Today we will break down a list of habits that lead to personal degradation and hinder development. It’s very important to know them, because this knowledge can scale you up many times, and by applying at least half of the points — even dozens of times. That’s why it’s important to review the entire list: everyone will find something meaningful for themselves.
But first you need to understand: how do you work with such habits?
1. First: realize that right here and now you are capable of finding a solution. Any habit can be noticed, recorded, and you can immediately see a specific action that will help change it. For each person these habits show up differently, and this is exactly where personal self-reflection matters.
2. Second: analyze your past experience. Recall which habits have already appeared for you, how they influenced your life, and what conclusions you can draw.
3. And third, the most important: lay the foundation. A strong, stable foundation that will allow you to move forward not once, but systematically, for ten years or more.
Now let’s break down the habits themselves. We will go in order: from the simple to the deeper and truly critical ones.
Habit No. 1. Believing that you can start living a full life later, when the “right conditions and goal achievement” come.
This mindset sounds like: “Once I earn a million dollars, move to Thailand — then I’ll live happily,” or “As soon as I get a good job, I’ll have time for life.” Right now this is especially noticeable in conversations about artificial intelligence. Many are sure: when AI frees people’s time, they will begin to develop or engage in spiritual practices. There appears a feeling that people cannot engage in the development of their personality because of work or busyness.
But this link is absolute manipulation, an illusion. It’s dangerous, because it may happen that you will never reach the needed “conditions.” And then instead of development will come apathy and a sense of meaninglessness. This doesn’t just slow growth — it truly leads to degradation.
Habit No. 2. Lack of attention to one’s own development.
This habit is inherent in a huge number of people. Many are convinced: “We are where we should be, and that’s enough for us.” But this is not about development for the sake of a checkmark, tests, or accumulating knowledge. I’m talking about fundamental personal development that forms a strong inner state.
What does this mean in practice? First of all — to think about two things:
1. Who I am and where I am.
2. What cause-and-effect relationships underlie what is happening in my life.
Living in development means constantly striving to understand reality and acting from truth, not from illusions. And at the same time it’s important that any development happens honestly and with sincere attitude toward other people. It is precisely the combination of these two foundations — awareness and honesty — that is true development.
Habit No. 3. Comparing yourself to others.
This is a real disease of the late 20th and 21st centuries, which only intensifies with the development of technology and especially artificial intelligence. Comparison deprives a person of their own life. They begin to live by other people’s scripts: copying others’ successes, focusing on others’ achievements instead of revealing their own uniqueness.
Hundreds of questions come to me: “What would you do in this situation?” or “How should I act if…”. And I always start the answer with the same thought: “When you ask such a question, you are coming from the ego.” Of course, people don’t like this. It’s important to understand that my life, my business, my relationships, my environment, my place of residence — everything is unique. What I did cannot be applied to your situation one-to-one. Nevertheless, people keep comparing. “You live in California, so it’s easy for you to say” — I often hear such remarks. But that is exactly the kind of comparison that destroys.
Comparison gives rise to many false beliefs: • “I don’t earn $10,000 a month — so something is wrong with me.” • “I don’t have children — so I’m somehow not right.” • “My husband doesn’t support me, and someone else’s does — so I’m worse.”
But if you look closely, people’s lives are incredibly diverse. We will see thousands of combinations: rich but unhappy; poor but happy; with children or without; with supportive partners or with those who constantly belittle.
The number of these combinations is infinite. No math can derive a ‘general formula.’ The idea of universal patterns in a person’s life is an illusion.
Habit No. 4. Criticizing other people.
This is one of the most destructive habits. It literally throws a person back by decades.
Focusing on finding others’ mistakes, a person gradually begins to criticize not only their immediate circle, but also those they don’t even know personally: politicians, stars, athletes. As a result, this behavior takes root and returns home — into the family, and then inward, into self-criticism. The fact is that if a person is in the mode of searching for errors in others, then in any case they will irreversibly be in the criticism of themselves.
Habit No. 5. Criticizing yourself.
At first glance, this looks similar to the previous habit, but in reality it’s much deeper and more destructive.
Self-criticism leads to hatred of yourself, other people, and life itself. A person stops developing, because instead of studying themselves they are engaged in self-destruction. True development is possible only through the exploration of causes and effects: why did a certain event occur, even if I acted incorrectly? But this must be an exploration, not a search for reasons for self-flagellation.
Criticism is always based on comparison. And development is based on understanding. And as long as a person confuses one with the other, they stand still.
Habit No. 6. Building expectations in relationships
This is the situation when you are with a partner and expect changes or some actions from them for yourself. When it seems to you that you know exactly what will make you happy as a couple. But in reality you are thinking only about yourself and your desires. A huge number of people live together exactly like this — focusing only on their own interests, forgetting about their partner.
Recently I spoke with an acquaintance and noticed a problem: in any company, even when visiting, he thinks only about himself. This is characteristic of both sociable and quiet people. That’s why it’s important to learn to notice the state you’re in when you meet a person: before the meeting, during, and after. Ask yourself: “Who am I thinking about right now? About them or only about myself?”
Habit No. 7. Setting a false goal when consuming content
This is a very common habit. For example, you read an article and think: “It will help me earn more money.” Or you follow a famous entrepreneur and are sure your income will grow fourfold. Or you look at a person with “perfect” relationships and expect yours to become like that.
The problem is that the goal turns out to be false. First, because what you really want is something else. Second, because you know almost nothing about the person you follow. Even if you have read dozens of my texts, you don’t know my state, my mood, my relationships with my loved ones, my views and experience. For example, on YouTube you often come across videos of people you are seeing for the very first time. As a result, an altered perception of the person overlays an incorrect understanding of your own goal — and this creates a serious substitution.
For example, a person says: “I want a new profession,” but in fact they want to increase their income. Or they go to a course expecting to learn how to earn twice as much. They can learn — but that doesn’t guarantee income growth. Here lies the root of the problem — a childhood habit. In school or university we are instilled: “This education is needed for a job,” “for society,” “for the right life.”
I myself, 18–20 years ago, wanted to get an MBA at Harvard or Stanford. One of the ideas then was: “It will give me the right network.” MBA can indeed give contacts. But you have to honestly ask yourself: “Why do I want a network? For pleasant evenings and joint trips? Or for large contracts?” These are different goals. And having a network does not guarantee success. I have acquaintances with serious connections that gave them nothing. Likewise, I myself didn’t bring contracts to many of my friends, and to some even losses. A network can be a resource, but it can also harm. Therefore, when receiving education or new knowledge, it’s important not to replace the true goal with a false one.
Habit No. 8. Inability to break ties that lead to degradation.
A person can be in a team, at a job, or in an environment that destroys them. Degradation can be not only a toxic circle, but also information on social media, the space you live in, or random people around you.
I’m not saying you should immediately cut all ties. It’s about being able to leave those that clearly harm you. Usually a person understands what traumatizes them, but doesn’t act. Time passes, and the habit of living in such a state becomes fixed. They remain dependent on people or circumstances that destroy them.
I know many people who have complained about a boss for years. They could have changed jobs long ago — it would be no trouble for them — but they don’t. It has become their life, their internal state, what has become for them a habitual source of at least some stability.
Habit No. 9. Copying someone else’s strategy.
I live in Silicon Valley, and here it’s especially noticeable. Many literally copy other people’s strategies and even call someone a “role model.” But there’s a big problem here. You impose another life’s strategy on your own — unique. And the result will never be the same.
I’m not talking about small things, but about global questions. For example, if a neighbor planted a plant and you plant the same — it will grow. But if you take someone else’s life strategy, it won’t work the same way. Why? Because you can’t even remember yourself exactly 20 years ago, let alone the state of another person. We don’t know them, we don’t feel them. And copying turns into an illusion.
It’s much more useful to do an exercise: try to feel other people. Ask yourself: “Do I understand this person? Do I know them?” This develops awareness. And copying another life is always a mistake.
Habit No. 10. Viewing rest as switching off from work and receiving pleasure.
This habit underlies many manipulations. Politicians promise: “Hold on a little longer, then it will be good.” Companies say: “Work a couple of years, then it will be much better.” And people begin to view rest as something separate from life: “Now I’ll work for a year, then I’ll rest,” “When the child grows up — then there will be rest.”
I have four children. And when someone with one child says: “When he grows up — then we will rest,” I understand how much of an illusion this is. My children are different ages: 5, 9, 11, and 15. And I see happiness precisely in this diversity. In a few years the combination will be different: 20, 16, 14, and 10. It’s a new feeling, a new happiness. I see joy in this.
The problem is that a person searches for rest separately from their reality. But the very concept of “rest” is absurd. It cannot be described universally. For example, I can rest during a speech or while analyzing complex data, but not rest if I have to dig a tunnel — then I will most likely get tired. Rest is not always connected with inaction — it’s much deeper than it seems.