I want to start by saying that our task today is not to analyze rest through one specific example, but to look at the whole subject more broadly. So that each reader can apply it to their own life and ask: what is happening with me? Everyone has their own situation, their own specifics. Some people depend heavily on physical labor, some can work only a few hours a day. And there are people who are not engaged in professional work at all, but still get tired.
When we talk about rest, we usually connect it to work. For example, a person goes to work, and weekends mean rest. But if you look closely, even those who don’t work a “job” still get tired and also say: “I need rest.” Which means rest is not only from work. The question arises: what exactly are we resting from? From a specific task? From communicating with certain people? From some routine? And here’s the main question:
Is it possible to rest while working?
Can you rest while scheduling a meeting, analyzing a large amount of information, running a meeting, programming, or writing a book?
Actually, yes, you can. And it’s very important to keep this as a starting point. A person can rest even in the process of working. The examples are obvious. Someone says: “I rest in the garden after work.” Someone else — “I rest when I read a book.” For another person, rest is cooking. For me, for example, cooking really is rest. I’ve cooked a lot my whole life, often for dozens of people, and it has never been a burden for me. But if you make me grill meat for 12 hours straight or chop ingredients endlessly, of course I’ll get physically tired. The same with the garden. Watering flowers or caring for plants is calm and pleasant. But if someone asks me to dig 15 pits in clay — that’s hard labor, and you’ll get tired.
And here it’s important to notice: rest is not simply the opposite of work. More often it’s the opposite of whatever creates tension or dissonance in a person. Even those who say they like their job still look forward to weekends to “rest.” So what does “like” or “don’t like” mean? In my view, the ideal workday is when there is no division. When you work and at the same time remember about your family. And vice versa: when you’re home with the kids and don’t forget about work. In that state there is no artificial split into “work” and “rest.”
Now let’s move to the next aspect: is scrolling through social media feeds in the evening after work really rest?
And if you do it in the morning or afternoon — is that rest, or tension instead? What is happening with a person at that moment? Is it brain unloading or, on the contrary, overloading? To be honest, more often the second. When you’re consuming streams of short fragments — reels, stories, endless switching — it looks more like overloading the nervous system than rest. There’s no concentration there, only constant changes of signals. Another thing is to sit on a bench, eat ice cream, and just look forward. That may be real unloading. But even here it depends on the inner state. If you have anxiety and unresolved worries, social media will only amplify them. You won’t relax, you’ll get even more tense. Especially if you do it at night, your sleep quality will suffer.
The same goes for “vacations for rest.” A very common myth: I’ll work hard, endure six months, then I’ll go to the Maldives or Italy — and there I’ll surely rest. But is that real rest? Often a person arrives on a trip, but their head is still filled with worries and stress, they remain in a stressful state or move around too much — do they really rest?
For me, a lot of trips are work. An example from my life. Last week our whole family — four kids and my wife — went to Las Vegas for two days. And that was work. We had to get up early, get to the airport, get the kids on the plane, buy tickets in advance, organize everything. Land, arrange the transfer, check in, leave our things, find breakfast. Then the pool, heat around 40 degrees, kids need sunscreen, someone cries, someone argues… In the evening go somewhere again. It all takes effort. For me, it’s much easier to run a strategic meeting or lead a team call than to organize such a trip. And at the same time — and this is important — I don’t get tired of time with my kids, on the contrary, I value it. I just have to honestly admit: by itself it’s no less energy-demanding than work.
And here is the interesting point: many parents run from this load and don’t see family time as rest. For me it’s also rest, but in a special sense.
And in the end a big question arises: is it possible to live life without dividing into “work” and “rest”? When everything you do is just part of life, attentive living of the moment. Then you don’t need to specially look for rest or wait for “happiness later.” Everything is already happening here and now. And this is a far more important task for a person than the chase after formal “rest” or illusory “happiness.”
You mentioned that rest is something pleasant. But if you think about it, that’s often an egoistic motive: “I want something pleasant for myself.” But is it possible to rest through what is pleasant for others? Can you set yourself the task of helping people and finding rest in that for yourself too? I’ve always said: “Why exhaust yourself so much that later you need two or three weeks to ‘rest’?” It’s much more harmonious to stay in a state where rest is not needed as compensation.
💡 Everyone has their own forms of rest. Someone wants to be alone. Someone — to spend time with their spouse. Someone — finally to see the kids because they work all day. Someone hates their job and craves any adventure. For one, it’s important just to fly on a plane, for another — to get to a new country. Someone enjoys the flight itself, especially in business class: food, service, the chance to tell themselves “I’m resting.” I too once had that feeling, but if you look closely, it’s an illusion. A plane is not a restaurant, the bed there is not full, sleep is disturbed, the body is strained. But a person still convinces themselves that this is “the vibe.”
It’s the same with other common scenarios: someone calls rest an evening with TV, beer, and an action movie. But is that rest? From what exactly? In fact, it’s not restoration, but an attempt to dull the perception of life. Instagram, Telegram channels, news, series, movies, alcohol — all of these are tools of “disappearing.” A person wants to switch off life, to say: “Can I not perceive reality right now?” That’s a form of escape. The same as going to a cave and sitting there in silence. Yes, it can be made into a practice, called a retreat. But at the core — the same desire: to disappear from life.
At the same time, there are adequate formats when a person goes into silence consciously, to meet themselves. But the problem is different: many are simply afraid to be alone with themselves. Yet what is a week in the scale of a life? Nothing. But that’s exactly what many avoid, or, on the contrary, glorify as a “great achievement.” But achievement of what exactly? In essence, it’s a matter of perception. When you can’t peacefully be with yourself, inside arises a craving to disappear. And that is problem number one.
For example, I don’t remember a single day when I sat and thought: “What should I do?” I always have something to do, and I can calmly spend a few hours “doing nothing” if I want to. But here’s the paradox: a person at once runs away from the state of calm, but when offered the chance to just sit in it, they categorically refuse.
— You said that when a person goes on vacation, they worked and worked, prepared to fly to Europe for a week, but often can’t disconnect from work. Guilt appears. And, as you said, you always have something to do, I do too: I want to read a book or do something, but unfinished tasks pop into my head. And you end up living work, because you constantly worry. The switch doesn’t happen. How in such a situation to learn to really rest?
— Here’s the key question: what do you actually want? Do you want to rest and enjoy yourself, or do you want to work? Personally, I always choose the second. If the goal is set as “to rest,” it’s impossible to solve this question. A person may not allow themselves even to open a book, although the day went harmoniously. That’s already a problem of self-perception, of love for yourself, for life, for the world. And attention needs to go there, not into searching for the “right kind of rest.” If we are talking about rest, then first it’s important to define: what do you mean by that word? For me, for example, a required element is sleep. I sleep 8–9 hours every day. That’s non-negotiable: less than 8 — I feel bad, 9 — optimal. Someone else can sleep less, but my system is built this way. Though I can go to bed late, I can get up early, I can get up even earlier, like at 3 am. If I live like that for a while, I’ll feel bad. So here simple cause-and-effect logic works: you understand what happens with you and set your routine.
When a person says: “I’ll work now and rest later” or “I rest when I scroll Instagram,” — this is a sign of distorted perception. Rest is called meeting friends, going out of town, a party. But who said that’s where you really restore yourself? It may be the opposite: communication or the atmosphere may create tension.
Here’s an example: my wife and I visited different people last weekend. After each meeting, I noticed that our connection got worse, not better. The people were different, the companies were different, but the result was the same. Is that rest or not? For my wife it included certain states, but it’s hard to call it restoration.
Often under “rest” hides something else entirely. Sometimes it’s laziness — the unwillingness to work. Sometimes it’s egoism — the desire for benefit only for yourself. Sometimes just a social setting: “It’s the norm.” That’s why it’s important to honestly diagnose: what do you actually want?
I had a case with a friend. I invite him: “When will you come visit?” — he always answers that he’s very busy with projects. I even sent him a reel with a similar story, which went like this: if a person constantly refers to busyness, it means he’s simply not interested. And there’s truth in that. What kind of oddity is it not to find time in life? Okay, if he were a dad working three jobs daily, also had to get kids to school, be everywhere. But he has a system, tons of opportunities. And you can’t find time?
The question is not about time, but about how you manage it. Take my life. I have everything scheduled: work, calls, projects. I don’t feel tired at all. For example, today my son and I are going to the forest, rented a cabin. To do that, I had to plan everything: internet, road, car charger, food, entertainment. It would have been easier not to go anywhere at all. But I chose to go, because it’s possible and interesting. A huge number of people in that situation would say: “Why? Hard, expensive, troublesome.” And they’d stay home. For me such trips are ordinary actions. Not harder than, say, recording an interview. Just part of life. And if you treat it this way, as a natural element, not as “special rest,” — then the question “how to learn to rest” solves itself.
From the perspective of rest, there’s an interesting moment. Six months ago my mom came to visit. We went somewhere together, and I said: “Mom, we decided to buy a dog.” She replied: “I already heard, but you should think ten times.” I immediately stopped her: “Mom, that’s it, I don’t want to hear another word.” Because she was transmitting her own worries — the difficulties she sees. On one hand, it’s her care. On the other — maybe somewhere envy of the ease of making decisions and the opportunities we have. But that’s her perception. And our dog has already been living with us for five months. Let me remind you: I also have four children. It’s a Russian Borzoi. Recently I was in a group, and they said to me: “Sasha, well you, of course, even got a Russian Borzoi. That’s quite something, because right away you limit yourself in trips and generally.” Of course, it’s work. Of course, it’s responsibility. And so what? It’s simply my duty. Every morning I get up and I know: at six in the morning I need to feed the dog and right away go out with her, otherwise she’ll go to the bathroom at home. Which means smell, cleaning, extra hassle. And there’s its own detail: a puppy can run away, you have to watch. But for me it’s just an action. I do it because it’s part of the work. Can you see the dog as rest? Of course. Or you can see it as hatred and constant difficulty.
The same with a trip with my son: it can be work, it can be rest, or you can just treat it neutrally as an ordinary action. For him it’s all new, which means interesting. For my kids, any new event is joy. Even give them a pencil — happiness. That’s, by the way, an interesting feature: why does a child rejoice at simple things. But for him the trip can also be work, because new emotions and experiences are a load. Easier to put a child at the computer and do nothing, but then there will be no experience, no impressions.
— If I understood correctly, my problem is with the perception of work. And maybe for most people too. People emphasize rest, not work. Then what is work? And how to love working so that it becomes rest?
— That’s a very interesting question. Usually, when you talk to people about work, they don’t react in any special way. But if you listen to yourself and repeat it again and again, at some point comes the realization: indeed, the essence is here. The problem is not how to rest, but how to love the process of work itself. It’s important to distinguish: loving work and enjoying during work are different things. You can love work even if it’s hard.
For example, every month I plant 15–20 new plants on my land. It’s really hard — heat, sun, physical load. And not always does the result please: you plant, then rabbits eat, rats gnaw, or the plant dies from weather. But still, I treat it harmoniously. I wanted a garden — I made it, and it pleases me, my wife, kids. Even if it doesn’t please them — it’s my current action, my choice. It’s conditionally “aimless” work, but it gives joy. Can you find positives in this? Of course. But you can count many negatives too. And if to think pragmatically, one could not do it at all and free time for series, reels, or a book. But that’s a matter of my choice.
Then we come to the key point: what is your choice? On what do you base your decisions? Because before talking about loving work, you need to figure out how you even make decisions and what impulse lies at their base.
Each of us has an inner system of response. For example, since childhood I could be woken at any time, I woke easily. Whether for mushrooms, hunting, or just a trip — I got up without questions. For me it was natural: there’s strength — there’s action. For others not so. You can explain endlessly to them the importance of punctuality or inner aspiration, but if the person has no inner strength, then it’s hard for them to decide. Imagine a simple situation: the impulse comes — “to buy a dog.” For some, joy turns on right away, for others — worries and doubts: can I handle it, do I need it, will I manage? Or the garden: some see harmony and joy, others — only difficulties. And I know dozens of people for whom any matter is “hard.” So hard that they almost do nothing in the end.
Example. I have an acquaintance photographer who did a photoshoot for me. Sometimes he doesn’t answer messages. When I ask why, he says: “It’s just hard for me, I’m in depression.” And that too is a choice — not to answer. Recently I wrote him honestly: “I believe I deserve the respect of a reply.” But I wrote it not out of irritation, but from love and respect. Because if a person has no strength to decide, then it’s really hard for them. And in such cases you can act only from love, otherwise relationships fall apart.
So the main question is not how to love work. The main question is: how do you make decisions and what impulses move you? There are people whose inner impulse is endless suffering. They suffer not because of outer circumstances, but because their inner system is built that way. This suffering doesn’t depend on whether they’re in Texas, Paris, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Minsk, Kyiv, or Bali. If the soul suffers, the suffering will always be. And conversely, there are people whose soul gives the impulse of love. And then they relate differently to work and to life overall. Where does it come from? From intentions. If a person chooses to live with the intention to serve people, to treat them the same as themselves, their inner state changes.
A very simple check: do you treat your children the same as others’? If you honestly answer: “No, I treat mine better” — then for now you’re losing. But if you at least think: “Yes, I love mine more now, but I want to treat everyone the same” — that’s already a point of growth. That’s a step toward development. It’s important to understand: not always will it turn out absolutely equally toward all people, but moving in that direction is possible and needed. Constantly observe, look for kindness in people, see a human in each first of all, and project love. At the same time, in real life no one cancels social boundaries and rules. Limiting people within some framework is normal, but you shouldn’t manipulate them. You need to keep balance: on one hand — see the person in everyone and love them, on the other — take real circumstances into account and act adequately.
— For someone who works, roughly, 24/7 and eagerly waits for weekends or vacations, how to learn to feel rest inside? Is there a practice or exercise you could recommend?
Exercise: attention to listening to a person.
Rudolf Steiner suggested a very simple but powerful practice: attention in speech and listening. When you talk with someone, watch if you act out of manipulation. Do you say only what really needs to be said? Same with listening. When you listen to your partner, do you hear their actual words or interpret them through your own expectations, fitting them to your own convenience? This is a simple exercise to practice daily. In my YouTube videos, Instagram, on my site, and in my Telegram channel I often talk about such practices. All of it leads to one goal — to expand a person’s perception so they can know their next step.
And for this you need to learn to listen to the world and watch your own thoughts. What’s happening in your head? A mess of thoughts? Automatic reactions? Day flying by unnoticed, without awareness? Or do you try to be as attentive as possible at least in separate moments of the day? Watching thoughts is a simple but very important action.
Such practices need to be done all life. This isn’t a one-time exercise. Constancy gives balance. I myself have a number of habits I’ve taken “for life.” For example, how I treat my wife, some basic principles or simple actions. Yes, they may change slightly, but the very setting “I do this for life” remains. And this gives calm. Can you take on a task for life? If they tell you: “Once a week for life plant 20 plants,” how would you take it? Easily? Or start counting days and sighing? I, for example, would take it absolutely calmly: need — then need.
Here comes the problem of “expecting rest.” A person wants to escape the current day, live it faster so something else comes. Of course, I too sometimes wait for trips — that’s normal. But it’s important to watch this state, not exalt it. Example. My son for two days straight comes to me and counts the hours: “Four hours left until departure.” And I don’t count hours. That doesn’t mean the trip is torment for me. On the contrary, I go in joy. But I try to watch this expectation and not dissolve in it. Same in other areas: there are things that bother me, like will there be internet on the trip. But I watch it, not letting myself sink into worry.
At meetings I went to, often gathered people doing different projects. And I noticed an interesting feature: when you say something that doesn’t match their worldview, they start arguing, proving their point. Essentially, they show you another aspect of perception. And this is an important point: how able is a person to switch off from themselves and at least a little hear other possibilities that exist in life. Not get stuck in proving their own rightness, but allow themselves to see wider. Often just to hear a little is enough. But to hear, you must want to abstract from your personality, from the familiar image of “I.” When it works, life opens much more.
If you live all the time in the logic of “for yourself” — resting for yourself, getting results only for yourself, seeking benefits only for yourself — this turns into a very heavy state. But this logic is in great demand today: many look for a “magic pill,” quick methods of achievement, or manipulations for personal gain. In spiritual descriptions this is called the “dark worlds” — when a person uses others solely as a tool for their own benefit. It’s a form of enslavement and manipulation.
— You said that to understand your next step, you need to learn to hear the world. But now in society the opposite is actively promoted: the main thing is to hear yourself. How to combine this? I’d like to understand.
— The most important thing in life is really to know yourself. But here there is a nuance. To know yourself is not to limit yourself to personality, not to get stuck in your desires and goals of this birth. True self-knowledge is to realize yourself as a spiritual being and move within the tasks that this being has. The goals of the spiritual “I” often do not coincide with the goals of personality. Marriage, career, money, professional realization — all this can be significant, but these are not deep tasks. When a person says “I hear myself,” most often they mean the ego — desires, ambitions, needs. And it’s easy to get confused here.
Yes, of course, you need to hear yourself. But the question is: what exactly in yourself are you hearing? The same with people: some it is important to listen to, their words lead to truth, while others — absolutely not, otherwise it will lead to distortion. And here arises a paradox. Some say: “You must do A,” others insist: “You must do Z.” Whom to listen to? And here the key becomes the ability to hear truth. Not just words or emotions, but what is truly right. This is the real practice of listening to the world. Yes, the task is difficult. It cannot be solved in a day or a month. No one will take you by the hand and lead you to the answer. This is the path of personal development. Support, teachers, books, trips can help, but the final choice and the ability to hear truth always remain with you.
It’s no coincidence there are those in the world who choose “dark” and those who choose “light.” Although I’m not inclined to rigidly divide everything into these categories, the fact of choice always remains with the person. Some put themselves above others, ready to enslave or even destroy for profit. And some, on the contrary, are able to put another’s life above their own. And these are the people worth learning from. For many this is unthinkable. Most will say: “Are you crazy? I’ll never do that.” Moreover, they won’t even believe that someone can act like that sincerely. It’s easier for them to think it’s manipulation. Why? Because they themselves live in manipulation and lies. And if a person is used to this, it’s hard for them to believe in another’s honesty. Deep inside they will be afraid — afraid to “burn” upon contact with truth.
When a person is told the truth directly, it’s hard. Imagine: you launch a business, and right away someone tells you — “it won’t work.” And it’s visible immediately. For many such a conversation becomes a blow, because they have to face reality. Recently I observed such a situation. It was clear that a person’s business would not work out. But I relate to this calmly. I even noted for myself: I’ll see in a year or two how it all turns out. At the same time, I always try to send energy of love so the person has enough strength and wisdom to walk their path calmly and with dignity. Sometimes I add a few words of support. But the person themselves, as a rule, won’t ask me directly: “Will it work out for me or not?” — because they’re afraid to hear the answer. And truth can knock them off balance. Of course, everything depends on the person’s own choice. Because what does “work out” or “not work out” mean? You can start a project, but after 10 years leave this life. Or earn money, but not have time to use it. Or, on the contrary, save and save, and then die without passing it to your family. Therefore it is important for each person to learn to feel and see for themselves: where to go, what is truth, and what is illusion.
By the way, every Friday I conduct a meditation. This is a practice of connecting with truth and with yourself, a chance to get closer to your true self. If you want to participate live — come to my Telegram channel, there I post links to Zoom broadcasts.
— At the beginning you said that rest and attention to others are connected: do we cause problems for loved ones with our actions or desire for rest? How does this care for others affect our ability to relax and feel rest?
— The strength a person receives when they truly help others, not for gain, but simply because help is needed, is incomparable with anything. The energy of such rest is extremely difficult to get alone. When you don’t bring real benefit, the world feels it. If your goal is to help people for your own power, influence, or profit, it will not work. It’s impossible to hide true intentions — the system of causes and effects sees everything. There are methods supposedly allowing to “confuse the system,” but these are very specific mechanisms. The more you sincerely help others, the firmer and calmer you feel every day. And this is exactly how you can calmly recover every day.
I remember one person told me: “Sasha, for you every day is as if it starts anew, nothing repeats.” Even if you get tired physically or overload your brain, the next day the feeling is that nothing happened — complete recovery and awareness. This is an important state to strive for.
But I repeat: you need to do this not for your own “goodness,” but because it’s the right thing. And here a problem arises: many want everything at once and in this life, they are not ready to see the entire chain of events, which unfolds gradually. They want results “now,” without facing reality and its possibilities. A person is not ready to be open to any outcome. It’s hard: to move correctly, you need to be ready for information that may not please you. For example, people often go to astrologers or fortune tellers for a “good future,” wanting to improve only pleasant moments, not to understand the natural flow of life. Such an approach is built on harmonizing the unpleasant, but this is not the same as the right movement in life. What does right movement mean for each person? How does it manifest in your life? No one can predict what will happen in 50 years, how circumstances will develop.
The film Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio shows this very well: the characters plant a certain state in others, which then develops gradually. So it is in life: you can sow in yourself the seed of a true desire for life, love, and spiritual development — and it will grow. Or you can sow fear, which will gradually grow like a tumor, preventing a person from finding joy and calm. And there are many such people around us.
It’s like an obsession, from which it is difficult to escape. Many don’t have the strength to cope with it, for them it’s an impassable abyss. Support is needed. And life often gives it — to some immediately, to some through trials. But here there’s no “why me.” People start to look for reasons: “I’m a good person, why is this happening to me?” But that’s not the point. The point is to observe what’s happening, see it in action, and not cultivate similar states in others. I think this film shows very well how a state of perception is created. When in a person they develop something they didn’t even suspect, it forms their worldview. The same happens in politics, in companies, in social manipulations: a sense of truth is created, and a person begins to believe it, even if it’s a complete illusion.
— There’s a famous phrase: “Love your work, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Many understand it literally: if work is a true passion, it won’t be hard, you can work without rest, not fear burnout, and the question of rest won’t arise at all. But is that really so?
— It’s important to understand what is meant. If you love work only as a job from which you need rest, the perception of life will remain the same: “Life is a burden from which you need to rest.” I didn’t talk to Confucius and don’t know all the details of his thoughts, so it makes no sense to fixate on one phrase. The main thing is not to fall into the delusion that you just need to find “interesting work,” and then everything will be easy. It’s not about the absence of work, but about the attitude toward living life. Most likely Confucius meant not the absence of work, but the attitude toward life. The question is not to find the “ideal job,” but how you relate to living life. Work can be perceived as part of life, or as something separate, not alive, just a means for money or survival.
The American phrase “What do you do for a living?” shows this well. You can understand it literally: “where do you work to live,” or differently: all of life is life, and work is only one of its aspects. You can also relate differently to this phrase. Life is united in everything: when you’re lying on the beach, at work, looking for work, quitting, a child is born, or someone dies — it’s all one life, just with different sequences of events. 16 jobs or none, dependence on money or independence — it’s all part of life, and different circumstances happen in it.
People just want these circumstances to be pleasant, easy, joyful. But the concept of pleasure is individual: someone enjoys reading a book, while for another reading ten pages is torture; someone rejoices in time with a child, for another it’s stress. If a person doesn’t know how to be present, blockages, defense mechanisms turn on, and energy doesn’t flow. Especially noticeable in families — in the relationships of parents with children. This is visible even to the naked eye.