â âI want my salary to be increased. How should I approach my manager and convey this idea correctly? Again, not from the position of âI have big expensesâ or âI need to buy a Louis Vuitton suitcase,â or âthe kids are sick,â etc. How do I do this the right way?â
â âFirst of all, under no circumstances should you use arguments that, in the social world, are seen as signs of weakness. This is very important.
When you ask for a raise, you do not need to explain to your manager why you personally need the money. That is one of the typical mistakes. Many try to justify the request with personal circumstances, and that immediately puts them in a weak position. What you can do is build a conversation strategy. For example, if you are a strong employee or manager and you have a clear plan: in a year and a half to buy a home for one and a half million dollars. You come to the manager and say: âI want to buy a home for one and a half million in a year. Iâm earning 200 thousand now, but I understand I need to look for opportunities to reach that level of income.â
You are not demanding, you are not dividing one and a half million by months and saying: âI need 100 instead of 20.â You are simply planting the idea in the managerâs mind. In this way you launch a virus of perception into the system that you are a person who already lives at the million-dollar level. If you do this not as a one-off but systematically, unobtrusively, then over time they will start to perceive you as someone for whom high income is the norm. And the manager will understand that lowering your salary is pointless: you already live differently, act differently, and know how to achieve results.
If you are not asking directly, he gets the feeling that you know how to do it yourself. And he starts to relate to you differently, to see money questions differently. The most important thing is not to ask. This is one of the only strategies where you can show that you need money for something.
Saying phrases like âI need to earn because I want to buy a $100,000 car,â âGo to the Maldives with the family,â or âGet ready for a weddingâ is a weak position. Any experienced manager will think: âAha, in three months he has a wedding, so now I can press.â Heâll say: âNext monthâs plan has increased. To get your +$100, you need to sell not 10 but 40.â Youâll answer: âI canât sell 40.â And heâll say: âYouâll have to.â And youâll start doing whatever because he knows where your weak spot is. You yourself told him how to manipulate you. Thatâs how the world works. You must not do this. But you can talk about big moneyâonly from a different position. What is the problem with big numbers?â
đĄIf you do not internally recognize numbers like 1.5 million, 150 million, 1.5 billion, 150 billion, or even a trillion dollarsâif you cannot discuss such sums calmly, reason about them, negotiateâthen you will not be taken seriously. When a businessman says: âTwenty million is enough for me,â I think: someone else is talking about 100, someone about a billion, someone lives on $100âand each has enough. Here the amount itself isnât what matters, but the state of internally living these money figures. If a sum is unattainable to you, you will never be able to talk on equal terms.
Action No. 1
Next comes the matter of agreement. It is always built on two factors:
- You must understand what your managerâs goal isâwhy he works.
- You need to understand the companyâs goal and the ownerâs goal.
If you donât know this chain, you will always be negotiating from a low position. But this scheme works only if you know why you yourself are here. Iâll give a business example (though this applies to regular employees too). âI do business in order toâŚ
â sell the company for 5 million dollars in five years.
â earn 10 thousand dollars in profit monthly.
â prove to myself and others that I can do it.
â become well-known.
â create the best brand in plant cultivation.
â give 20 thousand people a free chair.â
The goal determines the strategy. If you want to become well-knownâthe strategy is one. If you want to earn 10 thousandâthe strategy is another. If you want to prove something to friendsâthe third. The same is true with a job. Why are you working? To: earn a certain amount; grow professionally; extend a diploma or get a record on your rĂŠsumĂŠ; legally remain in the country; prove to friends you can; climb the career ladder; move to the next position? Everyone has different goals. Someone works just to guarantee earning a thousand dollars. Someone wants to grow and receive three. Strategy depends on this.
đĄWhen you ask, âHow do I get the maximum money?â first define the goal. For example: Is it better to earn 3 thousand instead of 1 now, or better to keep earning 1 for now, but become a director in two years? These are different paths.
Many people donât understand strategy at all. The most common mistake: âTo become a director, I have to be given authority!â No. In most companiesâespecially small onesâto become a director you donât need to wait for authority; you need to do the actions that move you to that level.
Action No. 2
Know the employerâs/partnerâs goal.
As a rule, he doesnât voice it. If you ask me how best to agree with an employee about money, Iâll say: you need to know his goals. If I know that recognition is important for an employeeâI will use it. For example, once every two months we do a post together on social media and Iâll caption: âHeâs the best.â Or Iâll give a quote in Forbes under his name. Thatâs easy. Many of my analysts later showed such publications to their parents, and the parents were proud: âYou have a cosmic job!â And for these people this is an event of a lifetime. It hangs on the wall, and they remember it for decades.
You have to know what drives a person. For some itâs moneyânothing else. For othersârecognition or social motivation.
One example from practice. A mass interview: 12 women for an analyst position. They answer in turn and then ask questions. One asks: âAlexander, do you have social activities in the company? To go to cafĂŠs with colleagues, socialize?â I say: âIf you wantâgo, of course.â A few people later another asks: âAnd can I, on the contrary, not communicate with anyone, just come, work, and leave?â Look how interesting: one was energized by that, the otherâwasnât. I reply: âYou can, of course.â But there are companies where you canât, where theyâll say: âNo, we have a corporate cultureâeveryone must go together to meditate, stand on their heads, jump rope,â etc.
đĄNow he knows about youânow you must know about him. What exactly should you find out? Many think that a manager inside a company works exclusively in the companyâs interests, that he cares about hitting targets, KPIs, directives from the director. But this is not always the case. You need to understand his circumstances for being hereâwhy he works at all. Is he here for salary, bonus, equity? Or is he simply marking time because he was placed here? This is a key point.
You come to him and say: âPay me a bonus.â And he thinks: âWhat bonus? I need to wait two years for the deal to sell my stake in the company and earn five million dollars.â You and he simply do not align. Therefore it is more correct to say: âListen, I looked at what is happening actively on the market now with deals. Iâm an ambitious person, and I thought: if in two years our company is suddenly going to be sold, then to increase its valuation we need to do this, this, and this.â Thatâs itâyou became his best ally. You are helping him earn, to achieve his result.
A manager may value not only earning money, but also being noticed and recognizedâto be seen, praised, put on the honor board. And what do many employees do? âAgain this manager stole my idea and at the meeting passed it off as his own! Iâm the one who came up with it!â But if this manager lives for recognitionâgive him the idea, let it be his. You will become the one who brings ideas. And if you start competing with him for recognition, he will never pay you more. You are not his rivalâyou are just an obstacle, dust to him. Alas, most people think this way.
Action No. 3
Know the businessâs goal. Why does this company exist at all? How is its business model arranged? What does it earn on and where does it lose?
Many employees do not understand this. They think: âOh, these guys are definitely shoveling money!â But in reality the company is unprofitable. I constantly meet people convinced that someone âis making millions,â but in factâno. Especially in Silicon Valley: startups raise rounds for billions, hundreds of millions of dollars, but at the same time do not earn anything at all. Yes, in the United States they know how to pay good salaries to employees, but otherwise the situation is similar. In Russia there are many famous, trendy IT companies whose employees earn two thousand dollars a month, never received investments, and then the business went bankruptâand that was the end. Maybe someone bought an apartment, and thatâs the whole story. Therefore you need to understand exactly how your business makes money.
đĄWhy is this important? Because, knowing what the owners need, you can build relationships correctly. Owners often have different goals. One wants to increase capitalization over four years, anotherâto receive a stable cash flow, a thirdâfame and influence. And if you understand what your manager wants, which type of owner he is closer to, with whom he is connected, in which âclanâ he is, then you can competently build the conversation and interaction.
For example, if an employee comes to me who knows that itâs pointless to argue with me during meetingsâit is easier for him to work with me. I can issue a hundred directives in one meeting. Thatâs my nature. This doesnât mean I wonât later accept the argument that a task is impossible, but you donât need to argue in the moment. Elon Musk, for example, has a simple rule: if you say something is impossibleâdismissal. This is neither good nor badâitâs just the rule. I also have directors who understand that if I propose something, they should say: âAll right, Alexander, we are working on the task.â Do they do it always? No. But they donât enter into conflict, and therefore it is much easier for them to agree with meâincluding about money.
So the best strategy for negotiating money is not one-off requests, not a âhead-onâ conversation. It is your constant presence next to this person, understanding how he thinks, what drives him, and, most importantlyâwhether it is possible to agree with him at all.
There are managers with whom you will never receive a raise. That is a fact. They can say: âThe time will comeâand everything will be fine.â But you live in a world where governments say the sameâand this âtimeâ does not come for decades. The same is here. There are bosses who will not pay anyone anything, except âfrom a generous hand.â And there are othersâwith them you can earn. The main thing is to understand which category your manager belongs to, what his goals are, and what his mental construct is.
What to do if money isnât paid on time
A situation in which a boss says, âWeâve got problems right now, we need to hold on a bit, tighten our belts, itâs a tough time, later everything will work out,â is a reflection of the very scheme we already discussed. Itâs the same logic, just in reverse.
I often give this example. Itâs like someone born in a country where, from childhood, they hear: âEverything is bad here, weâre going to be attacked. Itâs hard now, but in five years everything will change. Letâs push harder, letâs endure.â Then five years passâand it repeats: âJust a bit more, itâs hard again, letâs push again.â I worked in businesses where owners or partners said the same thing every day: âThis is a tough period, we need to pull together, squeeze out the maximum, endure.â And people endure. But in fact, you can grow, develop, earnâwithout this pressure construct. This is manipulation. When you hear something like this, know immediatelyâthis is manipulation and a breach of agreements. There isnât a single employment contract that says if a company has problems, it can withhold wages. On the contraryâif a company is unable to pay, that means itâs bankrupt, and it is obligated to pay you in full.
The problem is that people are afraid. When youâre told, âWait, itâs tough now,â ask yourself: what are you afraid of? What are you feeling? This doesnât excuse their behavior nor your agreement. This kind of situation is deception, not a valid reason. And then you have to decide: are you willing to remain in this manipulation or not.
When you work for someone, itâs important to understand boundaries. What are you willing to tolerate? Three months without pay? Yelling? Deceptionâwhen a bonus was promised and not given? Or a revision of the terms of the contract? Thatâs your choice, your responsibilityâto define where your personal line is.
Yes, there are situations where this is almost inevitable. In some countries employers really can âstiffâ an employee and nothing will happenâfor example, in the Russian-speaking world. In other countriesâthe opposite. For example, in Poland itâs extremely difficult to fire someone: there, itâs more likely an employee can let an employer down than the other way around. In the U.S. itâs simplerâboth sides are free: if you want, you quit; if you want, you fire. It all depends on the contract, but the law doesnât prohibit it.
Another extreme has always bothered me: when a business owner ends up defenseless. There are laws that restrict even honest agreements between the parties. For example, I cannot say to an employee: âYou will earn very well, but I reserve the right to fire you at any moment,â because the law prohibits that. Although we could mutually agree to it. I understand why the law is needed: so a business doesnât exert pressure and turn people into slaves. But the reverse happens tooâwhen employees pressure the business. The same with unions. I canât fly from America to France because thereâs a strike in Germany and all transport is stopped. People say, âWe have the right to strike!ââand they really do. But because of this, millions of others suffer. They winâothers lose.
The world is set up so that there is no perfect balance. We live in a world of lies, deceit, and contradictions. The only way to survive in it is to maintain adequate perception and not deceive yourself. If you went to work for someone and see that heâs a drug addict, donât build illusions. But people do. They say, âBut heâs the owner of a billion-dollar company! Heâs cool!ââand they push aside everything else: that he beats women, humiliates employees, torments people. The main thing is the result. But if a person doesnât realize what is happening, he will lose anyway.
The system weâre talking about is complex and heavy. Itâs a system of manipulations, and it is everywhere. Not just at work. A wife says to her husband: âIf you donât do thisâIâll leave.â Parents are told: âIf a child doesnât studyâheâll grow up stupid.â A teacher is told: âIf you donât give gradesâyouâll be fired.â At every level, the same thing. âIf you donât walkâyouâll die earlier.â âIf you walk too muchâyouâll also die earlier.â Everywhereâa never-ending stream of contradictory information, and almost all of it is manipulation.
The only things a person can do are:
a) see manipulation, be able to recognize it, understand cause-and-effect chains;
b) not manipulate others himself.
And here you should ask yourself: âWhere am I in this? Am I manipulating others?â
â Do you think thatâs possible? After all, thereâs an opinion that any communication is a form of manipulation, just to varying degrees.
â Of course, there is true communication in which there is no manipulation at all. Under no circumstances. Itâs like any fieldâthere are honest examples and dishonest ones.
Take coffee shops. Some are simple: you come in, if you wantâyou buy coffee, if you donâtâyou donât. No one cajoles you, no one influences you. And there are othersâwith manipulations: âSubscribe to us,â âOur coffee makes you smarter,â âWith us you are successful.â Thatâs the whole difference. Itâs always a matter of people.
There are countries where itâs impossible to live without manipulation. There are families where everything is built on manipulation. But the reverse cases exist too. Overall, in our world you cannot completely avoid manipulationâit is everywhere.
But if weâre talking about true interaction, it does exist. Itâs just rare.
Many confuse natural processes with manipulation. A dog sees a bird and quietly stalks to catch it. Is that manipulation? No, itâs nature, itâs life. Itâs natural behavior. But in the modern world people begin to call everything manipulation, even what isnât.
Therefore, when I hear someone in business say: âFor a company to be successful, it needs a mission, values, a sense of purpose,â I answer: âWait, youâre making money. Letâs not confuse one with the other.â If you want profitâearn it. If you want a missionârealize it. These are different things. Profit doesnât prevent having values, and values donât prevent earning profit, but they are not the same.
The main question: can you, while making money, remain honest?
Often it turns out differently: people declare âweâre for goodness,â and at the same time they squeeze employees to the last drop, who stand like chickens in cages and donât move. And if itâs âcage-freeââitâs just without a metal frame around, but the space is the same. âOrganicââjust different feed. âFree-rangeââfree roaming, but in reality itâs a few square meters. And then labels appear: âOur chicken walks! 17 square meters per bird!ââas if thatâs freedom. People live in a cage.
â If we mirror the question: on the one hand, you come and say thereâs nothing to eat, and on the otherâthe manager says the same to you: âHold on, weâre going through a tough time.â
â The problem is that if a manager says, âWe have nothing to eat,â employees donât believe him. Even if itâs true, even if the company is really in crisis. But if youâre doing business, you must understand: there are laws, there is responsibility. If the company has no moneyâthatâs already a zone of responsibility under the law.
But people often start to play it differently. They say: âNo-no-no, the law is the law, but please, help, wait, endure, cover us.â And you answer them: âWait, but you knew that an LLC can go bankrupt and not pay salaries?â And the person is outraged: âThatâs not my problem! Iâll file complaints with every agencyâthe prosecutorâs office, the FSB, the CIA, Trump, and the WHO!â And chaos begins. Because each acts only in their own interest, without understanding the system as a whole.
đĄIf you understand what youâre dealing with, if youâve studied the rules in advanceâyou act differently. And if you donât knowâthen you justify yourself later: âNo one told me, no one explained, I didnât know.â But ignorance of the law does not exempt from responsibility.
Itâs like with a snake: if you didnât know it was venomous and didnât go to the doctorâyou died. Not knowing doesnât save you.
â If, say, the manager yells at youâmost of the time that hits the ego, right? And if you no longer have a painful ego, youâve learned to live with it, you donât careâitâs like water off a duckâs back? Or, letâs say, he does other things that are indifferent to you. Do you need to leave such a job? It seems to diminish your human values, but essentially itâs not your problemâitâs the problem of the one who shouts. How do you handle this?
â I think there are a few simple rules here.
If a person is a business ownerâthis is his space. He decided his workday is 15 hours, the windows are shut, or that he pays salary when he wants. Or decided he can swearâthatâs his choice. He has the right to do so as long as he doesnât break the law. Somewhere the law requires ventilation, somewhere it forbids working without a contractâbut overall heâs free to set his own rules. I may not like it, but itâs his house, his responsibility. And either âthe spaceâ will judge him for itâlife, energy, spiritual principlesâor the state will, if there are legal consequences. But arguing with it is pointless. Thatâs his choice.
Nextâyou came somewhere to work. You see that a manager swears, or might pat someone on the shoulder, or joke inappropriately, or ask overly personal questions. That happens. For example, I myself often ask in interviews: âDo you live in your own apartment or a rental? How much does it cost?â Some react: âWhy are you poking into such questions?â I reply: âYou donât have to answer, but I have the right to ask.â I do it to see the personâs reactionâhow calm and balanced they are. Sometimes I ask: âWhat does your father do? And what did he do fifteen years ago? Do you have brothers, sisters?â Iâm not collecting information; I just watch the reaction: calm and respectful, or aggressive.
If a person comes to an interview and starts dictating termsââI wonât sit in a room with 15 peopleââI answer: âThen donât, there will be 14.â Simple as that.
â They can also ask at an interview: âHow do you spend your weekends?â What does my personal time have to do with it? Iâm getting a job. And this question immediately stumps people.
â Of course, but itâs an absolutely normal question. An employer has the right to ask. Just as you can ask any employer anything you want. You can ask: âWhat does your mother do?â He might answer: âI donât want to discuss it.â Youâanswered; heârefused to discuss. All fair. Can I do that? I can, thatâs the point. And here we return to the situation.
đĄIf a manager yells, the main thing is to calmly decide for yourself whether you are willing to tolerate it. Itâs impossible to prescribe all scenarios in advance, but you can define your boundaries: what is acceptable for you and what isnât.
I constantly see people who do nothing but complain about their bosses. You want to ask: âThen why do you work there?â Itâs like haters on YouTube. They come and write under a video: âTrash from the hill.â I donât block them, I donât kick them outâI just ask: âWhy are you here? Why are you writing this? What does it give you?â I understand: a person wants to trigger aggression, get an emotion. But it wonât work with me. If there are 50 thousand of youâmaybe youâll manage to get to me somehow. But why do you need that?
You said itâs âinhuman,â and you can lose energy because of it. I agree, I wouldnât want to work with a drug addict, a murderer, someone who abuses children, or someone who manipulates the masses. Of course I wouldnât. But is it always possible to avoid? No. I have dozens of businesses, and in some areas you still interact with people you donât choose.
When we buy coffeeâwe donât know whoâs brewing it. Maybe the barista is a terrible person, but we just want coffee. If you start checking everyone, digging through biographiesâlife becomes impossible. Then it turns out that, in some places, you shouldnât even go outside.
â But from a spiritual perspective, if you know that a person, for example, killed someone, and you still drink his coffeeâdoesnât that affect you?
â For most peopleânot at all. And the problem isâthey like living like this. People themselves want to live that way. They like power, they like manipulation, they like being able to put their âown peopleâ in and bypass the rules. They themselves want to take bribes, they themselves want to say âyou wonât get money,â and then complain about the system. Itâs not a misfortune imposed from outsideâitâs peopleâs choice.
Yes, everything has consequences. But if you simply drank a coffee and are not connected to that personânothing terrible will happen. No âbad energyâ will pass to you. A drug dealer canât âembedâ his energy into your coffeeâthatâs not how it works.