Secrets to Asking for a Raise

— “I want my salary to be increased. How should I approach my manager and convey this idea correctly? Again, not from the position of ‘I have big expenses’ or ‘I need to buy a Louis Vuitton suitcase,’ or ‘the kids are sick,’ etc. How do I do this the right way?”

— “First of all, under no circumstances should you use arguments that, in the social world, are seen as signs of weakness. This is very important.

When you ask for a raise, you do not need to explain to your manager why you personally need the money. That is one of the typical mistakes. Many try to justify the request with personal circumstances, and that immediately puts them in a weak position. What you can do is build a conversation strategy. For example, if you are a strong employee or manager and you have a clear plan: in a year and a half to buy a home for one and a half million dollars. You come to the manager and say: ‘I want to buy a home for one and a half million in a year. I’m earning 200 thousand now, but I understand I need to look for opportunities to reach that level of income.’

You are not demanding, you are not dividing one and a half million by months and saying: ‘I need 100 instead of 20.’ You are simply planting the idea in the manager’s mind. In this way you launch a virus of perception into the system that you are a person who already lives at the million-dollar level. If you do this not as a one-off but systematically, unobtrusively, then over time they will start to perceive you as someone for whom high income is the norm. And the manager will understand that lowering your salary is pointless: you already live differently, act differently, and know how to achieve results.

If you are not asking directly, he gets the feeling that you know how to do it yourself. And he starts to relate to you differently, to see money questions differently. The most important thing is not to ask. This is one of the only strategies where you can show that you need money for something.

Saying phrases like ‘I need to earn because I want to buy a $100,000 car,’ ‘Go to the Maldives with the family,’ or ‘Get ready for a wedding’ is a weak position. Any experienced manager will think: ‘Aha, in three months he has a wedding, so now I can press.’ He’ll say: ‘Next month’s plan has increased. To get your +$100, you need to sell not 10 but 40.’ You’ll answer: ‘I can’t sell 40.’ And he’ll say: ‘You’ll have to.’ And you’ll start doing whatever because he knows where your weak spot is. You yourself told him how to manipulate you. That’s how the world works. You must not do this. But you can talk about big money—only from a different position. What is the problem with big numbers?”

💡If you do not internally recognize numbers like 1.5 million, 150 million, 1.5 billion, 150 billion, or even a trillion dollars—if you cannot discuss such sums calmly, reason about them, negotiate—then you will not be taken seriously. When a businessman says: “Twenty million is enough for me,” I think: someone else is talking about 100, someone about a billion, someone lives on $100—and each has enough. Here the amount itself isn’t what matters, but the state of internally living these money figures. If a sum is unattainable to you, you will never be able to talk on equal terms.

Action No. 1

Next comes the matter of agreement. It is always built on two factors:

1. You must understand what your manager’s goal is—why he works.
2. You need to understand the company’s goal and the owner’s goal.

If you don’t know this chain, you will always be negotiating from a low position. But this scheme works only if you know why you yourself are here. I’ll give a business example (though this applies to regular employees too). “I do business in order to…

— sell the company for 5 million dollars in five years.

— earn 10 thousand dollars in profit monthly.

— prove to myself and others that I can do it.

— become well-known.

— create the best brand in plant cultivation.

— give 20 thousand people a free chair.”

The goal determines the strategy. If you want to become well-known—the strategy is one. If you want to earn 10 thousand—the strategy is another. If you want to prove something to friends—the third. The same is true with a job. Why are you working? To: earn a certain amount; grow professionally; extend a diploma or get a record on your résumé; legally remain in the country; prove to friends you can; climb the career ladder; move to the next position? Everyone has different goals. Someone works just to guarantee earning a thousand dollars. Someone wants to grow and receive three. Strategy depends on this.

💡When you ask, “How do I get the maximum money?” first define the goal. For example: Is it better to earn 3 thousand instead of 1 now, or better to keep earning 1 for now, but become a director in two years? These are different paths.

Many people don’t understand strategy at all. The most common mistake: “To become a director, I have to be given authority!” No. In most companies—especially small ones—to become a director you don’t need to wait for authority; you need to do the actions that move you to that level.

Action No. 2

Know the employer’s/partner’s goal.

As a rule, he doesn’t voice it. If you ask me how best to agree with an employee about money, I’ll say: you need to know his goals. If I know that recognition is important for an employee—I will use it. For example, once every two months we do a post together on social media and I’ll caption: “He’s the best.” Or I’ll give a quote in Forbes under his name. That’s easy. Many of my analysts later showed such publications to their parents, and the parents were proud: “You have a cosmic job!” And for these people this is an event of a lifetime. It hangs on the wall, and they remember it for decades.

You have to know what drives a person. For some it’s money—nothing else. For others—recognition or social motivation.

One example from practice. A mass interview: 12 women for an analyst position. They answer in turn and then ask questions. One asks: “Alexander, do you have social activities in the company? To go to cafés with colleagues, socialize?” I say: “If you want—go, of course.” A few people later another asks: “And can I, on the contrary, not communicate with anyone, just come, work, and leave?” Look how interesting: one was energized by that, the other—wasn’t. I reply: “You can, of course.” But there are companies where you can’t, where they’ll say: “No, we have a corporate culture—everyone must go together to meditate, stand on their heads, jump rope,” etc.

💡Now he knows about you—now you must know about him. What exactly should you find out? Many think that a manager inside a company works exclusively in the company’s interests, that he cares about hitting targets, KPIs, directives from the director. But this is not always the case. You need to understand his circumstances for being here—why he works at all. Is he here for salary, bonus, equity? Or is he simply marking time because he was placed here? This is a key point.

You come to him and say: “Pay me a bonus.” And he thinks: “What bonus? I need to wait two years for the deal to sell my stake in the company and earn five million dollars.” You and he simply do not align. Therefore it is more correct to say: “Listen, I looked at what is happening actively on the market now with deals. I’m an ambitious person, and I thought: if in two years our company is suddenly going to be sold, then to increase its valuation we need to do this, this, and this.” That’s it—you became his best ally. You are helping him earn, to achieve his result.

A manager may value not only earning money, but also being noticed and recognized—to be seen, praised, put on the honor board. And what do many employees do? “Again this manager stole my idea and at the meeting passed it off as his own! I’m the one who came up with it!” But if this manager lives for recognition—give him the idea, let it be his. You will become the one who brings ideas. And if you start competing with him for recognition, he will never pay you more. You are not his rival—you are just an obstacle, dust to him. Alas, most people think this way.

Action No. 3

Know the business’s goal. Why does this company exist at all? How is its business model arranged? What does it earn on and where does it lose?

Many employees do not understand this. They think: “Oh, these guys are definitely shoveling money!” But in reality the company is unprofitable. I constantly meet people convinced that someone “is making millions,” but in fact—no. Especially in Silicon Valley: startups raise rounds for billions, hundreds of millions of dollars, but at the same time do not earn anything at all. Yes, in the United States they know how to pay good salaries to employees, but otherwise the situation is similar. In Russia there are many famous, trendy IT companies whose employees earn two thousand dollars a month, never received investments, and then the business went bankrupt—and that was the end. Maybe someone bought an apartment, and that’s the whole story. Therefore you need to understand exactly how your business makes money.

💡Why is this important? Because, knowing what the owners need, you can build relationships correctly. Owners often have different goals. One wants to increase capitalization over four years, another—to receive a stable cash flow, a third—fame and influence. And if you understand what your manager wants, which type of owner he is closer to, with whom he is connected, in which “clan” he is, then you can competently build the conversation and interaction.

For example, if an employee comes to me who knows that it’s pointless to argue with me during meetings—it is easier for him to work with me. I can issue a hundred directives in one meeting. That’s my nature. This doesn’t mean I won’t later accept the argument that a task is impossible, but you don’t need to argue in the moment. Elon Musk, for example, has a simple rule: if you say something is impossible—dismissal. This is neither good nor bad—it’s just the rule. I also have directors who understand that if I propose something, they should say: “All right, Alexander, we are working on the task.” Do they do it always? No. But they don’t enter into conflict, and therefore it is much easier for them to agree with me—including about money.

So the best strategy for negotiating money is not one-off requests, not a “head-on” conversation. It is your constant presence next to this person, understanding how he thinks, what drives him, and, most importantly—whether it is possible to agree with him at all.

There are managers with whom you will never receive a raise. That is a fact. They can say: “The time will come—and everything will be fine.” But you live in a world where governments say the same—and this “time” does not come for decades. The same is here. There are bosses who will not pay anyone anything, except “from a generous hand.” And there are others—with them you can earn. The main thing is to understand which category your manager belongs to, what his goals are, and what his mental construct is.

What to do if money isn’t paid on time

A situation in which a boss says, “We’ve got problems right now, we need to hold on a bit, tighten our belts, it’s a tough time, later everything will work out,” is a reflection of the very scheme we already discussed. It’s the same logic, just in reverse.

I often give this example. It’s like someone born in a country where, from childhood, they hear: “Everything is bad here, we’re going to be attacked. It’s hard now, but in five years everything will change. Let’s push harder, let’s endure.” Then five years pass—and it repeats: “Just a bit more, it’s hard again, let’s push again.” I worked in businesses where owners or partners said the same thing every day: “This is a tough period, we need to pull together, squeeze out the maximum, endure.” And people endure. But in fact, you can grow, develop, earn—without this pressure construct. This is manipulation. When you hear something like this, know immediately—this is manipulation and a breach of agreements. There isn’t a single employment contract that says if a company has problems, it can withhold wages. On the contrary—if a company is unable to pay, that means it’s bankrupt, and it is obligated to pay you in full.

The problem is that people are afraid. When you’re told, “Wait, it’s tough now,” ask yourself: what are you afraid of? What are you feeling? This doesn’t excuse their behavior nor your agreement. This kind of situation is deception, not a valid reason. And then you have to decide: are you willing to remain in this manipulation or not.

When you work for someone, it’s important to understand boundaries. What are you willing to tolerate? Three months without pay? Yelling? Deception—when a bonus was promised and not given? Or a revision of the terms of the contract? That’s your choice, your responsibility—to define where your personal line is.

Yes, there are situations where this is almost inevitable. In some countries employers really can “stiff” an employee and nothing will happen—for example, in the Russian-speaking world. In other countries—the opposite. For example, in Poland it’s extremely difficult to fire someone: there, it’s more likely an employee can let an employer down than the other way around. In the U.S. it’s simpler—both sides are free: if you want, you quit; if you want, you fire. It all depends on the contract, but the law doesn’t prohibit it.

Another extreme has always bothered me: when a business owner ends up defenseless. There are laws that restrict even honest agreements between the parties. For example, I cannot say to an employee: “You will earn very well, but I reserve the right to fire you at any moment,” because the law prohibits that. Although we could mutually agree to it. I understand why the law is needed: so a business doesn’t exert pressure and turn people into slaves. But the reverse happens too—when employees pressure the business. The same with unions. I can’t fly from America to France because there’s a strike in Germany and all transport is stopped. People say, “We have the right to strike!”—and they really do. But because of this, millions of others suffer. They win—others lose.

The world is set up so that there is no perfect balance. We live in a world of lies, deceit, and contradictions. The only way to survive in it is to maintain adequate perception and not deceive yourself. If you went to work for someone and see that he’s a drug addict, don’t build illusions. But people do. They say, “But he’s the owner of a billion-dollar company! He’s cool!”—and they push aside everything else: that he beats women, humiliates employees, torments people. The main thing is the result. But if a person doesn’t realize what is happening, he will lose anyway.

The system we’re talking about is complex and heavy. It’s a system of manipulations, and it is everywhere. Not just at work. A wife says to her husband: “If you don’t do this—I’ll leave.” Parents are told: “If a child doesn’t study—he’ll grow up stupid.” A teacher is told: “If you don’t give grades—you’ll be fired.” At every level, the same thing. “If you don’t walk—you’ll die earlier.” “If you walk too much—you’ll also die earlier.” Everywhere—a never-ending stream of contradictory information, and almost all of it is manipulation.

The only things a person can do are:

a) see manipulation, be able to recognize it, understand cause-and-effect chains;

b) not manipulate others himself.

And here you should ask yourself: “Where am I in this? Am I manipulating others?”

— Do you think that’s possible? After all, there’s an opinion that any communication is a form of manipulation, just to varying degrees.

— Of course, there is true communication in which there is no manipulation at all. Under no circumstances. It’s like any field—there are honest examples and dishonest ones.

Take coffee shops. Some are simple: you come in, if you want—you buy coffee, if you don’t—you don’t. No one cajoles you, no one influences you. And there are others—with manipulations: “Subscribe to us,” “Our coffee makes you smarter,” “With us you are successful.” That’s the whole difference. It’s always a matter of people.

There are countries where it’s impossible to live without manipulation. There are families where everything is built on manipulation. But the reverse cases exist too. Overall, in our world you cannot completely avoid manipulation—it is everywhere.

But if we’re talking about true interaction, it does exist. It’s just rare.

Many confuse natural processes with manipulation. A dog sees a bird and quietly stalks to catch it. Is that manipulation? No, it’s nature, it’s life. It’s natural behavior. But in the modern world people begin to call everything manipulation, even what isn’t.

Therefore, when I hear someone in business say: “For a company to be successful, it needs a mission, values, a sense of purpose,” I answer: “Wait, you’re making money. Let’s not confuse one with the other.” If you want profit—earn it. If you want a mission—realize it. These are different things. Profit doesn’t prevent having values, and values don’t prevent earning profit, but they are not the same.

The main question: can you, while making money, remain honest?

Often it turns out differently: people declare “we’re for goodness,” and at the same time they squeeze employees to the last drop, who stand like chickens in cages and don’t move. And if it’s “cage-free”—it’s just without a metal frame around, but the space is the same. “Organic”—just different feed. “Free-range”—free roaming, but in reality it’s a few square meters. And then labels appear: “Our chicken walks! 17 square meters per bird!”—as if that’s freedom. People live in a cage.

— If we mirror the question: on the one hand, you come and say there’s nothing to eat, and on the other—the manager says the same to you: “Hold on, we’re going through a tough time.”

— The problem is that if a manager says, “We have nothing to eat,” employees don’t believe him. Even if it’s true, even if the company is really in crisis. But if you’re doing business, you must understand: there are laws, there is responsibility. If the company has no money—that’s already a zone of responsibility under the law.

But people often start to play it differently. They say: “No-no-no, the law is the law, but please, help, wait, endure, cover us.” And you answer them: “Wait, but you knew that an LLC can go bankrupt and not pay salaries?” And the person is outraged: “That’s not my problem! I’ll file complaints with every agency—the prosecutor’s office, the FSB, the CIA, Trump, and the WHO!” And chaos begins. Because each acts only in their own interest, without understanding the system as a whole.

💡If you understand what you’re dealing with, if you’ve studied the rules in advance—you act differently. And if you don’t know—then you justify yourself later: “No one told me, no one explained, I didn’t know.” But ignorance of the law does not exempt from responsibility.

It’s like with a snake: if you didn’t know it was venomous and didn’t go to the doctor—you died. Not knowing doesn’t save you.

— If, say, the manager yells at you—most of the time that hits the ego, right? And if you no longer have a painful ego, you’ve learned to live with it, you don’t care—it’s like water off a duck’s back? Or, let’s say, he does other things that are indifferent to you. Do you need to leave such a job? It seems to diminish your human values, but essentially it’s not your problem—it’s the problem of the one who shouts. How do you handle this?

— I think there are a few simple rules here.

If a person is a business owner—this is his space. He decided his workday is 15 hours, the windows are shut, or that he pays salary when he wants. Or decided he can swear—that’s his choice. He has the right to do so as long as he doesn’t break the law. Somewhere the law requires ventilation, somewhere it forbids working without a contract—but overall he’s free to set his own rules. I may not like it, but it’s his house, his responsibility. And either “the space” will judge him for it—life, energy, spiritual principles—or the state will, if there are legal consequences. But arguing with it is pointless. That’s his choice.

Next—you came somewhere to work. You see that a manager swears, or might pat someone on the shoulder, or joke inappropriately, or ask overly personal questions. That happens. For example, I myself often ask in interviews: “Do you live in your own apartment or a rental? How much does it cost?” Some react: “Why are you poking into such questions?” I reply: “You don’t have to answer, but I have the right to ask.” I do it to see the person’s reaction—how calm and balanced they are. Sometimes I ask: “What does your father do? And what did he do fifteen years ago? Do you have brothers, sisters?” I’m not collecting information; I just watch the reaction: calm and respectful, or aggressive.

If a person comes to an interview and starts dictating terms—“I won’t sit in a room with 15 people”—I answer: “Then don’t, there will be 14.” Simple as that.

— They can also ask at an interview: “How do you spend your weekends?” What does my personal time have to do with it? I’m getting a job. And this question immediately stumps people.

— Of course, but it’s an absolutely normal question. An employer has the right to ask. Just as you can ask any employer anything you want. You can ask: “What does your mother do?” He might answer: “I don’t want to discuss it.” You—answered; he—refused to discuss. All fair. Can I do that? I can, that’s the point. And here we return to the situation.

💡If a manager yells, the main thing is to calmly decide for yourself whether you are willing to tolerate it. It’s impossible to prescribe all scenarios in advance, but you can define your boundaries: what is acceptable for you and what isn’t.

I constantly see people who do nothing but complain about their bosses. You want to ask: “Then why do you work there?” It’s like haters on YouTube. They come and write under a video: “Trash from the hill.” I don’t block them, I don’t kick them out—I just ask: “Why are you here? Why are you writing this? What does it give you?” I understand: a person wants to trigger aggression, get an emotion. But it won’t work with me. If there are 50 thousand of you—maybe you’ll manage to get to me somehow. But why do you need that?

You said it’s “inhuman,” and you can lose energy because of it. I agree, I wouldn’t want to work with a drug addict, a murderer, someone who abuses children, or someone who manipulates the masses. Of course I wouldn’t. But is it always possible to avoid? No. I have dozens of businesses, and in some areas you still interact with people you don’t choose.

When we buy coffee—we don’t know who’s brewing it. Maybe the barista is a terrible person, but we just want coffee. If you start checking everyone, digging through biographies—life becomes impossible. Then it turns out that, in some places, you shouldn’t even go outside.

— But from a spiritual perspective, if you know that a person, for example, killed someone, and you still drink his coffee—doesn’t that affect you?

— For most people—not at all. And the problem is—they like living like this. People themselves want to live that way. They like power, they like manipulation, they like being able to put their “own people” in and bypass the rules. They themselves want to take bribes, they themselves want to say “you won’t get money,” and then complain about the system. It’s not a misfortune imposed from outside—it’s people’s choice.

Yes, everything has consequences. But if you simply drank a coffee and are not connected to that person—nothing terrible will happen. No “bad energy” will pass to you. A drug dealer can’t “embed” his energy into your coffee—that’s not how it works.