#spirituality #selfdevelopment #personalitytransformation
Today we will talk about the next step needed in raising a child or in forming yourself as a child, a parent, understanding your situation of raising children.
What is this quality that needs to be instilled in a child? Is it even possible to instill some quality in a child: some uniqueness? Or, on the contrary, is there something general, universal, that will work the same for every child, regardless of where they live, their parents, heredity, karma, state, what they want to do, what they will do? Is there such a quality?
Raising Children: Parental Influence and Key Qualities
This topic is incredibly important for every person in life, even if you are not parents right now. It gives you the opportunity to look at your personality differently. Many become parents at the moment when certain events happen in their lives from the perspective of their own understanding and realization of how to move forward. I have four children: two girls (13 and 9 years old), two boys (7 and 3 years old).
A child comes into your family: they chose the place where they should come. Made the choice based on a whole range of circumstances. This spiritual being lives in the world – between death and birth, between birth and death. And they decided to come to solve certain tasks. When a child becomes like their parents – it’s not because the parents wanted them to be like them, but because the child, coming into the family, wanted to be like these parents and live part of their life with them, enter life through these people.
In a child's life, there are three reasons for events happening, or three foundations.
First – their karma and what is formed in them before birth. Moreover, it's important: what is formed before birth does not start to manifest immediately. It fills up for about 21 years to then manifest. It starts to act from 21, and at 28 – it launches dramatically, changes. You can see how many people switch at 28. Many switch at 21, it's connected with the fact that a person has matured or is considered an adult at this time somewhere.
But look at 28 – at this time, a person often has a dramatic switch. They may move to another country, get married, have children, or something cardinal may change. Different changes happen to a person during this period. And one of the big foundations – is their karma, which is formed at 21 years, then – at 28 years. Such a very strong start of karma realization. From 21 to 28 there is still some formation, and at the same time, karmic fulfillment already.
So, everything that happens during 21 years is not a karmic event, but the cause of what will happen in the future. Because there is karma in the future. And these events that are here – they are both a consequence and a cause of what will happen in the future.
Karma and Heredity in Upbringing: The Role of Parental Actions
There is a second component – heredity.
This is what happens due to your lineage and what kind of family it is, often has incredible significance. It can even have such a deep influence that your first karmic circumstances, like your spiritual personalities, may not even reveal themselves. Often in life, a person comes and says: “Tell me, what is my main task or what should I do now?” The thing is that in life (depending on the period) a completely different state may turn on in you – you may become a different person. We see a large number of people in the world who change significantly at a certain period, someone, of course, doesn’t change and won’t change at all. Events happen quite linearly and are very limited. The third component that has incredible influence on a person is what they have done or acquired in this life. Newly organized karma: it usually moves forward, in this life you may not even get it. But many circumstances and changes that you made in this life will influence your life.
So, when we return to the child and talk about them, what is the main quality to bring to the child for something to happen? We must at least rely on three bases of karma, heredity, and ongoing actions and see how much we can truly influence. Still, when we say "bring quality," we mean we want to influence. How much do we want to influence our child, and how much can we influence our child?
Understanding that there is karma, heredity, different life circumstances, it's important to remember that the qualities you try to instill have a small parameter. It may often be completely unnoticeable. Maybe, in fact, it will become incredibly important, and what you instill will be important in terms of their heredity. Or maybe the quality you instill will actually be pre-formed and approved, predictable, which is also important and needs to be understood. When you want your child to be on time, you must understand that you are taking responsibility to influence this. You must clearly ask yourself: “Do I really understand this? Honestly, truly understand how this is arranged? Do I really understand the cause-and-effect relationship? Can I look very broadly and understand what really affects my child and will affect them in the future?” For example, there is a description that says if a boy urinates standing up at the age of 4, 5, 6 years, then at the age of 25, 30, 35 years, their perception of warmth and love for other people will decrease. Imagine how many people see such patterns and see them? Some of you will now say that this is nonsense. But in fact, if we look at real life, we will see how a huge number of events flow without our influence, involvement, awareness. Even when we want to eat a banana, our awareness is very conditional: we often do it intuitively, but our digestion works at least not because we force all organs to turn on. I'm not even talking about other events, like feelings of anger, aggression, or joy that appear inside us.
We can create some conditions, circumstances around us, go to a certain place, some space, communicate with certain people, close ourselves in a room or go to work in a certain place – all this can conditionally affect our state. Someone will feel good in the forest, someone will feel incredible depression, apathy, and commit suicide.
Responsibility and Sincerity in Parenting: Shaping a Child's Personality
As parents, when you understand that you want to instill certain qualities in a child (first of all you want to change them, influence them), you must answer yourself: do you really honestly, truly see what this person needs? Otherwise, you implement your own ambitions, ego, or inability to see and perceive. Therefore, many parents want to instill in a child what they have achieved themselves, and their ego is so great. They say: “I studied at this school, look what I became, so my child will go to this school” or “I don’t know how to ride a horse, but I dreamed of doing it all my life, so my child will be a rider, will do horseback riding, spend their whole life with horses, because I know it's great.” How do I know it's great? Because it's my dream, it's some of my illusion. In fact, I don't know if it's interesting because I’ve never done it and wasn’t involved in it, that is, it's not connected to me.
When you asked yourself this question, you should then look and tell yourself the following: “How much do I have the right (even if you see that it's the truth) to supply some component into a child’s life, change this quality?” How much do you really have the right? Because as a dad I am responsible and guide my children's lives to a certain age, I have the right to forbid or allow something, this is obvious, up to a certain age. For someone, it may be up to 16, 18, 20 years, plus or minus. I have the right to do this until the person fully connects with the serious, with their entire spiritual system. At the same time, I actually help them become who they should be.
My key task is to try as much as possible to see in this child who they should become, and try to bring them to this life. Not to get into it, not to bring my whims, amusements, some desires, my endless knowledge, hobbies, thoughts, my attitude.
The child will still take everything from you, don't worry: your behavior at home with your husband or wife, whether you live in joy, harmony or in a divorce, whether you truly love each other or create an illusion, how you hear each other, yourself. Not your husband or wife is responsible for raising your children, so that the child takes the best, honest, pure, but you yourself. I am solely responsible for bringing something to my children as honestly, truly, and truthfully as possible, and my wife with her own is responsible.
In life, it’s an incredibly important, cool state – to be in awareness and study how my perception of moving forward, my wife's moving forward affects. Besides this, a lot of other things influence.
Parental Honesty and Influence: Building the Foundations of Child Development
The most important influence on your child is their own influence on themselves. So, there are no repeating children or events. I have four kids, and they are all different. Not just in terms of character, behavior, perception of the sky, forest, nature, a lot of people, cars, food - they are different externally as well. If you look at my two daughters, they are completely different, physically and behaviorally, in habits and desires. We can see how kids influence other kids, how older ones bring something new to the younger ones because they spend a lot of time together. The place your child goes to (school or kindergarten) has an incredible influence on your child. It's funny. People say, "We need to send the child to kindergarten as soon as possible, they need socialization." I have a very close person, a Brahmin from India. He says, "It's amazing how people think. Who told them that all the people, all these children the child meets in kindergarten are good?" Who told you all the kids are good? Because a child becomes an adult, and at that moment, we clearly divide them into good and bad. But within them lives the spiritual being of this adult person. When you send them to kindergarten or school, you must understand: this group of souls has an incredible influence on each other. And usually, there are no random people there. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't send anyone to kindergarten or school, but it means that if you make the decision, do it consciously, not just screaming that the child needs socialization. This is phenomenal. There are a huge number of people who believe that a child needs socialization and a lot of people around. Why? They see many people who behave poorly in society or cannot be in a big society. Yet these people went to kindergarten as children: something happened there that made them closed off, unable to talk to other people, unable to be in a state where you perceive any person easily, in a state of love and joy.
The best quality you can instill in a child, incredibly strong and important, is the understanding that I love myself, I have responsibility in this life for myself, I am worthy of moving forward in this life, and the difficulties around me are what give me the opportunity to move forward and develop.
Self-respect and Self-love: The Foundation of a Child's Confidence
Despite whether I write poorly or well, speak poorly or well, whether my eyes are beautiful or not, whether my body is beautiful or not, whether I have pimples or not, whether I speak quickly or slowly, whether I draw a white snowman or a pink one, no matter what, the first thing is to cultivate a sense of self-love in a child. Parents can bring this feeling when they truly love themselves.
Loving yourself is not ego; it gives the opportunity to love others. And loving others is such an opportunity when you see many children, and they are all a spark, an importance in your life. They are all the same; you don't choose which one is yours and which is someone else's. You don't divide them by any circumstances. You see the person in them. Do you have this quality or not? Or will you kill another person but save your own? Who is closer to you in terms of being a person?
I will always try with my children to be in a state of not wanting to influence them, with the conscious understanding that a child is a unique person with their own life. Very carefully bringing in some of my ideas, understanding that I might be wrong and not truly seeing what life this child should have. Supporting this person, supporting them with heart, love, with real, honest help, not manipulating them for my own benefit, for my own fears in the future.
Because people are afraid their child will get sick, won't get into a certain class, the teacher will say their child is doing poorly, that they'll do something bad, show you in a bad light. People are afraid that while they are connected to this child and haven't died, something bad will happen to them. You know, everyone will die someday, everyone will have both good and bad things happen. This is the life of a person.
Parental Consciousness Development: The Key to Successful Parenting
You should raise people through love, heart, your own work, and example, personal development. When I, as a person, develop, engage, seek my path of development, pay great attention to it, and not degrade at home in front of the TV or with a bottle of beer, vodka, whiskey, not be in my own illusions about other people, manipulation, and deceit. Because the child absorbs all this, perceives it and takes it inside.
This complex topic is incredibly important because it gives a person the opportunity to expand their consciousness, thinking. And only a broad-minded person is capable of doing many various grand actions.
It would seem, such a distant importance for many people, like love and the development of children, affects the result in your business, professional activity, partnership, how you feel, in what freedom you really are. In this freedom of the world, perception of nature, space, partnership, social environment, countries, all the worst that is present in the world, and all the kindest, warmest, and sunniest that is here.
We are constantly making decisions on where to move. How important it is to know those right actions we must take today, tomorrow, through the week or at any moment.