Automatic Comparison and Its Consequences
— You open a social network and find someone richer, smarter, healthier, more successful. How does involuntary comparison with other people get triggered? How does it lead to the harshest burnout, from which it’s impossible to recover? Why does comparison shut down your own motivation? And how can you stop this race?
Inside your system, a chain reaction begins. First, self-esteem drops. Then apathy and anxiety appear. Inside, everything starts to tremble, the anxiety becomes unbearable, and this worsens the state. Irritability arises, heaviness, loss of clarity. Against this background, comparison with others gets triggered again and again. Repeating the cycle every day, week after week, month after month, a person ensures not only burnout, but also the loss of identity, the feeling of freedom, and personal growth.
Why does the brain constantly compare?
— A person often catches themselves thinking: “They are smarter, faster, richer.” Why is it that comparison arises again and again, even if you’re engaged in spiritual development?
— This is one of the most destructive patterns. Social networks are built on it: their foundation is comparing yourself to others. But it’s not just comparison, it’s the desire to become the same. The key point: every impulse to compare is the ego.
The ego manifests itself either in exaltation: “I’m cooler than this person,” or in loss: “I will never achieve this.” Both are destructive. Doubt and comparison stall forward movement and personal growth.
Envy and “white envy”
— Is envy connected to comparison? And does “white envy” exist? Can it be useful?
— Envy is often connected with comparison, though not always. Sometimes comparison gives rise to worthlessness or dissatisfaction. But if envy is added to that — this is already a serious signal.
So-called “white envy” is a myth. A person thinks: “Another deserves it, and I deserve it too,” and calls this “pure envy.” But envy always destroys. It’s important to distinguish envy from a healthy impulse. A healthy impulse is when you see someone else’s result and think: “Why don’t I try it too?” But at the same time you calmly accept that you may not have it. As soon as the demand arises: “I must have this,” — that’s destruction.
— So, it’s not the fact that comparison arises that matters, but how you react to it?
— It’s important to look at the source. If I compare companies by performance to make a decision — that’s reasonable action. If I compare how a person of my age and build runs, to assess my level — that’s normal.
But if I scroll a feed or meet a classmate with a new car and begin to devalue either him or myself — this is already destructive comparison. We’re talking specifically about comparison that provokes anger, envy, anxiety, resentment, self-flagellation, and insecurity.
— And what if envy comes suddenly?
— The first step is to learn to observe calmly. I’ll explain with an example. Imagine: you’re driving, someone cuts you off. Options:
- You swear and later retell it at home. Complete unawareness.
- You swear, but later realize it was pointless.
- You swear and realize during the process that it was pointless.
- You realize in advance, but still can’t restrain yourself.
- You realize — and don’t swear.
It’s the same with envy and comparison. You need to go through the path from full identification to simple calm recognition: “This is a mistake. I compared again.” The very fact of recognition already reduces the power of the mechanism.
Transformation of comparison
— What can comparison be transformed into? Can it become some kind of positive motivation, a positive impulse? How to respond constructively?
— You can not only observe, but study: “Why did I compare? What do I really want to do? What do I want to change? How do I want to harm another person? Do I really want to harm another person?” If you catch yourself in destructive comparison, you can turn it into action: instead of devaluing another — support them, praise them, help strengthen their result. And at the same time, strengthen your own. This is a very powerful transformation — through action.
— The neighbor’s grass is always greener. How to stop devaluing your own successes?
— Devaluation can arise from comparison, but not only. It’s important to fix the very fact of comparison and observe it. The more you dive into comparisons, discuss others, envy them — the stronger your own insecurity grows. Even if your job requires analysis and comparisons, it can gradually undermine internal stability. This is very difficult.
— Right in the moment “here and now” a person is hit by envy. What exactly should they do? Some short technique, some practice?
— First — acknowledge: “Right now I am in an unconscious state. I do not perceive reality clearly.” In such a state, any action will lead to mistakes. Often, a release is needed. You act from a state of narrowed perception: first you need to enter a state of expanded perception. It’s important to understand that entering a state of calm perception for one person can be resolved in 10 minutes, for another — it can take years, just to stabilize and calm down at least somewhat.
Simple ways:
- jump 30 times,
- listen to music,
- talk to someone,
- sit in silence for 20 minutes.
The very fact of diagnosing such a state in yourself is already an incredible key to freedom. This is the very exit point from comparison, the possibility of not being trapped in it.