Stress is a state when a person feels unwell overall. However, defining what stress actually is isn’t so simple. Many people don’t perceive certain situations as stress, viewing them instead as routine everyday events. Yet, there’s a big difference: stress can manifest both physically and as a relentless stream of thoughts that you can’t shut off. Not all thoughts cause stress, and in such cases, the person isn’t actually in a state of stress.
Let’s look at three specific examples to better understand what happens to someone under stress:
- The first scenario is performing on stage or speaking in public. Although unfamiliar for many, this helps clarify the nature of stress.
- The second situation involves stress at work, such as dealing with a boss or colleagues when a quick and important decision needs to be made.
- The third situation is stress within a relationship—with a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife—during a sharp conflict that requires resolution.
The question is: how does one handle stress while performing in public? It’s not realistic to just sit still for 30 minutes with a straight back. You often feel the urge to do something—like jump up and down, listen to music, or call your mom. An interesting and effective solution is to call someone you have a trusting and warm relationship with, to change your mood and lower your stress.
But there’s another approach: call someone you have a difficult or emotionally complex relationship with during a stressful moment. This “countermove” can help resolve the stress on a deeper level. For example, if you’re stressed at work and have unresolved tension with your father, calling him might radically shift your perspective and reduce the stress level. It’s a powerful way to process pressure and regain inner balance.
Now let’s consider a concrete example: someone is stressed while performing on stage and begins to struggle. There are many techniques for managing this state, but let’s not dive into them. The approach described here is based on understanding the process of stress itself and how it affects a person.
The first thing you can do when stress arises is give yourself a brief pause to recover. For instance, on stage or during a performance, you can stop for 30 seconds to think and gather yourself. No one forbids you from taking that moment.
The second simple solution is to openly tell those around you that you’re stressed. Of course, some situations won’t allow for this, but in most cases—especially in public speaking—honesty earns support from the audience. Admitting that you’re struggling to perform is already a way to relieve the tension.
But you can’t predict all stressful situations or prepare universal solutions for them. It depends on how well you can generate responses quickly in the moment.
If stress happens at work, you can prepare in advance. Say you're in a meeting with colleagues where unfairness or irritation may arise—like when someone takes credit for your work or tries to look better than others. In such cases, the best reaction is to pause and stay silent. Sometimes, silence is the strongest and wisest choice.
After a performance, it’s important not to start justifying yourself or rushing to offer solutions. Don’t try to prove you’re better or blame others—for example, by saying someone “stole your work.” Instead, say: “I need some time. I’ve received a lot of information today. I can respond in an hour or tomorrow.” It’s crucial to always take time for yourself—most of the time, it’s available.
In conflicts with a partner—boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife—it’s also best not to try to resolve the issue immediately. This is a basic rule for handling stress: don’t seek solutions on the spot.
When it comes to working through stress, the key is to identify its cause—not to resolve it instantly. You need time to understand why the stress emerged.
For instance, during public speaking, you can’t undo what has already happened—a performance is unique and unrepeatable. That’s why it’s helpful to prepare in advance for potential stressful or confrontational moments. Think about what you’ll do if things go wrong on stage: if your voice shakes, if someone says something rude from the audience, or if the crowd starts getting noisy and disruptive. Preparing mentally allows you to face such events calmly.
An interesting situation occurred during the summer U.S. election campaign when Donald Trump was shot. Everyone knows about this event. After the shot, Trump stood up within a minute and raised his hand—many consider this a heroic act. But it’s worth thinking about: why did he raise his hand? Was it a spontaneous move during those 30 seconds on the ground, or was it something he had mentally rehearsed for a possible crisis? This example shows that our responses to stress often rely on prior preparation and clarity on how to act under pressure.
Imagine you walk on stage not expecting anyone to throw tomatoes at you. Suddenly, it happens—several people start throwing them, and you go into a stress state. At that point, you start coming up with a solution under high pressure.
It’s especially hard to deal with stress if you’re not used to extreme situations. For instance, a person who hasn’t faced danger in a long time and isn’t prepared for being shot at or attacked may freeze in stress and not know what to do.
In a tomato-throwing scenario, it’s vital to understand which response to choose: stay on stage and continue, leave the stage, or try to stop the aggressive crowd. Everything depends on the specific environment and context. In one case, leaving is the only option. In another, it’s better to go on, relying on security to remove the disruptors. In a third, you may try to de-escalate the aggression yourself.
Making the right decision under stress requires the ability to stay neutral and understand that there are multiple possible actions, depending on the circumstances.
This story is a reminder that any action taken during stress can have both positive and negative consequences. The same goes for the famous moment when President Trump raised his hand after being shot—there could’ve been a second shot. In such situations, we have virtually no control, and any action carries some degree of risk and outcome.
Stressful events and our reactions to them are always complex and multi-layered, and understanding their causes and consequences helps us become more conscious of our actions and their effects on our lives.
When someone is in a state of stress, their ability to make well-thought-out decisions—those not prepared in advance or based on clear awareness of consequences—drops significantly. That’s a critical point. The simplest and most effective thing to do is take a pause and avoid making any decisions right away.
This is especially important during conflicts and interpersonal communication—with a spouse, child, parent, boss, or employee. In a state of stress, never respond immediately. You need to stop, take a pause, and only then react.
Remember this simple truth: when you’re stressed, your perception is narrowed, and you’re more likely to make wrong decisions. To choose the right path, you have to exit the stress state—even if just for 30 seconds—before making any choices. Acting while stressed almost always leads to judgment and behavioral errors.
When you’re stressed and start generating solutions, it’s important to constantly ask yourself: Can I take a pause? If the stress persists, that’s exactly what you should do—pause. Often you’ll feel an urge to say something you think is crucial at that moment—like telling your wife she’s wrong or confronting your boss about a mistake. Your head might be screaming to speak out immediately.
But you have to realize that the world won’t collapse if you don’t say everything right now. A constant reminder—“Can I not say this right now?”—can prevent many rash decisions.
This pause in a stressful moment helps maintain inner balance and avoid errors that are easy to make in haste and emotion.
Taking a pause is a powerful move in relationships and communication. Even when a quick response is needed, it’s better to pause. You can say something like, “I need to use the restroom, I’ll be right back,” to give yourself space to think. This is often the wisest decision.
Sometimes, just a short delay is enough for a conflict to fade or become less intense. Often, stress isn’t a one-time event—it’s the result of long-standing and recurring circumstances. It’s important to understand that such stress can’t be resolved instantly. Its presence signals that you need to work on the root causes, not just try to fix the surface issue immediately.
Say someone works at a checkout counter and is constantly stressed by a certain type of customer. That’s a tough position—living in daily stress at work. But if they spend the whole day at home without encountering such people, it may seem like there’s no need to deal with the stress because it isn’t actively triggered.
Here’s the paradox: many people don’t even notice they experience daily stress at home—with a spouse, with a child. Stress arises when they leave work and go home, and again when they return to work. Some can’t stand being at work and rush home, while others feel overwhelmed at home and escape to the office. Some suffer from loneliness at home, others from being around their spouse, kids, in-laws. These situations are all different, but they share one thing: stress is present every day.