#spirituality #selfdevelopment #personaltransformation
How can you ensure that your life, not just for a day, a month, or a year, but constantly, keeps improving? How do you keep growing, expanding, and reaching that powerful, immense feeling when you know: “I feel great, I definitely feel better”?
Hope for the future?
The question “How do you feel better year after year?” worries pretty much everyone. There’s always this thought in your head that something better is coming—a kind of hope for the future. You keep wondering what’s going to happen with your state of mind, how to start feeling good tomorrow, the day after, a month from now, or a year from now. Honestly, it’s a reasonable question. Some might say it’s not living in the moment; it’s more like anxiety. But at the same time, it’s absolutely normal to ask yourself: “How can I feel better?”
Especially if you approach it from the perspective of development and growth: as your perception of life expands, you naturally start feeling better. So, how do you make it happen?
Here’s an interesting illusion that can trip people up. In this question of becoming “better and better,” there’s this idea of gradual improvement. Pay attention: where this concept exists, there’s no end point. But people want to feel better at a specific moment and say: “In five years, I’ll make a million dollars and move to Thailand,” or “I’ll buy a house, and everything will be great,” or “We’ll have a baby, and everything will be perfect,” or “I’ll climb the career ladder at my job, then start my own business, and after that, everything will be wonderful.” These are stop points.
But when we’re talking about “better and better,” the basic state is one where things keep improving endlessly. This means we need to grasp the full power of this question before diving into the “how.” The state of “better” has no limits. This means you can feel better not just in this way: you feel like a 10—it becomes 100; from 100—it becomes 1,000; from 1,000—it becomes 10,000, and so on. In this state, there’s always development and a kind of infinity. That’s a very strong perspective to approach the question, though we’ll also talk about specific actions needed to make it happen.
The flip side: How do you live so things don’t get worse?
I want to spend a moment on the state of “worse.” As I mentioned earlier, there’s an infinite state of “better,” and it’s essential to keep that in mind. But here’s something else to know: there’s also an infinite state of “worse.” We’ll definitely explore specific actions to make life better and constantly improve it. On the other hand, there’s another important question to ask: “How do you live so things don’t keep getting worse—so much worse that it spirals into infinite ‘worse’? When you know there’s ‘bad’ at -10, how do you keep it from becoming -100, -1,000, -10,000, and then -1,000,000?” As life shows, things can get very, very bad.
The subjective perception of “better”: What does observation mean?
So, what does “better and better” even mean? Let’s unpack this so we’re on the same page about how you and I will evaluate this state. Are you going to evaluate it in terms of material wealth, health, the number of people around you, or some other metric?
I suggest evaluating “better” not based on external social indicators (like the amount of money, your job, or professional activities), but from the perspective of how you perceive the world. This isn’t about your state, feelings, emotions, or life circumstances—it’s about how you experience the world: how deeply you feel it, how well you understand what’s happening, how ready you are to observe whether things are improving or getting worse.
I’m not against you asking whether it’s “bad” to live in a state of “better.” I suggest looking at how you’re going to assess and compare this moving forward, because you’ll be doing it your whole life, no matter what’s happening or where you are—you’ll be reflecting on your state. That reflection can be degrading: you’re constantly dissatisfied, or you’re excessively content with your state. “Excessively” means you’re not telling yourself the truth, and at some point, you stop evaluating your life altogether and retreat into a state of total closure.
Life, and the flow of life, is about constantly evaluating and endlessly observing. If you want to grow and not get stuck, you have to keep observing your life and evaluating what’s happening: What’s your life like? How do you feel? What’s your mood, your state? Where are causes and effects leading you? What will actually happen when you’re calm and capable of evaluating these things over a long time? Five months? A year? Three years? Five years? Fifteen years? When you’re capable of evaluating for the long term—that’s the state of “better.”
And this is a fascinating point about self-observation. Observing the state of “better” not from the position of external qualities and characteristics, or even your feelings and sensations. What’s important? How you feel is far more important than the amount of money you have or anything else happening around you. How do you feel right now? What’s your state at this moment? What’s happening inside you? This is critical. But most importantly: can you feel it at all?
Many people (including you) might think everything in their life is fine and great, but they’re only seeing things in a very narrow way, not fully perceiving reality. Some people become so closed off and numb, they only reflect on their “better” state from a limited perspective, losing touch with their life altogether.
There’s one problem with the question of living better and better. We’ve discussed different sides of it, but there’s another very interesting one: some people don’t acknowledge that something in their life might be off. They think everything is already fine. This is a well-known side of egoism, where a person develops the mindset: “Why do I even need to do anything?” And so, they do nothing.
Why does this happen? It’s a state of apathy and an inability to perceive everything happening around them. The person shuts down their perception at some point, wasn’t taught otherwise, and stopped developing at 27 or 28 years old, just going with the flow. Within that flow, they say: “Look, my life is already good. Why should it get better and better?” Some people say they want to move to Thailand in three years to make life better; others say their life is already good, so they stop.
This is the main reason for human inaction. And how do they stay inactive?
The Most Important Thing for Improving Your State
Earlier, I mentioned that the most important thing to do is to realize this simple fact: "better" means expanding your perception of what's happening. People stop taking action because they don't fully perceive what's happening, they're afraid to see it, to truly open up, to take a clear look at the world, and to tell themselves the truth. And this is like a snowball: it just keeps rolling, and rolling, and rolling... The less a person wants to act, grow, or admit how important it is to make things better, the more lost they feel. There's no focus on how to feel better in terms of perception. Telling yourself the truth and setting a goal like, "I want things to get better, I want to perceive more," takes real strength.
So how do you act? Let’s break down where proper action comes from. To feel like taking action, you need to want to do something. But even more important is to understand and know what exactly you need to do to make things better. That’s a fundamental question in itself. And to want something better, you first need to figure out what "better" even means to you; otherwise, you'll run into problems.
If you think "better" means getting your kid into a good school, owning your own house, having lots of money, or making sure your wife stops throwing tantrums, then your actions will be aimed at achieving those things.
But what I suggest is looking at and directing your actions toward events that make you feel better in terms of perceiving more of everything happening around you. When you perceive more, you gain an incredible, colossal tool—the ability to choose what to do. Because right now, you don’t do that. A person who doesn’t want to grow but instead chases short-term "better," who thinks everything is already fine as it is, or who is stuck in a constant state of "everything sucks," no matter what happens—this is someone who doesn’t fully perceive what’s happening around them. Inside, they are filled with apathy, anxiety, irritation, and depression. It’s well-known and proven in every possible way that depression has nothing to do with the amount of money in your bank account or how many kids you have in your family.
I live in California, and recently, I met with a very famous American entrepreneur. While we were talking, one of his employees joined us at the table and said to me, "You’ve got four kids. I don’t know how you do it." He has three kids. And he goes, "Man, four is not three." So I told him, "Listen, having four is easier than having three." He said that having two was easy, and he thought three would be just as manageable, but it turned out to be really tough. That’s just his state: it’s hard for him personally, while I feel fine. But that’s not about the number of kids; it’s about some internal state. I’m not saying it’s impossible to feel overwhelmed in such situations—it’s a challenging task, no doubt, and everyone’s challenges are different. My wife and I enjoy spending time with our kids; it brings us joy, while many people need a bunch of nannies just to be around theirs. And sometimes, people say they feel fine, but in those moments, they had some sort of support system. For instance, we’ve never wanted to live with another person in our space, like having a nanny stay with us. We never wanted that. We always believed our space should just be for us, not for someone else to spend the night in.
But many people who can’t spend time with their kids surround themselves with extra tools like that.
And this is something very important to consider: when another person lives with you, they might bring more depression, negative emotional states, and difficulties than your child ever could. You think it’s the kid causing it, but in reality, it’s the other person. Also, very often, you don’t truly experience raising your own child—it’s the other person who does it. They live with them and raise them.
The same thing happens when we overload ourselves with extra tasks at work or in business. We say we don’t want to deal with financial accounting in our company because we’re not interested, don’t like it, and it stresses us out, so we hire a financial manager. But the person doesn’t want to approach this issue openly and calmly admit they’re running away from solving it. Situations with kids and in business are very similar.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t hire nannies or financial directors. The question is how much you’re truly perceiving the situation, how much you’re not making it worse but instead understanding the cause-and-effect relationships of what’s happening—not abstractly, not in some illusion, but for real. How much are you genuinely aware of what’s going on?
Why People Don’t Do What They Say. When Words Don’t Match Actions
People come to therapy, where they’re given clear solutions, things to do, but for some reason, they don’t do them. Why? That person doesn’t have the strength to do it, to realize the action. It’s not that they don’t believe in it—they don’t even understand what it is. Their system isn’t connecting—not just neural networks—nothing in their system connects to make them take action. Doing something isn’t just about the brain; it’s about your whole spiritual being stepping up to make a strong, real move. Many people have obvious problems, and the actions they need to take are often really simple.
You tell someone, “Call your mom tonight. Do it, and your whole state will transform after that.” They don’t call. You say, “Talk to your husband,” but they don’t do it, so no transformation happens, no forward movement.
But you have to remember: any piece of advice has two sides to it. That advice could be super helpful, right, and necessary, but it could also lead you into a state of decline. It all depends on whether the person giving the advice sees the full picture. A huge number of people don’t see it: they think solving one issue will fix everything. But by solving one problem, they kick off a chain of other problems that start unfolding in that person’s life. And over a span of fifty years, they end up with way more negatives than positives—all because of that one decision. That’s why you often don’t follow through on the advice given by mentors, coaches in programs, different teachers, books, or therapy—because your spiritual being knows that it’s not the advice to listen to.
Let’s go back to the original question: what does “better” mean?
“Better” is perceiving more; perceiving more is seeing more cause-and-effect connections; seeing more cause-and-effect connections is better understanding the truth; better understanding the truth is having more strength for certain actions; having more strength to act on truth is the ability to make the right decisions. But not everyone has the opportunities or options. We can debate for hours whether not wanting to work in the garden is bad—because not everyone has that option. We can talk endlessly about how great it is to go on trips, but for some, it’s easy, while for others, it’s hard. We can argue forever about how amazing it is to start your own business, but not everyone can do it—there’s daily responsibility, and you can’t just stop or turn off your work if you’re juggling two or three jobs to feed your kids or family. You simply can’t: you can’t switch, you don’t have those options, because it could destroy everything. Many people can’t even step outside because there are rockets flying overhead… And there’s another question: does a space even exist that allows you to make it happen?
My Conversation with a Doctor: “What Are You Breathing?”
We’ll definitely discuss what kind of environment a person needs. And that environment—it’s not just people; they’re just one part of it. Environment is a lot more. And what’s in the air? What are we breathing?
Ten years ago, I asked a well-known doctor, “Tell me, how much does nutrition affect a person’s health?” He looked at me and said, “Sasha, before we talk about nutrition, it’s important to understand: the first thing that affects a person’s health is the air they breathe.” Back then, I was living in Moscow (originally from Minsk), where my family and I moved in 2010. Now we live in the U.S., in California, just south of San Francisco. At that moment, I thought about how interesting and fundamental this was. My entire system is constantly consuming specific air with certain components. If I’m in a place where the air is polluted, that’s how I’m going to feel. So when people live in Dubai, for example—what difference does it make how much money there is? The question is: what are you breathing there?
The second factor the doctor mentioned was water: and that’s not just what we drink. A lot of people consume very strange water. You take a shower—that’s water consumption; and it’s also the water outside, everything your body absorbs.
And only the third factor is nutrition. Then he said, “Is there any point in talking about food after that?” And in your environment, there are so many other factors—like the places you visit daily. What does the space around you look like? What kind of space is it? What kind of feelings does it give you? There are places that simply can’t bring positive emotions; there are places that will only trigger negative feelings, no matter what you do. If you go to a place where there are 50 drunk people, it’ll give you a certain vibe. You can’t change that feeling, no matter how much you meditate there or work with a psychologist—you’ll still feel bad in that space. If rockets are flying outside and there’s constant anxiety—you’re going to feel bad. This is something very important to remember.
Constant Improvement and Perception of Life
When we talk about things getting better, about people not taking action—we need to remember that there’s a certain space we’re in and specific limitations. This is the huge lock: a person wants “better,” but first, they want it to get better in two years; and second, they want it in a limited space. I’m offering you an incredibly cool solution: to understand that the state of “better” is a state of broad perception, when you perceive life around you much more. Then the environment doesn’t matter. And along with that, when you realize that “better” is infinite, then you understand that you’re always capable of growth—at any age, even if you’re 70 or 80 years old. And now, many of you reading this (you’re 30, 35, 40, some a bit younger, some a bit older) need to realize: you have an enormous amount of time ahead to keep making things better. Behind you is a part of life. Feeling that is an incredible happiness. When you truly feel it, you scale as a person, your entire life scales. It’s not just about banal scaling x3 or x5—it’s something completely different. It’s a different fullness and a different life.