I often meet people who, on the surface, seem to be doing everything right. They’re trying. They’re reading. Growing. They have decent jobs. Relationships? Check.
And yet—there’s a dull, persistent dissatisfaction inside.
As if something is always off. As if life hasn’t really begun yet.
And when you go deeper in conversation with them, the same thought always comes up:
“Once I start earning a stable income—then I’ll finally breathe.”
“When I find the perfect partner—then I’ll start living.”
But life goes on. Incomes increase, partners come and go, cities change—yet the feeling of fulfillment never arrives.
Why? That’s the focus of this article. We’ll dive into how the idea of an “ideal” limits who a person can truly become—and how to break free from that trap.
1. The Ideal Is a Dead End
The very concept of the “ideal” or the “perfect picture” is already a limitation—a limitation on growth, a limitation on thinking.
Sure, you can use an ideal as a temporary reference point—something to inspire you, a snapshot of what “good” might look like. But the moment you start chasing an ideal as a final destination, you start shutting yourself down.
The ideal represents completion. It implies you’re done changing, done evolving.
When you say:
- “I want the perfect relationship,”
- “I want the perfect career,”
- “I want the perfect amount of money,”
- “I want the perfect appearance,”
What you’re really saying is: “I want this to stop changing.”
Because ‘perfect’ means final.
- A perfect relationship is one that doesn’t change anymore.
- A perfect amount of money is “enough”—no more growth needed.
- A perfect child is one who’s “just right” and doesn’t need to evolve.
- A perfect business is one that’s already formed—new ideas no longer required.
The ideal is a handbrake on growth.
2. The Illusion of Peace Just Beyond the Horizon
A close friend once told me:
“If I earn $10 million, I’ll finally stop worrying about money.”
Another said:
“When I hit a $7,000 monthly salary—I’ll be happy.”
Now they look back on those statements with a smirk. They’ve surpassed those goals—and realized none of it brought real peace or joy. In fact, it created even more tension.
It’s a perfect example of how we trap ourselves in the illusion that once we hit a certain target, we’llfinally be able to relax.
3. What Do We Miss While Chasing the Ideal?
In the pursuit of the ideal, people miss out on life itself—on opportunities that exist outside of their imagined perfection, and on the meaning embedded in the act of living.
For example:
- “I’ll make money first, then I’ll get married” — and miss out on love.
- “We’ll live together for three years, then have a child” — and miss the moment the child could’ve come.
- “I’ll work for 15 years, then focus on my health” — and lose that health along the way.
- “First, I’ll earn $1,000 instead of just $300” — and miss a chance for real professional growth.
Chasing the ideal is chasing an illusion. And the one who clings to it lives in illusion. That’s something we simply need to admit. The ideal doesn’t exist.
4. How Do You Break Free from the Illusion?
- First — acknowledge that the ideal is not a final destination. It’s an imaginary constraint.
- Then — ask yourself: “Why do I need this ideal in the first place?”
For example:
“I need the perfect relationship.” Why?
To have the “right” children?
To show others how great my relationship is?
If you’re chasing the ideal for the sake of others’ approval, then you’re building your life not for love, not for happiness, not for the present moment, not for your future.
You’re creating idealized conditions based on external validation—and that forms an invisible prison.
That’s why I invite you to take a closer look at where you’re creating ideals.
Make a list. Write down the areas of your life where you’ve set the “ideal” as the final point.
Look at it. This alone can spark tremendous forward movement. It shifts your perspective and opens you up to something new.