#spirituality #selfdevelopment #personaltransformation
Life from the State of "Must"
#spirituality #selfdevelopment #personalitytransformation
What’s the Question? How to Get Rid of the Feeling of "Must"
– Is it effective to run a business not from the state of "must" or trying to prove something to someone, but from another state? What other state can you run things, a business from? Is it possible to switch to such a state on your own, or do you have to wait for a crisis? Not chasing someone or trying to prove something, but simply doing business out of a sense of calm, clarity, love, when you might as well not be doing it at all?
– Recently, with this same person, we discussed the topic of how to behave when you’re laid off and change professional activities. When looking at this question, an interesting point arises: many people “must” work; it’s very important for a person to earn a lot of money or create a business, meaning they take the life position of “I must.”
Recently, I saw a post by a well-known blogger about how important it is to focus on childhood traumas and the desire to do what you wanted in childhood. But the thing is, if you focus on childhood trauma, desires, and start implementing them, very often you don’t move towards harmony but instead deepen that same trauma. A person (in this case, you) says they live in such a state, although it’s a very complex energy from the position you’re presenting it, as if it’s hidden, not real; and you say that you do many things in life from a state of "must," then of course, here lies the fundamental point.
"I Knew for Sure That I Didn’t Have to Do Anything"
In 2018, I had a situation in my life. At that moment, I had so much free time that I entered a state where I had neither work nor business. I remember very clearly when I didn’t feel the position of "must" at all, meaning I knew: I didn’t have to! But the space, people around were saying that I must. At that moment, I faced the illusion of enslaving a person through the position: “Everyone is obligated to work 24/7 throughout their entire life.”
"It Would Seem These People Should Live in Peace"
We’re currently in Los Altos Hills, Silicon Valley, South Bay, San Francisco. 49% of the best BigTech engineers in the US live here. You’d think this region is very well-off. Obviously, the best engineers are people who make a lot of money. Recently, I was talking with my close friend Sasha Mashrabov, and we co-host the "To the Moon" podcast about IT. He said something interesting: “I was in China. Of course, salaries there aren’t like in America; they’re similar to Russian ones for engineers. What do you think?” I said, “In China, it’s hard for an engineer to earn half a million, a million dollars a year.” He replied that half a million dollars is possible, but maybe a million isn’t. These are the thoughts on how well-off people live. You’d think these people should live in peace from the standpoint of “must” and their inner state. Yet, what do I observe?
We have close neighbors here who are 86 years old, living in another house. They’ve been living in a house worth around 5 million dollars for 53 years. And this woman keeps telling us that their neighbors bought a property for 4 million 700 thousand dollars, are building a new house, and will invest several million dollars, constantly emphasizing how tough things are for those people – the neighbor was laid off when they bought the house. We arrived with Polina and the kids, and she says: “Can you imagine? And he got laid off.” She presents it as a tragedy. I thought it was unbelievable. Just imagine, how unbelievable it is that, on one hand, people of such age talk about getting laid off, and on the other – people who are in the tech market, in the IT world, worked for serious companies, tell an 86-year-old grandma and grandpa that they got laid off and that they will need to build a house, buying a plot for 4 million 700 thousand dollars, investing several million dollars and generally living in a house worth 2-3 million dollars. What kind of experience is that? Where is it formed? We think that states of “must” and “it’s hard” come in certain countries or certain places in a country.
Life is Long, I Have Another 20 Years Ahead
People often associate childhood traumas with things like: “I didn’t eat,” “it was hard to buy something for myself”; they give examples related to social status. But childhood traumas form and base themselves on entirely different things. The point is, what do we focus our desire for professional activity on? What is it based on? On our strength, on the feeling of freedom, on understanding that I have a long life ahead, and at least another 20-30 years of professional activity. That’s 2, 3, 4 times more than if we take the concentration of professional activity I’ve already had.
I know there are still countless different possibilities for things to happen. I live in trust with this life, not in the expectation that everything will be "very good" or "very bad." I’m ready to work, engage in professional activity. And if I need to, I won’t work or engage in professional activity if I make such a decision. Because I can decide to work more or less depending on different circumstances.
Not everyone has the opportunity to make different choices; it also depends on their own awareness. It’s not always about money. We know a lot of cases where people live in a village or a small town, earn almost nothing, have their own garden, and eat from it. They live, and they don’t have the feeling and desire that they "must," and that something is externally necessary.
The feeling of "must" is often connected; it’s necessary to find the true cause and effect. It’s not the base: it becomes fear that things won’t work out; doubt that there will be problems; circumstances that it won’t be like before, or vice versa. A person strings these things together and acts from the state of "must."
Why Waste Your Life on Extending It
When I was in complete acceptance of what was happening in 2018, I got scared (but it wasn’t the fear itself, more of a thought process): “What’s happening? Why do I feel so calm, not working? And is a person really made to work 24/7 until death?” I don’t diminish the importance of work and believe that a person should work.
But work – in what? In the fact that you spend a lot of time physically working, going to a job, or in the truth that you genuinely and consciously perceive this world? You don’t waste time on false discussions, doubts, on jealousy of other people, on some opposition, on endless digging into yourself, but work to help other people. This is a very important component of truly working. But if a person lives solely in the mode of achievement, in endless hustle – it’s a false sense of freedom. Nowadays, an infinite number of goals, achievements, and plans for the next 50 years are promoted – social, health-related, divided by all circumstances. But there’s no life there.
There’s a well-known American who’s working on extending his life. He says he’s made his joints like a 23-year-old’s, his teeth like those of a 22 or 16-year-old teenager, and so on. This person says he will extend his life. I keep asking myself: “Why spend 6 hours of life daily to extend it?” In total, it’s a huge amount of time, but still, he will die.
– Maybe even earlier, because he’ll probably make a mistake.
– Yeah, he’s constantly taking risks. How much does he understand what state he’s in when he’s using different drugs? What’s disappearing inside him? What does he feel towards his children?
Is This Helping or Destroying?
– We don’t know a lot about how things will develop, we don’t even decide it. We can’t trace, even if we want to, causes and effects. I’m interested in your opinion on some of the ideas I like, for example: “One of the deepest misconceptions, illusions of a person is that they consider themselves smarter than the forces that created them, and that they can ‘hack’ them.”
– The biggest issue here is that when the blogger tries to "hack" these forces, he does the same with the lives of a huge number of people who watch him. And this isn’t beneficial, but people like it, including those who have a lot of money; these people who live in the endless hustle of achievement. And this pursuit of achievement often brings significant trouble to others.
I’m not against big goals or work; I’m for seeing if it truly helps people or if it’s just about boosting one’s own ego. Does the person promoting that you should work 24/7 and even have breakfast at work take responsibility for their words before others? Or are they just helpless and living in a state of endless, unclear stress?