— Today I want to talk about loneliness: how to overcome it and stop being afraid?
— To approach this question and truly get to the bottom of it, to find a harmonious state for yourself, let’s start with a broader range.
Naturally, with a topic like this we first have to identify the reasons this state appears. I suggest we consider the construction of why a person feels good (let’s not add “joyful,” “happy”). When a person feels good, the concept of loneliness as such isn’t present: they can feel good while being completely alone; they can feel good while being among many people.
This is very important, because an enormous number of myths and manipulations in the world are built on the basis of loneliness—by people, various groups, teachings, politicians, traditions, national principles, actions of relatives. A lot has been written about how important it is for a person not to fall into a state of loneliness.
When we talk about a state of loneliness, do we mean: a person is alone, or that a person can feel lonely among a large number of other people? That is, where does loneliness come from? Does it arise because no one surrounds the person: they have no friends, acquaintances, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, children, parents? Or is loneliness something else? Can a person feel loneliness in a large company? And here the question arises: why do they feel it?
And the next question one should pose in this study, to truly understand, is whether loneliness is something bad. Is the state of loneliness bad? And when a person says they feel lonely—what is hidden behind this? Each person may be hiding different states: a sense of confusion, emotional instability, depression, anxiety. They can hide a lot behind the notion of loneliness, they can even express it, describing: “I feel lonely in my principles, approaches, views,” and so on.
What is more important: to have a large number of people who aren’t connected to you at all in views, positions, approaches, actions—or to have no one? If we look at society now, in the 21st century, we’ll see that a huge number of people choose the problems of communication, of socializing, rather than being in a state of loneliness. That is, a person is willing to suffer with another person because of their behavior, actions, but just not trade that for a state of loneliness. Although the question always remains: what is truly more important? To have people in falsehood in terms of your own state, your perception—or to remain alone? When you’re alone, you don’t find yourself facing the fact that you’re surrounded by people who definitely don’t match your life principles, approaches, topics of conversation.
What’s more important? To be with people who say it’s good to kill others and who participate in it? Someone will say, “I won’t be with such people.” To be with those who constantly drink, lie, beat—or to be alone? People often choose to be with those who beat, who lie—but not to be alone. Why is a person afraid? What energy is stored inside that makes a person see loneliness as a negative aspect?
That’s why from the very beginning I posed a very important question: is loneliness bad or good?
— Personally for me—it’s good. But there are people for whom it’s bad. I just always feel good. I’m not afraid of loneliness. On the contrary, being alone with myself is often better for me than being next to other people. If we talk about the social aspect: whether people are nearby or not. And for those who feel bad—what should they do?
— Do you like loneliness more than being with other people?
— I can’t answer that because I haven’t had a situation in my life where I could test it—meaning, where I was cut off from the social world for a very long time. There hasn’t been anything like that. But at the level of inner feeling, especially lately, I want to go somewhere to Altai, to feed goats, take care of cows, and simply detach from the social world. That doesn’t scare me. I actually want it.
— And what is that energy? Why does a person want to do that?
There’s another story—the position where a person wants, on the contrary, to run away into loneliness. To run not because people around are deceiving, but to run from hustle, from labor, from real life. There are people who want to run away from life.
Our topic today is important. It concerns not only working through the state of loneliness; it also concerns one’s attitude toward loneliness from the position of not wanting to run away into it. This matters a lot—the very fact of studying that energy. I didn’t ask you this question by chance. And in your answer you displayed the energy of the opposite side as a somewhat unhealthy perception of this word, this energy, and you defended yourself—saying, “But I’m not afraid.” What is inside? People often mention Altai, some mountains, or India as examples. Who told them that they would find loneliness there—and what kind of loneliness? And does a specific person really need to do that? Is that truly their life’s task?
There are tasks where a person needs to go into complete renunciation, to give up the blessing of money, social rewards, family. A person can have such incarnations and life experiences, where they need to leave. But does everyone need to do that? Is that your path? And what is it based on: an inner thirst and a true hearing of what is happening, or is it a certain myth? You say, “I’d like to leave”—so go ahead, you have the opportunity to do it. Many people have the opportunity to do it. You live in St. Petersburg, not in Palestine or Afghanistan. You have the opportunity to move freely within one country and engage in some kind of labor. You’re an intelligent woman, you’ll find work—and that’s it, you’ll live in that. Then the next question: why don’t you do it? You spoke about it with such zeal. That matters too.
If a person has a thirst, what to do with it? Just as there’s the reverse thirst—insatiable socializing, social contacts. There’s also a person’s fear of being alone. Fear so strong that it shackles all people in chains. A huge number of parents bind their children like this, based on their own fear: “You’ll leave me alone—how will I live without you?” and so on. And not necessarily in adulthood—at any age. And there are, conversely, parents for whom it makes no difference—parents who easily send their children at 12 to study in other countries. And many find this terrifying and strange: “How can anyone do that? Why?”
You have to look at the reasons. What reasons do parents have for doing that? What’s the cause of their state? What motives and convictions are they acting from?
I know a large number of parents who strive to keep their children dependent in this context. Just as many husbands and wives want to keep their family dependent; many children want to keep their parents dependent—the reverse side; employers want to keep their subordinates dependent. Many examples. We basically live in a world where people want to keep each other dependent.
And I began with: “What does it mean to ‘live well’?” If we analyze the very fact of a good life, if you feel wonderful, there’s no specification whether you’re alone or with someone. It could be either. Because with a good life you can feel good being in complete isolation—and you can feel good being in a large society. To feel truly good. The question here is: can one even feel 100% good—what do you think?
— You can’t.
— Why?
— Interacting with you, I already know and understand that there is always better and, as you say, there is always worse. So 100% is a final point, it turns out. I don’t yet know what it means to “feel 100% good.”
— I don’t perceive “good” as better or worse. That’s the whole point. When we say “better” or “worse,” some parameters of comparison are present. When I say “good,” there are no such parameters. Can you feel good—this doesn’t mean better or worse, just good.
— Then it’s possible.
— But you just said it isn’t.
— I said you can’t at 100%, but overall “good”—you can. I feel good right now, despite some external circumstances. I can say that. But I don’t know whether that’s a hundred percent.
— I can ask you 10 questions right now, and you’ll likely say you don’t feel good. Questions can change your mind. Why do you need to constantly define your state at the moment at all? You say that in one moment you feel good, in another—you doubt it. There’s a reason for this—the desire for a certain confirmation. Because feeling good means not identifying with or comparing yourself to anything and not making this question important—like “do I feel good or not?” The question itself disappears, it doesn’t exist.
This is a difficult topic to grasp, because you have to be in this state to understand. You won’t be in a state of “good” saying, “I feel good”; you won’t want to say it. Better or worse—there is no difference how another person thinks. You don’t need to say this for your personality, for your ego. You don’t need to highlight this, to set priorities, to achieve it. In this state there is no difference. This is a fundamental point to realize.
Many people won’t even want to enter this state, because it’s a state not controlled by the personality. In this state, not what you want happens. This is very important. Something happens with no plan—from pure freedom, in complete chaos.
I’ve just pointed out a certain abstraction for one’s own outside observation. At least just for observation—to lay in yourself a certain knowledge of such a state. It may flash by for 1 or 5 minutes, or for an hour, or never appear at all. It’s possible a person experienced such a state in childhood, or perhaps they never experienced it in their life. People often cite examples from childhood where they experienced it. Usually no one is interested in how a child really feels. Let them really look at the child—what is actually going on inside them.
What is the catch in this question originally? The catch is that in any case there are an enormous number of processes going on in a person, including negative ones. And when a person is in various processes—how to be in those processes in a state of harmony, free observation, perception of all that is happening? A person can be taken out of the state of “good”—for example, have their hand cut off. They will clearly fall into a state of stress—at least their physical body will. I don’t know people (they’re theoretically possible) who, when their hand is cut off, feel calm and harmonious. But this is the highest realization, and this is basically not a human but some spiritual hierarchy, an energy. That simply isn’t a human then: flesh that has completely subjugated the physical body.
Therefore, basically any person can be thrown off a certain stability at the level of psychophysiology. But how to remain in this state? At least when your hand isn’t being cut off, when everything around seems calm. How to live in a state where a huge desire to go to Altai doesn’t arise? Or a huge desire to go, on the contrary, into the city? How to live in a state of harmonious perception? And, most importantly, in hearing what is truly needed. When you, for example, can know that you need to go to Altai, but you can’t do it now and don’t go because of certain circumstances. You relate to it well, calmly. You have no negative judgments because of it—only a calm attitude. And if some construction appears—look at why not live it through?
Look broader—at what is truly the important state.
A huge number of people do this: a person wants to be alone—and gets divorced. They say they need to be alone now. The question: is this a healthy next step for a person? This is of the utmost importance for a person. During the day they make a huge number of decisions. The key action is to learn to truly understand your right next step. “Do I still need to go to Altai or not? Do I need to be with this person or not? What should I do?”—that is of great significance.
On the one hand, the base construction for a state of harmonious perception matters—and this isn’t a question of understanding loneliness as such; on the other hand—knowing your next step. Work on both sides opens in a person the ability to perceive and understand the state of loneliness. In essence, the state of loneliness will endlessly follow a person throughout their life, because the spiritual being of a person entered—and then the person forgot everything: everything they must do, all their actions, all their approaches. And somewhere deep in the soul they have an impulse, an understanding, a knowledge, and a striving to understand that the world is spiritual, not only material, not only what we see with our eyes or somehow perceive, and not merely social.
This will inevitably create in a person a state of unrest, which will pour out in the form of loneliness. The wider a person begins to see, the more they begin to perceive—the more they begin to perceive, the more they will feel a state of loneliness.
Loneliness from what? This is very important. Loneliness from how you interact with other people; an insatiable desire to be simply in a spiritual space, although in fact they are in it. How can a person sense the state of spiritual space in life here and now? If people are told why they actually came, what they are doing, what their path is—they will simply be covered by a total wave of life, loneliness, and unknowing. If you simply tell them—tell their brain and put an academic stamp on it (people do love certified documents) and say it’s proven.
But not bring them closer to the state and sensation of the spiritual world, to the energies of calm, love, truth, knowledge, and hearing God. Because if a person hears the spiritual world, they cannot be lonely. There is no isolating them; such rooms do not exist. They exist in mystical and sci-fi films, where a person is isolated from the spiritual world in some room. In the social world, I have never seen such a room. Because if they are isolated from spiritual perception—a person must die immediately. They won’t be able to connect with their astral body; at that moment the etheric body will begin to detach and physically fall apart. For a while that might be sustained.
— You know what I realized? I said that I’m not afraid of loneliness and so on, because it’s as if I divide—loneliness in my perception is bad. And since I’m not afraid of it, that means I’m fine. That’s the wrong attitude toward loneliness. How then should a person relate to loneliness correctly? For example, someone is reading this now and perhaps feels lonely in some aspects—what can we say to them so they look at their state differently?
— Let’s go back to the beginning. A person says: “Thank you very much for what you said, only please tell me how?” I say that is exactly what I was talking about.
Let’s go back once more to the description I gave:
- Look and see whether loneliness is a bad state.
- Understand that your “good” state has nothing to do with loneliness.
- Direct your attention to understanding what the next step is.
- Direct your attention to actions so that you feel truly good.
Because simply fighting loneliness—what are you about? Why fight it? I always say: you need to expand your perception.
I have one acquaintance to whom I’ve said for many years that they need to expand their perception. They recently went on a retreat and told me: “I finally understood what it means to expand your perception.” I think: “You didn’t understand what it is. Maybe you understood some piece.” — “Now I can say I understood.” I think in three years they’ll come back and say they understood it again.
You need to feel more, see more, perceive more. If a person is in a state of expanded perception, the very fact of observing loneliness will become real, not illusory. The most important thing in loneliness is to stop being in the illusion of understanding the reasons for loneliness. A person says they feel lonely because—“there is no husband,” “there are no children,” “the children left,” “the parents died,” “there are no friends,” “I work 14 hours a day,” and so on. A person finds an unreal explanation.
- Start getting to the real causes of loneliness. On the one hand, we say that we must work on expanding perception, on the state in which you feel calm and good, in which you can determine your next step; on the other hand—go through the reasons for observing loneliness. “Let me understand right now!”—you won’t. That’s not how it works.
We are now talking about shaping consciousness so that for the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 100 years you perceive yourself in a healthy state. To move toward perceiving more widely, toward feeling good. At the very least, to feel increasingly calm, to have more and more time in a “good” state. It’s very important—to have the ability to recover quickly after any events, because different things will happen in your life; in many lives, bad things will happen.
You need to be able to recover quickly, because there is stress that a person experiences immediately, and how do you recover after that? Will you form another psychological trauma and carry it around for the next 40 years? Or will you process it very quickly and move on? Whatever happens—no matter what events: a snake frightened you, your hand was cut off, you were fired, you were hired—you need to recover quickly. This is, in general, an essential and important quality.
But a person doesn’t want to recover quickly—they want bad events not to happen, only good ones.
I rarely meet people who ask and work on quick recovery. We see this in the professional world: athletes recover quickly; animals recover quickly. We see examples in business where they describe how a person recovered quickly, understood the situation, adapted in the world, and made money. It’s a healthy quality—to recover quickly. But usually a person doesn’t come with a request for quick recovery.
“How can I recover quickly?”—and not “how can I feel good?” The difference is fundamental. The difference isn’t in having a good life, but in being oriented toward quick recovery.
When I talk about broad perception, why don’t people latch onto it? Because I’m not saying it’s going to be great. I say—perceive broadly. That’s not “great.” “It’s important to know your next step.”—“Can I not know my next step and just have it be ‘good’?”
What does a person want? A person wants to be a robot—and that’s what they are. Most modern people are enslaved robots. Not because of work, not because of family—because of themselves, of their personality, the ego-computer, and so on. A robot-human: with causes, without awareness, given the structure of the person, the world, the details, and everything else. And a person wants to remain one—just in good circumstances.
The film The Matrix offers a very good example. The moment when one of the traitors says: “Can you put me back and give me everything I want, erase my memory so I don’t remember what real life is like, and I’ll calmly continue to live in the Matrix?” That is, a person chooses the path back—to be a slave. This is an instructive example of what people actually want—good events, fine food, interesting people, beauty (some want more beauty, some less, depending on their taste), development, feelings, sensations, realization. But not simply: “Let me perceive more, work harder, know my right next step, recover quickly regardless of events.”
If you start looking for such people—you’ll first find they’re not easy to find. Second, the modern world, at least most of the famous people others watch—they are not about that. So you can very quickly determine whom you follow. Everyone wants to follow someone.
I had a partner, a very wealthy man. And there were some acquaintances, fairly wealthy guys, who kept asking: “Does your partner also engage in spiritual practices?” I asked: “What difference does it make?” People want to receive spiritual practices, guidance on how to act—from people who transmit something entirely different.
Choose whom you want to listen to and learn from. Make sure to look at what a person truly transmits, what lies at the root. And know the outcome if you choose someone who transmits achievements, that life is impossible without big realizations in money. And the end is very simple: if you have studied and understood that a person’s state isn’t connected, for example, with money, or that the feeling of loneliness isn’t connected with money—how will you work with that then? A person tells themselves: “I’ll earn money and then sort it out.” That doesn’t work like that. Who told you that you will earn the money, or spend it the right way, and get anything from it for your state?
— Where to start to learn to restore your state?
— The first aspect: learn to remain in a state of hearing and feeling—in a state of broad perception.
If you’ve become afraid because of a problem at work, are you capable of growing another space simply by looking at a tree—because of its beauty, or because of the beauty of the sky? Or, seeing your child or someone else’s, can you create a state that will be all-encompassing compared to the fear?
The main idea is to learn to de-identify directly with the process that leads to a heavy state. And for that you need to understand the cause, or be able to perceive that state from the outside. To be able, at least for a minute, to stop and perceive the state.
People find this hard to do. You give them a task: during the day, every time you see a person, feel a surge of love. The person comes home in the evening and thinks: “Okay, I saw it five times, and eighty-nine times I didn’t.” Why is that? This is a quality you need to work on immensely.
The very factor of expanding perception gives the construction of a healthy definition. On the other hand, you could say it’s simply knowing some techniques. But again, knowledge of techniques doesn’t solve the issue in any way, because the situation can always be worse, and no technique will help if you are not in strong perception.
I can tell you that in my close circle there are people who know they can always turn to me. Simply by talking with me, they automatically recover strongly. Even just looking at my photo, they recover. And a person says: “I know this, I fully understand it.” But when some circumstance occurs, the memory of it doesn’t arise in me—I may remember it 10 days later. That is, the perception of it doesn’t arise.
Therefore, knowledge of a technique or the presence of a text won’t remove the situation where you won’t be able to see another person—because you must constantly work on this. It’s a huge labor.
On my channel I’ve recorded more than a hundred videos—there is a lot of different information. It’s unremitting labor, it’s not a one-time action. Every Friday I lead meditations—there have been 19 meditations. It’s a big labor for people—to live through 19 meditations, to allocate time for it. You can’t watch 19 meditations in a day (in theory, you can). And that, probably, would be helpful. If you plug into a certain state, then why not, you’ll benefit from it. But still some things require time to live through—just like certain wounds require time to heal.
For example, a person’s physical body renews itself in 7 years. There are aspects within energy and spiritual processes that affect the physical body and give it certain impulses. For them to start functioning in the system, it will take 3–7 years. At least in 7 years the whole system will renew; if the system hasn’t renewed—what do you expect? In 7 years everything will come out along with the skin, with the hair. The whole system, the cells will renew completely.
There is energy that requires time. A person simply doesn’t understand cause and effect. They went to a meditation—four years later certain changes began to occur, and they have no linkage. Why would they? Modern people want a one-time result or want to remain in repetitive actions—it’s not a matter of study, but of some restraint. Often it’s restraint, not development. Although it’s not a bad restraint either.
Here the question is what a person truly wants. Do they want the chaos of freedom? Or do they want a joyful, pleasant, robotic life? What do they want?
As I said, in The Matrix the example with that secondary character is a very clear indicator of your choice, what you actually want. How many people dive into lucid dreaming, where one can do an enormous number of real actions and feel—how many people would want to be a superhero and dive into the Matrix, put on a helmet, and fall into another reality? A great many people will choose to fully immerse themselves in another reality rather than be in truth. Not for nothing in The Matrix the truth is shown negatively: people are dressed in rags, there’s nothing to eat, no clean water, they can’t wash, and so on. It’s a counter-balance. It’s simply shown as in life: what people pay attention to, what they truly choose, what truly interests them. A person is a slave to their own system, in which they do not want freedom. At least admit that calmly, like the character in the movie, and continue to live peacefully. Know that you are a slave because you do not want freedom. You want nice events.
But if you truly want freedom, truly want to expand your perception, want to sacrifice yourself for the truth of the world, are ready to do it for other people, want to hear the spiritual world for real, to breathe—there are many possibilities and actions for this that I talk about on my channel and in other groups: on Telegram, Instagram, in closed groups, in V100, and in many other places.