What should you do if a relationship has reached a dead end?

Recently, I was asked the following question:

«What should one do if their relationship with a partner has reached a dead end? I have a friend with whom, on one hand, I work together, and on the other hand, we are friends: we have mutual friends and acquaintances, we spend our leisure time together, we live in the same building. But he believes that we have purely professional, work-related interactions and that nothing more is needed. What should I do about such a relationship?»

All of us have people in our lives who provoke very heavy emotional states.

I remember I once had a driver who would take me around each morning and throughout the day for my appointments. And every time I got into the car, I wouldn’t think about how wonderful the day was, or about the meetings, projects, or work I had ahead. Each morning, when I got into the car, I’d think about this driver and about how I just couldn’t connect with him. And essentially, by doing this, I was bringing destruction into this person’s life.

People are constantly afraid of losing relationships with certain individuals. In everyone’s life, there are people who make things feel difficult, where you sense that something isn’t right. And something must be done about these relationships. In answering this question, I will, at the end, provide a solution that is the most short-term path to resolving relationship issues with any person.

«You’ve asked a very interesting question. I’ve told you many times that, in the process of developing yourself, your family, your inner state, and your scale of being, I recommend you live separately with your family, without external individuals.

Why is this important in your case?

Because it’s hard for you to find balance within yourself, to understand yourself, to find your inner core, to grasp what you truly want. You’re constantly being torn from one extreme to another— from minus a hundred to plus a hundred. You’re worried about a huge number of issues; you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, and suffering. You are always in a state of endlessly searching for yourself and something new in the flow of this life.

At the same time, you have a wife with whom you need to build a relationship. And when there is someone else around, this becomes practically impossible. It’s very difficult.

You are absolutely right in saying that living together with another person is not just a matter of professional activity.

There are situations where, for example, a husband and wife live together, thinking that they are connected only by a shared home or apartment. They spend 40–50 years of their lives this way, and then they die, never having learned how to truly interact widely and openly with each other. They remain in the cocoon of limited communication.

If you are alongside another person, you must strive to broaden your interaction in every possible way, rather than just existing side by side and merely dying together.

The death of a relationship is not frightening; it is inevitable, just like the death of life itself. What’s frightening is when two people degrade relative to each other.

But it’s important to understand that you can only develop a relationship when both people want it. You cannot be the one endlessly trying to find and create balance.

If the other person says they’re only interested in professional relations, they don’t understand how important the time they spend with you is to them right now. They don’t realize how it will affect their life in the coming decade. They don’t understand how it influences the turning point of their own life.

But this person’s life is predetermined — it will be without you. And those memories of your acquaintance, your walks, your leisure time, joys, sorrows, and the shared judgment of others, etc.—that’s a tail one would like to lean on. But you can’t lean on those memories—they are gone; they are the past.

You can only lean on the person’s current state, on what they are truly conveying. Some people tell you that your views differ, your approaches differ. Other people say that your interests are different: you’re interested in development, you want to find yourself.

— And you say: «Yes, I want to find myself, because I feel bad, I’m in this endless search.»

— And he says: «I don’t want to do that.»

Because his development, on one hand, continues, and on the other hand, from the perspective of developing as a spiritual being—it has stopped.

You must realize once again that interaction between people is only possible when both individuals want to move toward it. When the other person says that they do not want to analyze the relationship, it means that you are not interesting to that person, or they do not want your relationship to develop; they do not want to look at the truth for themselves. They don’t need it at all, because only they themselves matter to them.

And no matter what you do with that person, no matter how you try to make them think differently, change their opinion, start acting differently, during that time you lose all opportunities to show love, compassion, kindness to that person. You have no strength left.

You switch to the side of aggressive ego and begin telling the person: «Listen, show some respect», but that person doesn’t want to show respect, they don’t need it. They look at you and don’t understand what you’re talking about. They say: «I don’t want to act differently, I want to act the way I want.»

Right now, you do not have the strength to change another person’s consciousness. It’s important to remember this.

One could continue and add more details, but in reality, you’ve already received the answer. You received it exactly when you were told to take a simple action — move away from this person and relocate with your family to a different place. No other actions are necessary.

The fundamental question is: why don’t you do it? Why don’t other people do it?

At this moment, it’s important to look and calmly admit to yourself that you cannot do it because you don’t have the strength, you don’t have the strength to comprehend what is happening. To comprehend that this action is true, and it was clear right from the start. You don’t even need coaching, training, or psychotherapy.

You’re just afraid. Afraid of being left without this person, even if their presence no longer matters. You have been accustomed, since childhood, to fear, to rely on something old that inevitably disappears.

But this fear does not depend on the other person. You think it’s connected to them, but it’s not.

At every meeting, I repeat: you need to be alone so that this person gains freedom in terms of their actions, so that they move into a real life, and so that you follow your own path toward life.

To let go ≠ to destroy a relationship. It is a translation of the relationship into a simpler, calmer dimension. You don’t need to break up, you don’t need to end anything, you just need to continue moving forward: start living apart, give each other your own space, give each other your own freedom.

This action will automatically unfold thousands of different events of an entirely different type in life, events that will help you move along your own path, strengthen your life, expand it, lead to a completely different state, and provide the opportunity for large-scale development instead of degradation.

In business, I’ve encountered many people who want to fire someone for years. They endlessly say: “I would fire him, I would fire him, I would fire him.” But they don’t do it.

There is one very powerful solution — the best thing you can do in this situation for the person is just to fire them quickly. Release this person into another life—you’re the one holding them back.

In everyone’s life, there are such people, and interacting with these people takes a huge chunk out of your life.

I’m not saying these people are bad—this is the whole point. The question is why you experience this state.

There are some people you cannot reject — children and parents. There are people with whom relationships must be ended, and there are people with whom relationships must be reconsidered. A person fears the death of relationships; they’re afraid these relationships will end. But note that any relationship will inevitably end anyway.»

Understanding that all relationships are finite, directing your energy there, and observing this energy — this incredibly powerfully develops relationships. It is precisely this that makes it possible, in any relationship, to make the right decision, the true decision that is required right now.