When we talk about how to manage stress, it’s important to understand that the first and most crucial step is to identify the cause. Because until the source of the stress becomes clear, it is absolutely impossible to get rid of it. Stress is always present in each of us. But how do we uncover the reason? How do we figure out what exactly throws us off balance?
To understand the cause of stress, it’s essential to start by asking yourself: why is the stress arising — not just how to resolve it. And it’s not about theoretical reflection, but about truly posing that question to yourself.
Causes of stress can vary drastically. For example, stress might arise from the body’s physical state. If, say, one of your legs is shorter than the other by a few centimeters, and you're constantly limping, your body will hurt — that constant physical fatigue easily provokes stress. This is a deep topic that touches not just on symptoms but on root causes.
Of course, there are simpler, more obvious causes of stress that also need to be understood and acknowledged.
When a child gets a fever, a person often falls into a state of stress. They start asking themselves questions. The stress comes from a husband shouting and panicking, and the person is unable to gather themselves to make the right decision. Stress arises from internal uncertainty — the person doubts themselves every day, feels like nothing is working out, and fears letting the child down by making the wrong choice. Sometimes, the stress is purely circumstantial: money ran out, there’s no insurance, and no way to reach the doctor. In each situation, the causes of stress can be fundamentally different.
Some causes of stress stem from childhood experiences. A person might feel stressed around men because they were treated harshly as a child. Stress might arise when someone starts drinking, because their parents had alcohol problems. Or it might surface at work when a boss yells — a trigger that may come from similar experiences at home or at school.
There are also deeper, karmic reasons that go beyond conscious understanding. Stress can even come from the surrounding space. For example, if you're in an area with poor air quality, your physical state worsens, which leads to stress. And it may seem like the stress is from an argument with your wife, but in fact, your body is reacting to lack of fresh air, heightening your sensitivity to yelling or other irritants and pushing you into a stress state.
If you observe carefully, you can notice an interesting pattern. I have four children, and I can identify this clearly: sometimes I can spend ten hours straight in the car with them without feeling irritated once, even though they are constantly making noise, talking, and behaving however they like. At other times, just twenty minutes with them is enough for one of them to start irritating me. I become stressed and start behaving inappropriately, for example by yelling. Why do the same children, in similar circumstances, bring out such different reactions in me? This calls for observation and a search for the fundamental cause of these changes in state.
So what’s the real fundamental cause of stress? One of the key solutions to uncovering it is to accept that the true reason may remain unclear. Often, we want a quick answer: “This is the cause — now I’ll be happy!” and we treat it as the final truth. But any presumed cause should be held in observation, not taken as absolute. One must admit, “This is most likely the cause… but maybe it’s something else.” Under stress, we’re prone to latch onto the most convenient explanation, not the real one.
And when exactly should we look for the cause of stress — during the stress itself, or in a calm state? Deep work with stress means constantly looking for the cause in every moment. When stress arises, you need to recognize the cause immediately. The deepest level of work is when you can sense the stress coming — in 5 to 10 minutes — and prepare for it consciously.
It’s not just about intending to understand the cause of stress — it’s also about recognizing when you’re on the brink of entering a stressful state. This skill is crucial for emotional regulation and conflict prevention.
Another key part of working with stress, beyond identifying the cause, is acknowledging your intention. What lies beneath your desire to cope with it? Usually, it’s the longing to ease your own discomfort. You want to feel better, to have the tension disappear and your sense of peace return. This desire to fix stress is almost always focused solely on yourself.
Even in situations that seem to be about others — like a child’s illness or the loss of a loved one — stress is, at its core, about you. You’re afraid of losing what you’re used to, of your personal world changing. Nine out of ten mothers are worried less about the child than about themselves: how to handle the situation, what to do, and how they’ll cope.
The same happens in relationships: the husband worries not for the wife, but for himself. In business: not for the employees, but for his own stability. In fears about the country, politics, or the economy, there is always a projection onto yourself. A person says, “I’m worried about others,” but deeper down, everything revolves around their own well-being.
Recognizing this dynamic is a major step. And when you want to deal with stress, start with the honest acknowledgment that this is primarily about you. That’s the place where work on the cause can begin. Not to accuse yourself of selfishness, but to clearly and soberly see where you are. That’s the foundation for a deep, genuinely effective inner dialogue.
When you start digging into the roots of your stress, it’s not enough to see the cause early — you must also ask yourself honestly: Why do I want to overcome this? Try allowing the idea that your goal is not just personal relief. Maybe you want to resolve the stress for the sake of others, for the world around you — so that your stress doesn’t hurt those nearby. Because most of the time, your stress pollutes the space around you. It affects your loved ones, your coworkers, everyone close to you. Your internal tension can poison the atmosphere, trigger conflict, amplify other people’s pain. Real stress work is not just about you. It’s about responsibility to others — the desire not to broadcast your destructive state into the world. That’s where deep, sincere transformation can begin.
Looking at how you react to stress — especially in day-to-day moments — makes it clear how essential it is to identify the cause. That car ride with the kids? Sometimes noise and yelling are tolerable, sometimes not. With four kids, there’s always a threshold, and it can be crossed. But the adult’s reaction must always be grounded in inner work.
The fundamental reason is to work through stress in a way that doesn’t leave lasting trauma on the children. The real task is to become a true human being — one who can respond with equal dignity and calm to any child, to any expression of the world around them.
This doesn’t mean abandoning common sense or self-preservation. If someone attacks you with a knife, no one is saying you should refrain from defending yourself to keep the attacker calm. But in everyday life, especially with close relationships, focused intention is what matters most.
That focused intention — to be authentic, to act consciously, to avoid harming others with your state — is the golden key to stress management.
You can sit with your back straight, meditate in lotus position, go to retreats, cultivate an inner warrior state… But if you still treat people poorly, you are not evolving. You’re regressing, drifting into darkness, losing power, and ceasing to grow. You may believe you're a radiant being, an embodiment of Buddha, Jesus Christ, or Zoroaster — but it’s just an illusion.
This is the foundation. The root. The path to understanding any stress. The causes may seem external: childhood trauma, relationships with parents, family difficulties, a bad political situation, the wrong president, economic instability, the wrong partner. All of that may feel significant. But the real root is your attitude — toward life and toward people.
The ultimate question: do you live with a desire to help others, or only to serve your own benefit? Are you ready to honestly let this question live beside you?
This practice works. It is guaranteed to help anyone reduce the amount of stress in their life. Guaranteed. These are not just words — this is a real, absolute law of the Universe for human beings.
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