Tell the truth "as is" or remain silent? The main illusion in relationships

There is a topic about which people often ask questions – relationships: personal, within the family, between colleagues, friends.

What is more important: to tell the truth to another person exactly as it is, or to restrain the volume of that truth? That is, to speak the truth as you see it, even if it destroys the connection, or to preserve harmony, sometimes softening or not expressing your truth completely? Where is the boundary between humanity and destruction?

An example is given next. If a person does not like something in another person’s behavior: he speaks rudely to a relative, acts without conscience toward other people – should one talk about it or not? And the question arises: how to understand what is more important – that he realizes he is wrong, or that closeness between us is preserved? How can I understand that I am speaking the truth and not trying to remake a person according to myself?

The last question in this whole construction is very important. It turns out that a person has a perception: “I do not tell you the truth because I am trying to preserve our relationship,” or “I say things as they are because it is important for me to speak the truth, but I understand that this may destroy the relationship.” I have seen this many times when people say: “It is better not to communicate this information; it will destroy your relationship.”

There is an interesting pattern in this question. In the present time people often launch a reasoning inside themselves – it is not simply reflection, it is a set attitude that sounds clearly: “I know and understand the truth, but I will not tell it to another person so as not to create problems.”

Because of the nature of my reasoning and explanations, I have often encountered such people, especially within families. When you explain something to others, they say: “It is impossible to prove anything to you; you will always be right.” This topic is directly connected with what we are considering. It is important to immerse ourselves in the essence – not in the mental part of the reasoning, but in the essence itself – so that in different situations one can consciously perceive what is happening.

Although it may seem that this will lead to destruction. Why does the feeling arise that it will lead to destruction? A person lives in the illusion that they understand two things:

1. They understand how another person perceives the situation.
2. They understand the course of events and how these events will develop further.

There are people who live exclusively within the material world and claim that everything is subject to the laws of physics, everything is described, everything is justified, and only the physical body exists. If this is so, then you can absolutely control the entire process of life events that occur. If, however, you believe that you cannot control any process of life because everything happens randomly, then such an attitude becomes unreliable. In that case it turns out that if events are absolutely random just as they are predetermined, then regardless of whether you tell the truth or not, both good and bad may happen.

These two points should always be paid attention to when reflecting on the question:

• You are in an illusion regarding how another person will perceive what you tell them from the standpoint of truth. Now we will approach what truth is.

• You are in an illusion regarding how events will unfold further. Does what you say have any significance at all?

If two people are not destined to be together, does it matter what exactly you say? Does it influence anything? There are things that do not influence anything. If a person is supposed to get into a car accident on a specific day, what difference does it make whether he spoke to someone before leaving or not, if the accident will happen anyway? We are speaking about an event that must occur in any case.

It is impossible to understand all these reflections mentally and materially. That is precisely why they cannot be calculated. Neither formulas, nor physics, nor mathematics are capable of determining and describing everything that happens – the emergence of emotions, states, reactions. Why is it that sometimes you tell a person the truth, even serious and harsh things, and he rejoices and thanks you? And at another moment you tell the truth – and the person becomes angry, shouts, swears? Even though outwardly the same thing is happening. Why does this occur?

You are reading this article. Why is it that sometimes you want to read something else, and sometimes you want to switch to something different? What is the reason? This is a question of understanding the energies that are taking place. We are within two illusions. When you mix these illusions, there arises a certainty that you know how a person will react at this moment in time. But this is always an illusion.

Imagine that you decided to go on a trip, chose a country, came home, and propose it to your husband or wife. How will they react: will they become angry or will they be happy? Can the same person at different times react differently to the same proposal? Of course. Everything depends on the state they are in at that moment. Perhaps they are in a state of total tension, their leg hurts, and they are focused only on their physical body. Your trip does not interest them. They will say: “What trip? I do not care about that; right now another issue is important for me.” That is why many people do not want to discuss different topics simultaneously – they have different levels of relevance.

If a person is completely immersed in work, they say: “Right now work is important for me; I will not solve other issues.” For them this is the priority. For you something else may be important. You might say: “Right now this is important for you, but in a few days another question will become important; let us deal with it.” But the person is not able to switch – they do not have internal flexibility to move between states.

Therefore, when conveying information to another person – truth or untruth – you must understand that in most cases you perceive the situation illusorily if you do not know how to truly feel the state of that person. Or understand the energy of the words you are pronouncing.

There is an energy of words. There are people who always react negatively to new proposals. A person comes and proposes something – and unexpectedly the reaction is positive. Everyone is surprised: “How did this happen? You always reacted negatively; why is it different now?” Because there is an energy of words. At that moment the person heard something different; a certain space opened within them; they were able to perceive more broadly and accept the proposal in a balanced way, completely differently.

The opposite could also happen: the space narrowed, perception became tighter, and as a consequence the wrong decision was made – a negative one, not corresponding to their real need.

In this situation it is important to learn to study people, to observe them, and to understand that even in the question of mutual understanding between two people there exists a huge number of energies, states, and moments. When you begin to understand and feel what is happening well, choosing the right moment to convey something, there may arise a feeling of manipulation. Why? Because the question appears: “Am I correct in understanding that I act at a certain moment, already knowing in advance how a person will react?”

I give people many strategic recommendations on serious issues: in business, finances, family, in making difficult decisions, in interaction with other people. And often decisions connected with interaction are based precisely on this understanding. They are built on the fact that you truly realize how a particular person will behave; you realize it deeply, not from illusion but from real understanding. You know their actions in advance.

Often people do not hear this. You tell them how another person will behave – they do not want to believe it, because of which they make a mistake. Just as they do not hear external advice, they also make mistakes in their own decisions. This is the first zone that must be observed in this question.

The second large zone: how much you understand the situation from the standpoint of truth.

Let me give an example. In my group – in V100 or “Life” – I was asked a question: “We have an employee who is dying of cancer; how can we help him? Can anything be done?” The request was direct: can you help in any way?

When such a question appears, the first thing I ask is: “Who told you that your understanding of help truly is help, and not a violation of his life process? Are you sure you are truly helping and not acting manipulatively?”

This is a serious question. When a person is ill with a severe disease and his life gradually fades, another understanding arises. Is there not a natural movement of life here? Severe illnesses do not arise randomly. They have causes, including karmic ones connected with actions of the person that are unknown to you. And you want to change and violate what is predetermined in the space.

This situation is a clear reflection of not understanding the truth. Even if the question is controversial, honestly tell yourself that you do not know the answer. When you can simultaneously both help and harm, the probability is unknown to you; in this case it is equal. And you must understand that the risk of error is great. Moreover, when you ask for advice in a topic you do not understand and try to act, you impose another error on top of the previous one. The degree of uncertainty increases.

– What is truth?

– What is the real understanding of truth?

– How can one understand whether at a particular moment it was necessary to be angry or not?

– To shout or to remain silent?

– To quit a job or stay?

– To open a business or close it?

– To give up or gather strength and fight?

What is the truth at a particular moment?

I have a business related to real estate. Recently at a meeting we discussed the advantages and disadvantages of mortgages. One can list many arguments “for” and “against.” But there are things that cannot be calculated on a calculator.

People took a mortgage on a house. Because of this they did not divorce and, faced with a large shared task, they were able to normalize their relationship. Although at first glance this decision seemed unprofitable for them. Or the opposite: people bought an apartment and because of this they suffered for many years. If the apartment had not existed, they would have separated earlier. And then the question arises: did they suffer because they bought the apartment, or did they buy the apartment in order to go through this experience?

Those who have read and watched me for a long time know that I constantly show different cause-and-effect relationships. What actually happened? What was supposed to happen? That is what matters.

In order to разобраться in this triangle, it is necessary:

1. To set before yourself the task of searching for truth as a whole. Not for personal benefit, not so that everything will be good for you, not for solving your own issues, but in order to understand truth, find it, perceive it and hear it.
2. To understand that at every moment you need to make decisions. Such decisions are made daily in dozens – in movement forward, in living through various situations – and sometimes in hundreds. A large number of decisions you make day after day.

A person lives simultaneously in a combination of predetermined events and in the presence of freedom, which inevitably can lead consciousness to chaos, because freedom is not knowledge of future events. Freedom is the unfolding of new chains of events. If predetermined events exist and at the same time people constantly generate freedom, a question arises: what happens with the compensation of these predetermined events?

There are compensations, predetermined events, events of freedom, the influence of other people and spaces on the course of your life. This means that today something may be truth and tomorrow turn out to be falsehood. Today a person may react aggressively, and tomorrow with love. Today he may not understand you, and tomorrow he will understand without words and explanations.

This is the answer to the question. If you solve the task for the sake of knowing the truth, you will find the solution. Then the question itself will change.