3 Steps to Calm: How to Cope with Stress

Main subjects

StressAnxiety, stress, and inner calmF/Friend / friendsChildren, parenting, and family lifeCouples and healthy relationshipsTime

Main threads of the conversation

• 0:00What this episode is about
• 0:27Two main types of stress: “here and now” and ongoing
• 04:05The main mistake when working with stress
• 04:41A technique for dealing with stress “here and now”
• 05:57How to choose the right method for working with stress
• 09:22What happens when you choose the wrong method for working with stress
• 10:58The main principle for working with stress
• 12:07Quick solutions for stress “here and now”
• 14:20The main rule for getting rid of stress
• 16:20A local solution versus an overall approach: temporarily easing tension or removing the cause
• 17:393 steps to get rid of stress for good: an overall approach
• 17:53Neutralizing stress comprehensively: moving beyond local relief
• 20:00Identifying stress
• 20:43“Everyone experiences stress differently”
• 21:49“Stop comparing your stress with other people's”

Claims made here

Individual claims identified in the material: who said them, when, and what kind of thought they express. Each timestamp opens that point in the video.

• 03:22

  And then there's this other area: how to shape your days and your life so that even if a state of stress does arise somewhere, you always remain able to observe it.

  Alexander Volchekdefinitionprinciple

• 07:02

  Then there are situations where people want to work through stress because they understand that under stress a person becomes aggressive, very often starts behaving inappropriately, and can hurt other people.

  Alexander Volchekcauseprinciple

• 07:27

  For me, for example, one of the fundamental considerations, one of the reasons I want to deal with stress when it arises, is that I don't want to hurt people while I'm stressed. That's very important to me.

  Alexander Volchekcomparison

• 07:54

  I don't cry, by the way, but suppose that were my situation. I see so many people trying to deal with their tears under stress when, really, they'd be better off crying. By focusing on their tears, they stop addressing their main task, which is…

  Alexander Volchekcauserecommendationdefinition

• 14:17

  The starting point—the most important rule—is that you need to know not how to get out of stress, but why you got into it.

  Alexander Volchekrecommendationdefinitioncomparison

• 15:27

  But that doesn't mean you should start acting aggressively in every situation in life, because that will make your life worse.

  Alexander Volchekcauserecommendationdefinition

• 16:42

  For example, we may know that to sleep better at night we need to sleep alone.

  Alexander Volchekcausecomparison

• 17:20

  I would then approach it this way: locally, I could reach an agreement with her. I could say, “Could we handle this situation this way for the next three months? I want to neutralize this trigger.”

  Alexander Volchekcause

• 17:34

  That's why you always need to look at it through these three areas: relieving short-term stress, relieving ongoing stress, and, more broadly, neutralizing the emergence of stress in your life.

  Alexander Volchekcauserecommendationdefinition

• 20:02

  So one of the fundamental tasks you need to work on separately is to start identifying the kinds of stress present in you. What is this stress?

  Alexander Volchekcauserecommendationdefinition