Partnership as a Path to Personal Growth and Expansion: From Family to Business

AVAlexander Volchek

For the first time, over the past year and a half, I've begun to feel that the concept of seasons has disappeared for me. The concept of vacations has disappeared. The concept of birthdays has disappeared. They simply aren't there at all. They've disappeared. It isn't even a question of their significance. They've disappeared from my rhythms. That rhythm isn't there. This is genuine growth and expansion as a person, where we would help each other develop. It doesn't matter who's in charge. Perhaps they would work for me, or perhaps I would work for them. What matters is whether we would have the strength to do it. People lose relationships with their parents, their children, within their families because of this. Did I marry my wife so I could constantly prove everything to her, or so we could simply spend happy time together? And I have no goal in my partnership with my wife. It's part of my life. I don't have a goal of living happily with my wife. This partnership, this office, and these employees will disappear as soon as I sell the business. What leads a person to an incredible scale, to a truly cosmic scale.

DMDmitry Mugenov

We've touched on a very subtle subject. For me it's deeply personal, tremendously important—it tears me to pieces. It's what we began discussing about growing closer to people: partnership. For some reason we called it partnership, but it's about growing closer to another person, right? To one person, at least one to begin with. We very often create a partnership for some goal, and once we've created it, we say, “This is the goal you and I are setting.” Then the next task seems to arise: how do we make sure the partnership itself takes shape and lasts? That the partnership itself takes shape and lasts. So how do you see it? What's more important: achieving the goal I set for myself in the partnership, or developing the partnership that was created for that goal—or perhaps was created in some other way entirely?

AVAlexander Volchek

I always say there is no rigid definition, when you want to create a partnership, of what matters: the goal of the partnership itself, achieving that goal, or a process that unfolds within it, understanding the actions needed to get a result, or simply experiencing good, healthy, wonderful relationships within that partnership. What matters most from the very beginning is to define very clearly, consciously, and with focus what this partnership is based on. What is the goal of this partnership? Not the business goal, if we're talking about a business partnership. Not, say, the goal of holding some nonbusiness event, some occasion involving a partnership. What brought the partnership itself into being? Define its goal. It's important to recognize that there are partnerships in which you don't need to define a goal, because the partnership may be life itself. And when it is life itself, within that partnership you need to understand the principles or values on which it is formed. Let me give an example. If I launch a business and start it together with a partner—I have businesses with partners—I might say to myself that in a particular business I need a partner because they will help the company achieve the best possible results.

In other words, I need a partnership so that the company can earn ten million dollars, for example. Then there's my partnership with my wife, and I have no goal in that partnership. There is no goal, because my partnership with my wife is based on—well, it's part of my life. It's an absolutely fundamental structure based on certain values. The partnership we have is a natural part of my life. There is no goal there. I don't have a goal of living happily with my wife. I don't have a goal of not getting divorced. I don't have a goal of having four children. I don't have a goal of building up capital. I don't have a goal of doing something else with my wife, or gaining some experience. My wife and I have no goal together. For some people, perhaps, when they form a family and get married, there will be a specific goal. Many people marry because there is a social goal, or to have children, or to form a family. I'll leave it at that: to form a family. I have no goal here. So, to answer your question—to continue answering it from the business perspective—I have an education business.

In this education business, the partnership as the goal of the business takes precedence for me over making money in it. Although I'm now gradually beginning to define two directions for myself. It's just very difficult to hold both. On the one hand, I want to preserve the broad goal of developing this partnership with this person. Developing our relationship within it. And having—or rather, having a business within this partnership with this person. On the other hand, I still want to establish a very precise point of reference in the business: we're creating a business that should be worth a certain amount, or one that should generate a certain profit. Why am I explaining all this? Because without understanding this foundation—why you're entering this partnership, why it's being created—without exploring that part, it's very difficult to determine what matters more. Is each day more important, or a particular set of actions to achieve the final result? In some businesses, the partnership is simply a component of the business. It's like an office you have, or employees you've hired. It's simply a component of the business, and this partnership, this office, and these employees will disappear as soon as I sell the business. You shouldn't deceive yourself about that.

But if this partnership is an important part of my life, a foundation, or lies within the scope of the goal... You and I personally tried—well, not tried; we actually started several projects together. But in general, I've always been completely open to starting something together. I was open to starting something together, and perhaps someday we will. We've been friends for eleven years; perhaps we'll start something else sometime. Not because there was a business and a partnership formed around it, but because we have a partnership in life that simply isn't a business partnership. Why not bring business into it? Just as we might bring travel into it, which we've done a great deal of. Why not bring shared development into it, which we've done a great deal of? Why not bring connections between our families into it, which we've had a great deal of? Why not bring connections with our children into it? There's been a great deal of that. Why not be in a student–teacher, teacher–student relationship with each other, which we've also done a great deal of? Why not bring in various other people as well?

When you live a partnership that way, of course what matters is contact with that person, developing your relationship with them, hearing the other person, getting to know them. Because the partnership itself carries meaning. Many people ask, “With my partner, if they're my business partner, can I—or should I—start spending time with them and their family, or take trips with them?” Some say, “Absolutely not. Business is business.” Some say, “You can have a business with your wife or husband.” Others say, “You can't.” Honestly, I think that if I could run a business with my wife—if we could do it and it happened—it would be a real development of our relationship, development rather than a point of deterioration. We simply can't do it. Our systems, our spiritual beings, we as people simply aren't capable of interacting with each other in that layer. Incidentally, that doesn't mean we can't interact with other people. Do I interact with other people? I do. Does my wife interact with other people? She does. But we can't interact with each other in that area. You have to be very sensitive to that. What's more...

What's more, perhaps the time will come when we might be able to do it. That would be wonderful. I'd love to have the wisdom to do something together with my children. And if my children were wise enough for us to create something together professionally, where we helped each other develop or helped each other and could work together. It doesn't matter who's in charge. Perhaps they would work for me, or perhaps I would work for them. What matters is whether we would have the strength to do it. Would we have the strength, would we have the wisdom to do it? That would be so wonderful. With people you're already interacting with, already in contact with, already getting to know, you could go even deeper into each other, get to know each other even more, get to know each other more deeply, do even more together, and not close yourself off from that.

How many times in my life have I blocked the resolution of a conflict within a partnership—blocked it out of my own pride and ego, rather than acting from the common sense of developing together? So there's a very subtle point in this question, a very subtle point. It's very subtle. Everything depends on what kind of partnership it is. Every person lives through an enormous number of different partnerships in life, simply an enormous number. Don't view partnership only as holding shares in a business. There are an enormous number of different partnerships. We need a slightly broader understanding of the goal, the values, the principles, the strategy, the foundation of that partnership. Understanding that lets you make the right decisions about how to act, continually measure your actions against it, continually remember it. Did I marry my wife so I could constantly prove everything to her, or so we could simply spend happy time together? Do I spend happy time with her when I'm proving things to her, or do I spend happy time with her simply when I'm spending time with her? What gives rise to happiness? Remember that. Then a great many things fall away, a great many things change. Because of this, people lose relationships with their parents, their children, within their families, with their friends and acquaintances.

Sometimes that's natural, and sometimes it's unnatural, simply unnatural. Some prejudices, some old memories that haven't been needed for a long time. That time has long since been lived through and passed.

I was driving today and remembering something interesting. Just recently, I was talking about how a person lives through so many different aspects of life. Twenty years ago, I could do certain things professionally, in programming or managing IT projects, that I can't do now. My profession has changed. I've changed professions so many times. I've known so many things, and there are so many things I no longer know. I remembered a time when, for example, I used to play computer games. A lot of people, businesspeople, play computer games or consoles now. But those were different lives. Back when I played computer games, I had a certain relationship with my mother. Time has passed. I don't play computer games now, and my relationship is completely different. I'm a different person in how I interact with my mother. I'm a different person. Do I remember that I'm a different person? When I interact with her, am I holding on to old patterns, prejudices, models of behavior, and many other things? Am I ready to cross certain barriers?

Because I understand that life is finite. This is genuine growth and expansion as a person. Hearing all of this is genuine expansion—it's what leads a person to an incredible scale, a truly cosmic scale, an enormous scale, a scale you often can't even fully grasp. We return to the same point: how do I, as a person, relate to other people? And awareness, observation, perception.