How to Calmly Accept the Truth: The Key to Scaling Yourself

AVAlexander Volchek

When you know that someone really gets deep into the essence of what is happening and knows the answer, a block very often appears. You stop listening to that person, stop seeing them, stop watching their videos, stop reading their books, stop communicating with them in any way. It is an automatic block, because you know that every time you see this person, they will tell you the truth. Take business, for example. Many people in business do not want to meet and work through the finances. I mean business owners. They say, "We don't need this subject; it isn't interesting. I have a CFO or a finance manager." Essentially, they do not want to deal with the things that show them the truth. Or many say, "I'm not a systematic person; I'm creative, so I don't do analytics." Someone brings them the numbers, and they do not want to look. They say, "I don't understand any of this because I'm a creative person." They do not want to look at the truth. They do not want to look at the truth: to go to a psychotherapist, for example, ask some questions and listen. They do not want to learn the truth. They do not want to go on a retreat, say, or meet teachers, visit a business adviser, go to someone stronger or someone who seems less strong, hear their opinions, hear a real outside perspective and listen to it.

They do not want to know the truth. They do not want to really go and find out what their mother thinks. They do not want to find out what their father thinks, what their brothers, sisters, or friends think. To have a real conversation, even if these people are complete egotists who cannot communicate anything or contribute anything new. The person does not want to know the truth. Incidentally, at the very beginning, you put your question to me this way. You said that I am someone who does not give people actions to take—one, two, three, four—and that this is what people are waiting for, these actions. You said that I change a person's way of thinking so that they can then make their own decisions. That is indeed true. I believe this is the truth, because only the person themselves can make the right, necessary decision for themselves, and they bear responsibility for it. That is indeed true. At the same time, I give a huge number of specific recommendations. I gave you a huge number of specific recommendations a year ago, six months ago—many, endlessly many. Every so often, you are surprised and say, "How could you have said that a year ago?" Well, I gave you that specific recommendation right away.

The question is: were you ready to hear it? Were you ready to accept it? Are you ready to take that action? A fairly simple action. Now you tell me that coming to see me puts you in a very difficult state: you feel like a schoolchild who has to take an exam, while I, the teacher, will check whether you have done something or not. You are entirely caught up in your own insecurity, weakness, suffering, your own insecurity and, of course, your own lack of responsibility for your life and your decisions. But by living through these things and discussing them calmly, you can reach a state that will, first of all, first of all, allow you to begin hearing what is happening around you. Being able to make the right decisions yourself does not mean refusing to listen to other people's advice. Making your own decisions means hearing the world around you correctly. Some people give advice that you must not take under any circumstances: it will be wrong, guaranteed to be wrong. Others give advice that you need to take, absolutely need to take. While someone is giving you advice, you may get the feeling that it really is right.

Or you may feel that the advice is utterly worthless and you should not follow it. As for your resistance to coming to see me—this is a fact: three weeks ago, we again discussed why you never ask about certain things that you really need here and now. Simple things in life, in business, in your profession. You ask questions with the videos we are making in mind, questions about fairly deep personal development. And you really do approach them through yourself. But simple things, simple everyday matters—how to live at home, what to do, what to buy, how to run a business, where to open something, how to find a client—you never get to these simple things. You do get to the deeper ones. With those deeper questions, you receive a specific solution, and you do not carry it out. Why don't you do the same with the simple things? At least get the solutions, even if you then do not carry them out. Because you would come face-to-face, very consciously, with the reality that you feel like a schoolchild and are not ready to pass these simple tests, to do these things. On your way here, you were talking first and foremost about tasks that were very simple, very simple.

For example, writing to an accountant is a very simple task. Or figuring out the health insurance system is a very simple task, a simple one. It does not require some extraordinary effort. The deeper actions I told you about, the ones that contain real truth about your fundamental development as a person—you probably did not even note them down. You noted some of them. In some cases, you can revisit a video, because some actions were recorded on video or audio. You can go back to them. But there are a great many things you simply did not record. You do not know them, do not remember them, do not want to pay attention to them. You say, "Listen, I'll stick to my opinion and my own system for making decisions." I tell you, "This will happen to you. This is what happened before. You have a relationship with someone who once was, or seemed, close to you. Six months ago, I told you that your relationship with this person would not be close." Now that person has established a distant relationship with you, and you are simply living through the consequence. Did what I said then prepare you for this situation? Possibly. Did you fully live through it back then? No, because at first you did not believe me.

When we talk about why a person does not hear and does not want to act, they simply do not believe. Let's put it in ordinary social language: they simply do not believe. Are they afraid? First of all, they do not believe. Of course they are afraid. They are afraid because they do not know themselves. They are afraid because they are in a state of suffering and worthlessness. They are afraid in their own insecurity. They are afraid in their lack of understanding of the world. Yet they definitely know how to do a great many things. Here, they simply do not believe. They lack belief. On the other hand, of course, there is the enormous matter of ego and egotism. The subject of ego is endless. It is simply an endless subject. If you are watching this video and think you have worked through your ego system, you are deeply mistaken. You have not. The ego system and the ego-computer are fused with a person's personality. A modern person can hardly exist without it. Someone says, "So we need the ego?" The point is not whether you need it or not. The point is how aware of it you are, how well you understand it, and the extent to which you refrain from arguing about it.

If you have watched this far and have found yourself arguing with much of what I say or disagreeing with it, that is a one-hundred-percent sign. "Alexander, I've been watching you, but I disagree with this point." Why do I need that statement? What is the point of saying it? What do I need it for? You disagree. So what? Please, go ahead. I do not need to know. It really does not even interest me. My purpose is not to make you agree or disagree. My purpose is not to get you to take the actions I suggested in your business, family, health, personal state, development, spiritual state, relationships with loved ones, social circle, or home. There were a great many different recommendations. It does not matter to me at all whether you follow them. You asked what to do. I told you what to do. It makes no difference to me. It does not matter whether you agree or disagree, accept it or do not accept it. You asked; you received an answer. What difference does it make? There is a very good metaphor here. If you look at the ocean and—

have some realization, the ocean does not care whether you have had a realization or not. It does not matter to it whether the realization is connected with the ocean, whether you are grateful to it or not. It makes no difference. Of course, that is an abstraction; the ocean is not a person. But for a deeply developed person, someone in a good state, it makes no difference either, because that person is thinking first and foremost about the other person. I know that when I give you recommendations, I am giving them to you personally, first of all, not to myself. I do not expect any feedback on them. I do not need it. Many people do not want to hear advice or look at serious things because, of course, they are resisting. They do not want to be with a serious person and acknowledge their own worthlessness, acknowledge their lack of ability. There is also the other side, when someone is simply afraid. I have always said, and will keep saying, that if we look at the structure of the ego, at some of its layers, one manifestation is, "I know absolutely everything, and I have power." Another manifestation is, "I hate myself, and I doubt myself."

"I am in a completely confused state. I do not believe in myself; I trust only other people." But that is also a manifestation of ego, simply its other side. It is surprising to hear, but it is a fact. It is a fact, because we are used to thinking that someone with power supposedly cannot be in the same state as someone who receives compassion or help. Yet it is all the same. A person whose power comes with such developed egocentrism will never be free or truly feel complete, full inner silence. They will look for it, say they have found it somewhere, and keep looking. It is remarkable. You see many people saying, "I am in a state of inner silence." Then they say, "We are still looking for this silence, and we are trying something new." Four years later, you see them searching even harder for another new action. Make up your mind: are you in inner silence or not? At least do not deceive yourself. If it is a state of silence, then the state is complete: there was zero, now there is one. There is the state of silence. You had not read the book; now you have read it. But there is no limit to a state of inner silence.

There is always a state quieter than the silence you feel, the silence you know. There is always a state of greater freedom than the freedom you experience. There is always a better emotional state than the one you are experiencing. There is always something better. Take any relationship between two people: it can always be better, always, infinitely better, infinitely better. You cannot measure this with anything. It cannot be measured. You will never be able to compare it. What aspects would you compare? Some social parameters? What parameters? So you simply do not do it because of your weakness. You said something uninteresting. You said that I told you, "The most important thing is to observe." And you say, "I've started observing it." When you say that, once again you want to make it a case of, "I hadn't read the book; now I've read it." I do not want you to do that. I suggest you do not do that. If you need to call the accountant, you call and say, "I hadn't called the accountant; now I have." But when I tell you to observe yourself, I suggest simply observing, always observing, observing for a long time. Be glad that you know you will be observing yourself for the next hundred years.

Well, if you need to live to a hundred and thirty. It does not matter how long: the next ten, twenty, or thirty years. Be a happy person and observe yourself. Observe yourself and develop throughout your life. Your own observation is your own development, your own growth. Without endless observation in life, you cannot keep developing forever. That is real personal growth. That is real personal growth! A person very easily turns things into tasks: "Work through my relationship with Mom—done. Work through my relationship with Dad—done. Work through my childhood trauma—done." You have not worked through it! Work through your relationship with your wife—you have not finished working through that relationship. In theory, you could somehow say you had worked through your relationship with your wife if you had separated completely and she was no longer there. Or if the other person had died, for example. Perhaps, in theory, you could. At the very least, you cannot finish working through it because you have time ahead with your wife, and the relationship will continue to develop. You cannot finish working through it. You cannot finish working through your relationship with your children or your parents. There are two possibilities: either you keep working through it endlessly, or you can no longer do so because the parent is no longer alive.

If their presence is needed for that. This does not mean you have to work on it endlessly. I am not suggesting that you do this endlessly. I suggest becoming aware of it, understanding it, and making your own choice, knowing that there are always cards in every deck. Here I mean that there is a deck of possibilities for developing your relationship with this person, and this one, and this one, and this one. There is always some new action there, something endless that you can work through. There are always cards, countless cards. Just as you can develop endlessly in terms of who you are as a person, endlessly in what you know, endlessly in your professional expertise, endlessly in what you do. You can endlessly develop, learn about, and observe the ocean, the sky, the sea, a tree, another person. Endlessly! You can do these things endlessly. There is no limit here, none. The key point in the question you are asking, the key, fundamental point in your question—this is the hardest question people ask. They go through many phases, many phases, working through what I am describing. They watch this video again once a month, work through it, and hear new things.

At some point, the person says, "Wait, how do I understand what is right to do and what is not? Whether or not another person advises it, how do I know?" If you have already asked yourself this question, or are asking it now, it is a pretty good indication that you are moving toward a state of development. When you ask a question like that, you put observing yourself first, first. You stop thinking that you know everything about your life better than anyone else. You stop thinking that you know what will happen in ten, twenty, or thirty years. At the same time, you stop running like a squirrel in a wheel, living in complete unawareness and knowing nothing at all. You do not even have time to think. Or you think you do not. There is always time. There is always time. Every person always has time to think, absolutely every person. There is always time. In this state of questioning yourself, one of the most important questions to keep under observation is: how do I know which advice is right and which is wrong? How do I know where I am taking the right action and where I am not?

Now the most important thing: you will never, ever find the answer to this question. You will never find the answer. In this life, you will not find the answer to this question. I suggest observing this question from the position that you will never find the answer. Observing it from that position is a fundamental aspect of personal development. You will begin to breathe anew, feel anew, live your life anew. This is fundamental: you will never find it. If you observe from this perspective, you will begin finding an endless number of answers. When I say you will never find the answer, I mean an answer to everything, to everything as a finished solution, like reading a book: done, put it away, I know everything now, I move forward on my own. The more you observe from this state, the more right actions you will begin taking. I have a concept called the next step. You will begin taking more of the right next steps, taking the right next step, the real next step. These actions are endless; there are a great many. You will begin to understand—

A great deal. You will begin taking the next steps you need in your life. Most importantly, you will feel them; you will know them. Since you know you will not work out every situation, you understand that the next steps you take may also be mistaken. Or you understand that a next step is right today, but in five years it becomes wrong. You should no longer take that action. It is right to work at this job now, but not in three years. It is right to run this business now, but not in three years. Where should you not have this situation of something being right now and wrong later? In how you treat other people. "I should treat other people well now, but badly tomorrow." That cannot be. "I do not deceive people now, but I will tomorrow." That cannot be. There are truths that are guaranteed to be right and accurate. But as your life develops, all sorts of events can happen. This profession is the right one today; tomorrow it is not. Then you will not fall into an illusion and complain about other people because they promised you that certain things would be right in a profession.

You will not fall into an illusion because someone promised you that you would make money in a particular way. Perhaps it was possible to earn that money then, but it is not possible now. Or other people could earn it and you could not, because something may suit another person but may not suit you. I suggest observing this. It is not an abstraction. It is what you called a way of thinking, a way of perceiving the truth of your own life. This is truth for me in terms of life, truth for a person in terms of life: to make real decisions properly and take the next steps, to be in a state of conscious perception. Conscious perception is a state of incredible inner silence and calm, and also of emotion, grief, loss, and disappointment. But these things are experienced consciously. You understand that if you want to develop and grow, different things may happen, including things that are very bad for you. They will not stop happening. The story society tells is that you are suffering now because difficult things can happen, but later everything will be good. No, that is not how it works. I keep saying: perhaps you do not need to suffer, and you can instead be in a state where things are good now and will be good later.

Could things be good now and bad later? Could you be suffering now and still suffering later? If that is possible, do not build an illusion or remain in that illusion. It would be a deception. Incidentally, there will probably be no comments under this video. I mean real comments with real questions and real ideas. Even for someone who has watched to the end, it is very difficult to write something in this state, with this feeling, because you would have to face the truth about yourself. Recently, I think I made a video on the channel about why people do not ask questions. I think I had a video like that. The fundamental point is that, on one hand, a person may be in a state of awareness. You can check: perhaps you are aware. Then the person really thinks deeply about what to ask and what not to ask, what to write and what not to write. On the other hand, a person may be completely closed off, simply living with their eyes completely shut. A great many relationships in my life have disappeared because other people did not want to be with me and hear the things they do not want to hear.

I am talking about truths for that person themselves. I am not taking the position that I am right in this case. Perhaps it is better not to communicate or say such things to some people. Sometimes I tell another person things I should not say. I hurt them because they do not want to face the truth. Why torment someone? Why try to lead them to the truth? This video, this way of thinking, this observation, these forms of analysis are for someone who has chosen a path of development and wants to follow it without resistance. It is your own choice.