Fear as Part of Life: What to Do So It Doesn't Swallow You Whole

AVAlexander Volchek

A person comes up with an idea and tells themselves that to get good footage, or make a good podcast or video, they need, for example, a high-quality camera, the right space, or the right microphone. They prepare for that in life. To have a good family life, they need to choose the right wife. They have ideas about how things should be. A person forms these ideas. Or a good business must be one you enjoy. Or a good business is one that makes a lot of money. They have ideas and prepare to fulfill them. When those ideas don't match reality later in life, it sends them into absolute terror and stress. This state arises because they're afraid of helplessness, afraid of not knowing what's going to happen. A person generally has two very large fears running in parallel inside. One is fear of the unknown, of what lies ahead. The second, arising from that uncertainty, is not knowing whether what they're doing right now is right or wrong. Again, fear of the unknown arises as a consequence of wanting to establish a certain order in life. Fear of the unknown doesn't come first, making a person want to establish order. It's when they want to impose a certain order on life, want life to be a certain way, their business a certain way, their family a certain way, even the birds to caw a certain way, right?

Or the surroundings to be a certain way. They want something to be definite. Then, because everything happens differently from what they planned—like today's filming, which isn't going the way we planned today—fear of the unknown arises. They don't know what they'll do. We were just sitting here discussing whether I have fear. Yes, absolutely, it comes easily. I planned to film a certain number of videos today so I could release them. I release a video at least once a week. I have a strict plan, and now I'll be taking some long, varied business trips: Europe, Austria, Italy, Dubai in the United Arab Emirates, Turkey, then Europe again. Different countries. So I need to plan content. Today we start getting ready to film, and outside noises begin. Someone's mowing the lawn; someone else is doing something. Even though we seem completely isolated. This is about five acres of completely secluded space at the end of a street. When things aren't working and time passes—thirty minutes, an hour, two hours, three hours—when all that time is gone, the system inside me doesn't understand what will happen next if we don't film the videos.

Because if we don't film the videos we planned, the release schedule will slip. And it won't just slip: I won't be able to catch up because I have additional trips. Fear arises inside me, fear that develops because uncertainty appears. I want to control everything, to be in control. When people ask how I deal with this, or what I do about it, the first thing I do is observe myself from the outside and take an unbiased look at myself and how to act in this situation. We were filming the last video, and a plane flew over, right? Today it's as if every sound has gotten louder. I'm sitting here thinking: have all the sounds gotten louder, or does it just seem that way? I'm not the only one laughing. The camera operator is laughing very hard with me, watching this happen. Again, when we talk about fear, some event has put us in a situation of uncertainty. That event and uncertainty were the source of our entering a state of fear and worry, not knowing how to act next. Fear arising inside the body starts destroying everything.

What do I mean by “destroying”? In a state of fear, a person generally can't take appropriate action. I'm not talking about appropriate fear: we see a tiger and are appropriately frightened. A system activates, and we take the right action because of the structure of the human body, how its physiological and physical processes work. I don't know how to put it into words properly. I'm talking about something completely different. Imagine fear has arisen in me, and I've stepped back from myself a little, looked at myself and at reality from the outside: what's happening to me? Do I really need to know right now what will happen ahead? Just ten minutes ago, I immediately told myself, “Actually, I don't need that.” In reality, events will unfold as they're meant to, because there are still an enormous number of ways these situations could be resolved. Failing to film certain videos certainly isn't a gigantic problem. It may affect the financial result, how busy I am, some other state I'm in, and other people's lives, because there are teams involved.

People are waiting for footage to edit, to write articles, to create storytelling content. Teams are ready to publish everything. There's a whole sequence of things involving other people, let alone me. I understand that, and it makes me even more afraid. If I can't detach from myself, step aside, and look at myself from the outside, I won't be able to resolve that fear. It's easy to say fear is useful, that it helps us stay focused. But fear is an effect, not a cause. Again: fear is an effect, not a cause. An effect—it's very important to understand that. It isn't the cause of an event. One of the main causes of fear is wanting to plan my life. If I don't live in a state of predicting and planning the world and what happens, then the fear associated with that cause won't arise either. If I live in trust in my understanding of what lies ahead, fear won't arise, because it has nothing to be born from. Simply nothing to be born from.

What's more, if I plan for specific events ahead, firmly and consistently saying, “I know how my life will be arranged. I know how many children I'll have. I know which university my children will attend. I know how they'll finish school. I know what my relationships with my parents, friends, and acquaintances should be. I know where I'll live, where I'll work”—I'm building an illusion ahead of me, right? I know, I want, I dream. I insist that I need this planning. I'm not ready to calmly accept that things may happen in any number of ways. Then fear will arise. A second, very large projection of fear will be layered on top of it: are the actions I'm taking now right or wrong? Should I be doing this or not? Let's go back to the video example. I always try to give real examples from life, things happening here in life, right here and now. I start filming and think: if fear is present in me now, what am I projecting to people as I film? What am I creating for them?

Should I film this video or not? I begin worrying about whether I'm doing the right thing, because another cause was already at work. It's very hard to free yourself from all this. It's crazy, endlessly difficult work, because fear devours a person, tears them apart from within. Some fears are basic to our lives. They're natural, and for the most part, a person won't get rid of them. Fear of death, for example. Some fears arise at the level of the physical body and aren't easy to overcome. Fear of public speaking, for instance: you walk onto a stage, and ten thousand people are sitting there.

Onto a stage, with ten thousand people sitting there. You need to train the physical body for that, gradually train it. Whether you should do it at all is another question—a big question. It's the same with fear of death. Should you fight the fear of death? Or understand how life is arranged and how it flows? And come to trust that every life will end, including death. We all know that. It's such a simple thing. Every life will end, including death. Why, then, does fear of death carry the greatest—the very greatest... You can't cope with it. You simply can't cope with it. Again, you don't need to fight the fear of death. You need to observe how it arises. Besides, it's unlikely anyone could build a system to get the physical body used to experiencing death. For example, trying to die fifty times, being on the edge, at the threshold, until at some point it becomes easy. Like the usual advice about public speaking: “Speak for three hundred hours, five hundred hours, and it'll become easy.” This struggle is a struggle. It isn't a healthy solution; it's a struggle. Does everyone struggle to get through something difficult?

Not everyone. Just today, we were discussing discipline, and I'll definitely make a video about discipline here on my channel. Someone asked me about discipline: how to bring yourself into a state of clear discipline, and how much discipline affects the final result. “What do you think about discipline?” they asked. I said then, and say now, that when I observe my own discipline, I understand I was born with it. I was born with a certain inner strength that lets me experience many events calmly, without difficulty, with ease. I didn't struggle to go to bed at nine in the evening instead of three in the morning. I don't struggle to keep my days even and steady. For example, I'd get up calmly every morning. I didn't struggle to enjoy arriving at work early and working hard all day. I didn't struggle with it. On the contrary, I could say that at certain times I struggled not to work so much. There's an inner strength that lets me do it. On the other hand, there are things I can't do, things I have to struggle through.

For example, repeating something every day, exercising. That would be, and definitely is, a struggle for me. It's really hard. I don't have an inner sense of ease and freedom in doing it. Again, going to bed every evening and getting up every morning easily, or working hard with ease, doesn't mean I don't work. It doesn't mean I slack off. It doesn't mean I don't exert effort. It means I have enough strength to perform that action. When we talk about struggle—actual struggle and difficulty—it means I don't have the strength to do that action calmly and easily. I simply don't have that strength. No matter how often I repeat this, people don't hear it. It's very hard to hear. Very hard, because the inner voice doesn't want to agree. It doesn't want to agree that the strength simply isn't there. Yet this is actually a good, healthy way to look at certain causes of events. Here, we're talking about fear: acknowledging the real chain of cause and effect, and our own powerlessness before fear, our powerlessness, so that we don't struggle.

The powerlessness of being unable to plan your whole life. That is powerlessness. Yet there's an incredible wonder in it. Why on earth should I know my entire life? Why on earth should I plan my whole life? What do I need that for? We're saying that when someone lives in trust in life and in the present moment, certain kinds of difficult events don't arise for them. I'm talking about certain difficult events, because trusting life doesn't mean you can't die tomorrow. It doesn't mean you can't break a leg. It doesn't mean everything will be fine with your health, family, relationships, partnerships, or money. It doesn't mean you'll develop. It doesn't mean you'll grow. Trusting life means being ready to trust that events will unfold somehow, trusting that you don't control an enormous number of things. To trust is to understand that good things have their own causes, which we often don't know. And when bad things happen, they often have causes we don't know.

And at that moment, don't say, “But what about human freedom? My ability as a person to take action and make a decision?” No one is taking your freedom away. At that moment, you're coming closer and closer to it. Closer still. Freedom certainly isn't in planning. It's in life, in the life of each of us. See you next time! And one addition. Let's recall an incredible text by a very strong person, Valery Lomovtsev, about entering a certain powerful state. A person reads this text to themselves to remember who they really are. “I remember myself. I remember myself. I remember myself.” It's good to close your eyes at this point. “I am. I am. I am. I am. I exist. I return to myself. I return from the world of darkness. I return from the world of violence. I return from the world of fear. Everything that makes me frightened and destroyed leaves. It leaves me. Leaving this is my own choice. All of this is my choice. I choose my self. I choose myself. I choose peace, and light and peace dissolve illusions. They dispel the fog of consciousness. I am in peace, clarity, and warmth.”

“I am in my own form. I am confident, steady, and calm. Energy and warmth return to my body. Warm life returns to my body. Warmth fills my arms; they become warm. Warmth fills my legs; they become warm. My chest is filled with warmth. My chest is filled with warmth. My abdomen is filled with warmth. My mind has become completely calm. There are no thoughts. There is peace and warmth. There is warmth and comfort. There is comfort and joy. There is joy and vigor. I am invigorated and ready to go on living.”

“And ready to go on with life.” When you feel bad, you can always return to this moment. When you feel good, you should always return to this moment.