The Most Effective Way to Escape Routine and an Endless To-Do List | Self-Development

AVAlexander Volchek

Why do people get stuck in an endless routine of their own tasks without knowing how to get out? They wake up, immediately turn on the phone, shower, wash, get dressed—and suddenly it's evening. They come home exhausted, completely drained. Or they wake up with what seems like some free time, open the computer, do a few things, meet someone—and then discover that four months have gone by. They look back at those four months and feel terrible. How do you escape an endless routine of tasks? How do you leave it outside the fence?

AMAlexander Mineev

First, how do I even recognize that I'm stuck in a routine? And second, our first reaction to the word “routine” seems to be that it's unpleasant. Should routine exist at all, whether you're doing something you love or working for someone else?

AVAlexander Volchek

Those are good questions. Let's start with how to recognize it.

AMAlexander Mineev

Mm-hmm.

AVAlexander Volchek

How do you recognize it? Huge numbers of people don't realize they're stuck in a routine. They say, “It seems normal, natural.” There's a state in which you feel you're living, and overall things are good. Events can be bad or very good, interesting or uninteresting, but you feel that life is rich and full of different states and emotions. Then there's a state of constant anxiety, worrying about each day, feeling hurt or traumatized, with days flying by and an inability to take in the fullness of your life. Essentially, every person should experience dozens or hundreds of different events each day. That doesn't mean all those events literally have to happen. It means feeling that life is full. You could spend an entire day walking in the woods and still feel that fullness. Anxiety, apathy, loneliness, feeling lost—all of that creates the feeling of being stuck in a routine. Now, to your second question: is routine good or bad?

This is fundamental. Approaching each day and your life with the understanding that you need to work and do simple things is very good. But seeing the tasks you do as tedious things you hate is bad. There's a big difference. If you repeat activities with the understanding that this is real life, whether the events are good or bad, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

AMAlexander Mineev

I have another question. Why do people feel stuck in a routine even when they're doing very useful things?

AVAlexander Volchek

Sasha, the very way you've framed that question raises serious doubts for me. It's strange to do useful things and experience them as a tedious routine. It suggests you think you're bringing good into the world but life supposedly isn't paying you back. You're doing good things to get something good in return. That's a complete mistake, and it will drive you even deeper into routine. Being in a good, harmonious relationship with life doesn't mean doing things so that life will thank you. The problem is wanting an immediate return on your actions, which creates those strange feelings. Separate those things and tell yourself, “I'm simply working. I'm doing the work. I need to water the flowers every day, so I water them. I need to make food for the children to take to school, so I make it. I need to keep preparing food for the dog, so I do. I need to hold a certain series of meetings each day—

I hold the meetings. I do it because that's life, not because I'll get something for it or something will happen, but because these are the circumstances. That's how I do it.” I can't do only things I like in life. If I did, I'd probably have to be alone. I couldn't live in society or share any space. I'd also have to arrange certain conditions for myself first. That's complete selfishness. Doing nothing but things you like—one hundred percent—is complete selfishness. When you take actions expecting something in return, you start experiencing it all as routine. On the other hand, if I'm doing good in the world and saying, “I'm just doing good and don't expect anything in return,” there's a deception here. People think they're working, living through wonderfully good and proper experiences, doing the right things, yet life isn't rewarding them. That's definitely a deception: they are expecting something from life.

Sasha, when you ask that question, you're expecting life to make everything right. That's a mistake. That morning apathy, the strange way you feel, the sense of Groundhog Day, the sudden realization that a huge amount of time has passed—all of it is an expectation of life. That's number one: expecting something from life. It's remarkable: to get rid of that state, truly grow, make progress, and develop through life, you have to let go of that expectation. If you do, you'll enter a powerful state of genuinely hearing and sensing yourself. Once you reach that state of hearing and sensing yourself—truly sensing yourself, truly understanding life—you'll gain the opportunities and strength to grow further. As long as you're in that other state, you cannot grow. You cannot grow; it simply won't happen. You won't be able to change your state or change tomorrow. It's impossible. There is no such combination. The sequence works differently.

Again, the sequence is this: first, you must give up—completely give up—the desire to change your life and circumstances and grab everything you possibly can from life. You can't treat everything in life the way you hire salespeople. Suppose you have three hundred people on a team and say, “Your base salary is five hundred dollars, plus a bonus of five hundred to two thousand,” and everyone works. Life doesn't work that way. You can't lump all its processes together, calculate everything, and turn it into mathematics or science. You'll lose your entire inner state. The fundamental problem of routine is wanting to grab things from life. We live in a world where everyone is always trying to do that. I'm certainly not suggesting that you lower your aspirations or give up the possibility of earning more, having good relationships, traveling, or doing all kinds of creative work. But for those things to happen, for an inner joy in each day to emerge, you need to give up—completely, totally give up—trying to take everything you possibly can from life.