Love Is Not a Feeling. What Is It, Then?

In this conversation with Olga Stolyarova, I look at love not as an emotion, an attachment, a wish to be liked, to get attention or to meet your own needs through another person. This is about love as an inner state, a spiritual energy and the ability to see a person more deeply than their actions, roles and outward expressions.

Why is this so difficult? Why is it easier to learn a language, play an instrument, commute to work every day or follow familiar routines than to keep remembering love for a person?

An exercise that changes the course of your life

– In the previous video we touched on a rather controversial question: can you love any person, even if, by social norms, they have done certain things? Today I’d like to go even deeper and figure out what has to be developed inside a person, or what in general has to be in them, so that they have the ability or the opportunity to truly love another person. Because people often confuse love with attachment, with the desire to possess another person or with something else, when they use another person to meet their own needs. And what pure, genuine love is, and how it works, still seems unclear.

– Imagine that a person has the wish, meeting every person — no matter who: their husband, wife, parents, children, their bosses, management, subordinates, in town, in a store, anywhere at all, clients, neighbors — to remember that they need to communicate with this person from the heart and from love. That with every person you set yourself this wish and intention. An incredible exercise that changes the course of events in your life. It doesn’t just affect your perception — it changes the very course of events in your life. Although, of course, you can only do it not for yourself.

Let’s imagine you set yourself such a task. Will you be able to do it? Any sensible person who has tried to do this — not once, but made an effort, set it as their task — will answer that it is simply an impossible task. Not even impossible in terms of effort — it isn’t even clear how to keep track of it. It is much easier to keep track of brushing your teeth, of commuting to work monotonously every day, of going to the same coffee shop every day and doing certain things. It is much easier to practice musical instruments, much easier to learn foreign languages, much easier to do a huge number of other things — but not this.

This action surpasses everything possible in terms of how hard it is to carry out. Even though it would seem to be a very simple and understandable action. What’s more — human, natural, alive, real.

We’ll now look at the range of responses that arise in a person. What am I to do if I have to send love to a person who is harming me? Or to a person who has created difficulties or is harming other people? Should I still send them love or not? We’ll go through that separately; it’s quite a serious topic.

Just think about it: there is an action that seems so understandable, and yet staying in it is very hard. If you have tried to do this — what was it, or what is it, like for you to live through? Where do you remember it, with whom, in what situations? How do you make sure you remember it all the time?

For example, I have just been talking about this action and immersed my whole spiritual being in it. But at the same time, I did not immerse my whole spiritual being in love for all the viewers who are watching.

Two approaches: a mental task and developing the spiritual system

This is very important: when I say that you should imagine sending love, I mean a particular mental quality. Not that your system constantly radiates love, but that you are mentally aware of it. These are somewhat different things. In general, you can bring your system to the point where it radiates such a state, but you won’t mentally feel it, be aware of it, think about it. It will be an automatic action. Just as automatic as the fact that I don’t think about moving my shoulders when they move, or don’t think about blinking.

And there is a huge number of such automatic actions — in terms of a person’s physiology, in terms of their mental state. But there are automatisms not only of physiology and mental state, but also at the level of the spiritual being: actually transmitting and being in such energies.

So we are still talking now about mental awareness — when you constantly double-check it. Because to arrive at this state, you need to set yourself a task. And on the other hand, there is the task of developing your spiritual being — and this already begins to answer the question posed in today’s video: how do you come to feel love for another, for people?

This is an approach from two sides. On the one hand, you can approach it by setting yourself the task of carrying it out mentally. On the other — by developing your spiritual system, your spiritual being, so that this action lives in you automatically, lives in these energies. You see a person — and the response arises in you automatically.

The spiritual world tells you about danger instantly

Yesterday I was doing something on my property while the children were playing — some of their classmates had come over. I tell my son: “Bring me the ball” — I wanted to shoot some hoops. The ball had rolled a little way toward the woods. My son ran after it and comes running back across the property: “Snake!” he shouts. “Snake!” I go over there, and there’s a rattlesnake lying there, this thick — a really decent size, more than a meter long and so thick. I identified it for sure: you can tell by the tail that it’s a rattlesnake.

And what arises in you at that moment? Stress in your physical body, in your psychophysics? Or do you react calmly? Look, this isn’t a story about approaching it with some mindset. I could first have told myself, “All right, a snake, let’s calm down,” and gone. But yesterday no such question arose in me. I simply went to look at the snake.

And what arises in you when you see it? It’s not the first time I’ve seen a snake here; it’s, I don’t know, the twenty-first — it’s somehow a bit easier with it now. But again, if I come closer, it’s no longer easier, because I don’t understand how it will react.

First, it can move very abruptly, very fast. It won’t just move toward a person for no reason, but in general it can move very abruptly — just try running away from it. And it can also jump a certain distance, make a sudden lunge, especially when it’s coiled, and it was coiled there. That is, it was ready to jump suddenly, for example, in your direction. I approached it with a device that blows air — a blower — and I understood a little that it wouldn’t be so easy for it to move forward at me. But still.

So there is your own inner reaction. And essentially, the first thing I should have done mentally at that moment is switch on a state of calm, take in the whole space. Then everyone calms down at once, the children calm down, everyone completely. Because I was calm, the children came up, stand next to me and look at it — both my son’s friend and my little son. Of course, I gave it a blast of air, and it went off into the woods.

On the other hand, my system may be prepared to perceive this calmly. I may have enough energy in different qualities — in terms of the physical body, psychophysics, mentality and the presence of spiritual layers in general — to understand whether there is danger right now or not. Because essentially, the presence of danger can be read in the energies.

If danger is present, the spiritual world tells you about it instantly. Always.

If your system is developed in terms of perception, you are told about it, and you know in advance about certain dangers: that you shouldn’t go there, or that a certain event is about to happen. Or you are talking with people, and your vision is immediately directed to the fact that this person, for example, is lying right now, manipulating or doing something wrong. The spiritual world tells you about this in advance. The question is whether you are ready to hear your spiritual world. That’s a separate story.

Even your spiritual being may be telling you this. The question is whether you are in a state capable of hearing it when everyone around is shouting, loud music is on, you are here with the blower and everyone is at war. You are caught up in a kind of periphery of such perception and may not hear the call to “calm down.”

How to communicate with a person from love

It’s like with the snake, you see. When you meet another person, your system is at work. The first thing is your consciousness in terms of mental understanding. And for the modern human soul, it is very important to form for itself a knowledge of its own actions and of the truth of its path.

And you tell yourself: “I am communicating with this person from love. No matter what I am saying right now — I don’t know what’s right, what’s wrong, what’s happening — I am trying to see the human being in this person. Even if I am shouting at them, scolding, angry. I hold this structure within me.”

That’s number one. Since you are asking the question mentally — how do I develop such a state? — this is the number one action you can take. Essentially, it is the most direct action. You ask: how do I communicate with a person from love? Communicate that way. Set yourself this task every time.

How to develop the spiritual system, we’ll look at separately. For now, let’s look at the situation where you direct love at a person, and it doesn’t flow. I am constantly asked such questions on this topic. For example: someone treated me badly — what, am I supposed to send them love?

It’s not for you to decide whether it’s good or bad — especially good or bad relative to whom: relative to you, or relative to whom? First of all, it’s not for you to decide. And you must allow that even if a person really is doing bad things, they have their own reasons for it. I am not talking about social reasons or mental reasons right now — I am saying that their actions have spiritual reasons. For example, they don’t have the strength to do otherwise.

And there is always a zone within the spiritual system — a zone of purity of the human being, of human consciousness, even if it has already sunk into darkness. For this, you must first understand that you are talking with a demon. Usually, when you talk to people about darkness, the person replies: “Well, this isn’t such a dark person.” Then it is easy for you to attune to the light.

Even if you can no longer attune to the light, if you see only a demon in front of you, only a demon, and there is nobody else there — and such structures do exist at present — human love should always come to mind. Human love.

If you are truly in love, it is infinite energy; it cannot run out. It cannot run out. You can pour out infinite love — it won’t run out. We are talking now about love, not about the huge number of other hooks and qualities. We are talking simply about remembering this quality — human light. That’s all. You can detach from this person and remember human light.

Even when you are talking with a demon, you don’t need to direct love at the demon at all. You simply need to remember that human light exists. Simply keep it in mind, simply remember.

But for the most part, a person will still say: “He’s probably not a demon after all. There are probably points of light in him.” Then you can always easily attune to the light core of the person’s spiritual being. Someone who understands certain terms or sees different worlds can attune:

• to the human “I”;
• to the person’s spiritual being in all its wholeness;
• to the connection of people with the spiritual hierarchy of the world and with the whole fabric of the Universe, of life, of everything that is happening, with all the worlds.

Simply attune to this — and it will immediately give you a solution. After that, you act the way you act socially. A person will say that you need to say some right words. The point isn’t the right words. You don’t need to think about the right words. You only need to remember this. Simply remember.

So why does a person mentally forget about this? After all, remembering it is the key. It would seem a simple action. If a person wishes, they can see behind this action and expand very much more. But that is exactly why they forget it.

If they remembered it all the time, it would constantly burn their system, burn away their personality and ego. Constantly.

They would merge more and more with the single energy of creativity, of light, instead of staying in their own personality or in their fifteenth subpersonality and thinking about how the world is harming them yet again. That is the whole paradox of what is happening.

How to make it work automatically

Let’s look at the other side. How do you make this work automatically, work always? Can you do it without such mental constructs? The thing is, access to mental constructs as such is possible depending on how developed your spiritual system is. If your spiritual system is not developed and not at a certain stage, it won’t even come near such mental constructs. There will be no impulse to even hear that such mental constructs make sense.

There are people who say: “I think it’s fine to harm people. That’s normal.” And whatever you explain to them, they don’t understand what you mean when you say that people should be treated from love. You won’t bring it into them.

That’s why a huge number of people will never come to this question — in their current incarnation. They will have to come to it later. They will have to in any case. And in every person’s life there will be opportunities and different situations in which they can perceive it. Then the question is whether they will hold on to it.

Accordingly, when we say that the spiritual being must be developed in a certain way, the question inevitably arises: how does one develop one’s spiritual system at all? It is a great deal of work. I talk about this a lot here on the channel, on the meditation channel, in my other blogs and in my classes. It is a great deal of work. You tell what can be told, or what you know how to tell. You can read about it, learn it from different books and within your own life.

But basically, even daily work with attention properly directed — to the fact that you need to work and need to relate to people truthfully — will develop your spiritual system in any case. In any case.

For example, I have a separate meditation channel, which has a numbered series of meditations — there are already more than fifty of them. These meditations are aimed at expanding your consciousness and your perception.

What expanded perception gives you

It lets you, in some mysterious way, see yourself a little more broadly at the right moment. You don’t understand what’s happening.

And by the way, if you pay attention, people who engage in various practices of such a broad kind, read books, study the literature and direct real attention to genuine human development begin to notice strange things in their own behavior. After all, a person has a certain description of what a spiritually developed person should look like. And when people do practices, they begin to see that this description does not match what is actually happening, that they may start to feel much worse things.

Hopelessness and the truth about yourself on the path

For example, talking with some person, they suddenly for some reason begin to see — besides how they might manipulate this person — how bad this person is, for example. Or they begin to see how badly they themselves treat this person. Not that they treat them well, as they should — but how badly they treat them. Or they feel a total inability to interact with people. A sense of hopelessness, of not understanding what is happening at all. A sense of complete loss, of suffering from everything that is happening.

And this is probably one of the main difficulties on the path of knowing the truth. Because a person has a certain knowledge or feeling. Where did they get it? In society, at school, genetically, in their upbringing, at a certain time, in a certain place, in discussions — they got it in the social world. They have a certain understanding or idea of what spiritual development is. And in terms of spiritual development, they expect some kind of nice buzz, something positive — and not to fall into a state where they see the hopelessness of the world, or the absence of any causes and effects, or the lostness of humanity and of themselves, where they see themselves sinking into an abyss and unable to swim out.

Of course, this will bring a very specific state, very specific. And of course, you have to fight it.

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