Why Do We Resist Our Own Lives?

In this episode I look at why we resist what is happening and what to do when another person disagrees with us. Why is it important to first understand what is happening to you and only then make a decision? How do you keep your balance when the people close to you see life differently? And why do you want to get rid of resistance: for your own comfort, or because you see meaning in it?

Using personal examples, I talk about family expectations, dependence and the choice of state. And about why we never know another person's truth.

How to Work with Resistance

If you don't understand the causes, your decision will always be a mistake.

How do you work with resistance? When you look at the question of resistance, you need to approach it fundamentally from two sides. Either we feel resistance — or another person feels it, and we are trying to change something.

This morning you and I had a discussion about the decades of life. I put it to you that many psychophysical aspects of my worldview or my behaviour came about because there were certain causes around me. And I put it to you that I resist because I ended up in that kind of space.

A Space Full of Snakes: A Metaphor for Resistance

It is as if you were moved right now into a space full of snakes — you will resist being in that place. You will do everything possible to shield yourself from them, escape and not die. That doesn't mean it is the right decision, but basically a person will resist. Resist an external impulse of aggression or external resistance.

Using the example of snakes, one could say that the snakes are not planning to attack you. Basically, they don't need you. But it will be the fact of your being in a certain space. And so, when we look at this topic, and it always has to be looked at in relation to the specific situation of each specific person, it is very important from the very start to find what the correct law of cause and effect is for what is happening to me right now.

If you don't understand the causes and effects of your own resistance, or of the resistance around you — of the space or of people — your decision will always be a mistake.

From the point of view of snakes, we know that basically the snakes don't need you and they don't really need to attack you. The only way to save yourself is to calm down, to be in absolutely neutral balance and then make the right decisions. Because there are still snakes that, for example, attack an unfamiliar object — especially an unfamiliar physical object — no matter what, regardless of anything. Calm won't help there. And there are snakes that, if this physical object is outwardly calm, won't touch it and won't deal with this object at all. It will become uninteresting to them.

And for this you need to understand these snakes, the space you are in, to understand it very deeply. And you also need to remove absolutely all fears about what might happen to you.

You need to accept that you are in this space.

Resistance in Life: From Reaction to Choice

A story that plays out at home, for example, resistance between husband and wife, or resistance with children, or at work — with the boss, or of a boss with subordinates, or about the president of the country, the economic situation, ministers, laws, or in interaction with your neighbours — this is always a story that has causes and effects. And why does it bother you at all? Why does it concern you?

And so, from the point of view of snakes: you were placed in a space, and you are in it in any case. You have no other options. You have two paths of movement.

To accept that you will die, and to act truly and purely, without any physical involvement. This means that your physical body and psyche will be absolutely calm and you will make decisions in a measured way. That is, you will not be afraid, you will treat all of this absolutely calmly.

Or you can get nervous and start, for example, hitting the snakes, running, jumping, building barricades and so on. Which is also a decision. And it will often help and save you, and there is a chance that you will survive.

The question, Dima, that fundamentally stands: what do you want to choose? It seems to me Valery Lomovtsev writes very powerfully about this. How would you like to act in this situation with the snakes? Would you like to survive — and only that? Or would you like to be in a state of consciousness and healthy perception?

And I'll draw your attention to the fact that being in a state of healthy perception will also lead to death. Every case leads to death. The question is: what state do you want to be in? Basically, a person will choose that he simply wants to survive. He will always choose survival and saving himself.

The presence of a situation in which you are able to remove your resistance — for example, to remove resistance towards the laws that surround you, or to remove the resistance of dependence that you need to save, to buy apartments for your children. Or resistance about the fact that you have to raise your family and not someone else. About how you should look in society, how many years you should live.

It's not one shield or two shields, it's a whole army. A person walks around with a whole army of tanks, drones, shields, weapons, resisting his own life.

But this is his resistance to life. You can simply stand up and walk out with these snakes. Or you can give in to absolutely all instincts and tensions and think only about how to survive.

The Capacity for Balance: Personal Experience

To come to an understanding of all these aspects, situation number one is, of course, understanding the causes and effects of how this resistance arises. Once you have understood the causes and effects, it's important to look at yourself: am I as a person, on the whole, capable of being in balance in this situation?

What does it mean to be in balance? I was talking recently with my mom, we were discussing the situation of my dad's death, and I told her that I approached his death very egoistically and acted inadequately. For three years I was in deep mourning over his death and made inadequate decisions. To which she said to me: "But that's normal — to remain in the ego, because it's normal to be in the ego." She expressed a very clear state: "normal."

When I was talking to her about dad, I was struck — you know by what, Dima? Not by the fact that I drove myself into a state where I suffered for three years. And not by the fact that I didn't let dad go for three years from the point of view of his spiritual being, which is very bad. But by the fact that I was making inadequate decisions all around.

Recently my sister and I were going over how we made decisions about some of our relatives and part of our family out of the model of suffering for our dad. That is, we were definitely inadequate in our perception. Discussing some of the steps we took in the first year, I asked her: "Why did you do that?" She says: "I don't know." And I said: "I don't know what drove me either."

What does that mean? It means that I was in a state of narrowed perception. I was in incredible resistance to the truth of the world, which has to happen.

And in that conversation with my mom I told her an interesting thing: "You know, mom, when you are dying, I will treat your spiritual system with all the love there is, because it is a natural process. But if it happens, if you die first and not me first," — I tell her, because there is a chance that I will die first. And I will do everything possible to preserve the impulse, the truth and the value guideline of the real life of a human being, and of the spiritual world, and of the Universe.

Every person comes to death, I am very calm about it. And here is a very interesting aspect: she told me that it is natural, normal, that everyone has an ego — and that is her position. That is, her position is that she wants to stay in this resistance.

Family Expectations: The Different Positions of Loved Ones

And here, Dima, is a paradoxical situation. My mom often comes up in my videos on the topic. Such is her life. And this is my resistance on the subject of interacting with my mom.

After all, if my mom resists the idea that every person is obliged, obliged to work on their ego, obliged to labour at it, that this is a fundamental truth — no one takes away from a person that everyone has an ego — then how will she relate to the fact that I relate to her death from freedom?

After all, I am breaking one of the biggest psychophysical constructs of the heredity of present-day modernity, or of people born in the Soviet Union: that a child must grieve over the death of their parents. I'll note, by the way, that this is not an aspect of the whole world. In different countries, in different teachings or religions, in socio-economic-political ecosystems, if one can put it that way, this question is handled differently.

And it turns out I'm entering a system in which I completely break this thread for her. I say: "I won't act that way." And this story has been formed over a person's entire life. Can I break this system acting alone?

After all, I feel resistance myself, and I feel another person's resistance towards me on this subject. Whatever happens, the other person disagrees with it. Imagine there's a conversation like this in a family. A person says: "And I don't agree with this, I have a completely different approach." Just like with a snake. Everyone has their own plan.

You can't negotiate with a snake. These aren't Aladdin cartoons where you picked up a pipe, played it and came to an agreement with her. She will act instinctively, and basically you have no influence on her instincts.

There is a certain thread of truth in the idea that if you are in full consciousness, you have the ability to influence the consciousness of the energy around you. But that is a very, very high level of development. No psychology can describe it: psychology stays at the level of the physical-mental layer, while we go into a layer of entirely different constructs and different energies. For example, interaction with the central spiritual system of snakes as elementary animals in this case.

Look, this situation — an example of resistance about death — is very interesting, because it stands at the head of a person's whole life. And what should a person do in terms of raising their children? What should they pass on to them? How does a person pass on this independence in terms of the death of other people — not just their own death, but independence in how you perceive the death of other people, for example, the death of your children or the death of your husband or wife?

How is someone else's problem perceived? Why is someone else's issue often a very big problem, and often a small one? What are the causes of these things?

And even if you have freed yourself from a certain construct, but live in a setting where your family broadcasts the opposite position, or you come to work and the opposite position is broadcast at work — then what do you do about it? That's what's important, Dima.

You and I will see that the absence of resistance on both sides completely removes the interaction between people. Basically, people encounter some serious conflicts or problems because there is a karmic interconnection. And if there were no karmic interconnection, Dima, this meeting would not have happened.

– So people meet in order to see resistance and, by working on…

– Imagine, people met in order to live through some cause-and-effect connection. And imagine a situation where, if the cause-and-effect connection has been worked through, you no longer need to spend time with this person. And let me ask you a question: how could you make a decision for yourself not to spend time with your mom, or not to spend time with your child?

Just imagine, you have done it, and the spiritual world drew it for you: an inscription lit up in the space in front of you, and it says: "Dima, you have worked this through together with your son." And you go: "And what's next?" And then they tell you: "That's it, you don't need to interact with him any further."

But on the other side there is a person whose inscription has not actually lit up. What will happen next then?

And here you and I will see a very interesting aspect: when sorting out such things, people keep on arguing. "But maybe this was meant for me, maybe this is how I need to live, maybe I need to go through this, maybe this is how things were arranged in my life." You tell the person: yes, that's how it was arranged, you have already lived through it all.

What's more, you can start getting into new messes, because the other person, from their side, throws the creation of new karma at you. He will still meet with you in terms of a certain service, but you don't need to work this through with him — you have already fully lived it through with him.

Choosing a Life Path: How We Judge Experience

And here, Dima, is a dilemma. I've given this example in many places, recently it was in one of my posts. What is better, Dima: you were a poor person and in the second half of your life became very rich, but for the first thirty, the first forty years you were destitute and were beaten with sticks? Or for the first half of your life you were very rich, and then destitute?

If you are already in the second part of your life, you'll say: of course, in the first half you should be destitute and in the second rich. But if you are twenty, it's a very big question.

I don't know a single person who would be able to answer this question reasonably. I ask people this question, and people freeze, they can't answer me. I give them a choice at their age: suffer for five years now and then not, or have it evenly, or the other way round. Everyone wants not to suffer now and not to suffer later, because everyone looks at it as suffering, not as life.

They don't ask the question: how should it unfold in terms of cause and effect, what tasks should I be solving? Then it makes no difference to me at all how it goes, whether I suffer or not. The question is: what will happen next? How will my life actually be arranged going forward?

Narrowed Perception: How to Notice Dependence

So, of course, when we approach resistance deeply, the story is this: any resistance you feel at all, that affects you — in reality it means that your system is in any case in a state of narrowed perception. This is very important to understand.

If you are in absolutely pure consciousness, resistance does not happen to you, there are no causes and effects and there is no resistance itself. It isn't there, it's an illusion, it doesn't exist at all.

And so, when a person asks themselves: "So should I leave this person or stay?" — I hear so many of these questions at personal meetings, in groups. "Should I stay at this job — or do I just need to live through the experience?" The question itself says that this topic is unresolved, that you have no choice. You have no choice. It is the illusion of choice.

I, for example, gave the example with my mom today. I'm saying that out of all the absolute love, I am in my own dependence on the person. I am not in pure consciousness in relation to the person, because if I were in pure consciousness in relation to the person, no reaction would arise in me except ordinary love for another human being or a neutral, independent discussion.

No psychological or physical reaction would arise in me even from the fact that this person is my mom in terms of genetics, heredity and connection. That is the only way it can be, if I am in freedom in relation to this person. I won't feel anything. Feel — in terms of the psychophysical body.

Belonging: A Passport and Your Own Connections

And here is a question, you and I have discussed it many times: what do you do if you were born in a certain country and are part of the soul of a people, part of this country, you have this country's passport, and basically in certain difficult situations you will still understand that you are part of this country?

The question is always: do you know the truth, the answer to this question? Are you really able to look at it in terms of values and say to yourself: I know that basically people don't belong to any passport, to any government. I know that basically a person is connected with the soul of a people — within this incarnation of the soul, or within other incarnations with other souls of peoples.

But this is a spiritual connection, it has nothing to do with a passport, with a government, with any other feelings. It's simply a connection. You do allow, Dima, that you may now be connected with the souls of peoples who absolutely resist your current passport? For example, who are hostile towards your current passport. You can be incredibly strongly connected with them. Exactly as you are connected with people, with the Universe, with spiritual worlds and beings. But it's not a question of a passport.

This doesn't mean that it is taken away from a person. If I am attached to a passport, I'm within limitations and my system is arranged that way — I have impulses and I simply can't give it up.

Why Remove Resistance? Motive and the Value Plan

I approach my diet fairly well, you know, and I try to watch it very closely. But there are things that probably shouldn't have been done that way, but I keep doing them that way. I see that it's simply my dependence and connection, nothing more. At that moment I didn't hear my body. Or I didn't focus my attention on it.

Would I like this not to be there? I would. Not as an ego-wish — that I wanted to get rid of this dependence egoistically, because it will make me feel better — but because it is the right value plan.

Dima, just imagine: a person lives and truly sees that in a hundred years some country will no longer be on the map. Or this technology won't exist, or no one will look at these paintings any more, or it will no longer be fashionable or interesting. Or knows that there will be no city in this place. Or knows that this disease won't exist — it turned out to be an illusion, this disease never existed, it was made up. And he tells this to everyone around and doesn't come to terms with it. Resists it, because he knows that all of this is arranged differently. Is he resisting or not?

– He isn't resisting. On the contrary, he isn't resisting.

– He fights with everyone, he feels bad, he has a fever. He often shouts, loses his temper, gets hysterical. Is he resisting or not?

– He is simply trying to live in his truth.

– Yes, of course, he is trying to live in the truth — exactly like the other person, who says: "This doesn't exist. Open your eyes, attention! Vanya, open your eyes. This is how it works. It's written in the textbook." And he says: "But the textbook isn't real. In twenty years they'll publish a new textbook, and you'll see that it isn't real." — "What are you even talking about?"

Dima, look, here's what's important: both the one and the other are resisting. He is resisting, Dima, he is resisting. If he shouts and swears, he is resisting.

And I'll go further, deeper with you. Can a person shout and swear because the truth is predestined for him and he knows that he needs to do it right now so that the right value path can happen? Is he resisting or not?

– No.

– And here it seems not.

– He says: "I could not swear, not shout, but I need to swear and shout."

– Yes, then, for example, a huge part of humanity or the Universe will perish.

– "It would be simpler and easier for me not to shout and not to swear. I can do that."

– Yes.

– "But I am forced to swear and shout, knowing that, say, they will kill me or put me in prison."

– Can someone else, can another person understand what is really happening inside him?

– No. As they say — like being in love. Only you alone know that you are in love.

Someone Else's Truth: The Limits of Our Knowledge

– Look, this is a very interesting topic on which to end this video.

You must always remember — in causes and effects, in discussing any causes, effects and laws of the world, in any resistance — that you never know another person's truth. And your resistance can always be secondary.

At the same time, there is a possibility and there is a space where four, or ten, or fifty people are all resisting each other at the same time — and doing it with value and truth. But can you imagine how deep people need to be, able to sit down, reason and study these aspects of life and being?

Because, Dima, people can be in resistance at the same time. And here a huge number of people who have stood in the question of being in true resistance right now heard themselves in this and thought: "But that's me, I know the truth, and others just don't understand me."

In what society, in what world do you need to be to sort through these questions? In what state of space do you need to be to remember all of this? And that is what I wish you.

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