How to Talk to a Child So They Listen the First Time

Main subjects

CHChildrenAVAlexander VolchekAVAnna VolchekChildren, parenting, and family lifeHearing your child and being heardParenting

Main threads of the conversation

• 00:00Why children don't hear their parents: the main reasons and adults' mistakes
• 04:15Should you do homework together with your child?
• 07:45What to do when a child “doesn't hear”: the first step
• 09:36A child is “in their own world” and doesn't want to listen: what to do
• 12:23“Love all children equally?”: how your attitude affects the connection
• 14:40Innate and energetic factors in parent–child interaction
• 15:50Labels and scripts: a parenting mistake that breaks the connection
• 16:44Requests, demands and boundaries: where the healthy line lies
• 18:27Advice from parents
• 23:06How to talk so your child hears you: basic principles
• 34:18Advice for parents: the secret of raising children

Claims made here

Individual claims identified in the material: who said them, when, and what kind of thought they express. Each timestamp opens that point in the video.

• 07:30

  So if I come home and tell my child to do their homework, for example, I will probably try, at the very beginning, try at the very beginning, to understand why I am saying it.

  Alexander Volchek

• 08:24

  Perhaps my child doesn't do it because it takes them two minutes and they consider it completely pointless work.

  Alexander Volchekcause

• 09:29

  So it is always a question of motivation: what is the impulse, what is it, what is it that prompts this? That is where I begin.

  Alexander Volchek

• 12:40

  I always say that one of a person's most important tasks is to learn to perceive other people's children the same way as their own.

  Alexander Volchekprinciple

• 17:22

  Most likely, my request makes no difference to her, because if it did, she would have done what I asked.

  Alexander Volchekcause

• 17:52

  If you ask your son for something—here we need to move on to the next question, immediately move on to the next question and always look at both sides.

  Alexander Volchekrecommendation

• 18:28

  When we think, or a person generally thinks, that they know better than the child, know the right thing to do, know where to apply if we are talking about college, for example, or where to work, or whether to marry this person.

  Anna Volchekcomparison

• 19:58

  Well, I don’t think we should approach this question in terms of “never” or “always.”

  Alexander Volchekrecommendation

• 36:26

  There is a very interesting point: when I give a stranger a recommendation, that person remains a stranger to me.

  Alexander Volchekprinciple

• 37:41

  Because he could say to you, “Mom, I’m not worried about my uncertainty, so please leave me alone.”

  Alexander Volchekcause