Idealizing Life: What to Do About Perfectionism

Main subjects

AVAlexander VolchekAVAnna VolchekPerfectionismChildren, parenting, and family lifeF/Friend / friendsCHChildren

Main threads of the conversation

• 00:01Teaser
• 0:25The main thing limiting growth
• 2:02Striving for an ideal: the consequences
• 3:39Opportunities a person misses
• 4:46What can you do about the illusion of an ideal? How do you get out?
• 6:30The problem of idealization
• 6:45The key action for growth

Claims made here

Individual claims identified in the material: who said them, when, and what kind of thought they express. Each timestamp opens that point in the video.

• 00:09

  Just this morning, someone close to me said, “Listen, I simply have a feeling that if I earn enough to have a million dollars or ten million dollars set aside, I'll stop worrying about money.”

  Alexander Volchek

• 01:54

  Someone says, “I'll earn a million dollars, and then I'll feel at peace.”

  Alexander Volchek

• 02:31

  Or, “When my salary…” I remember the same person saying, “When my salary is seven thousand dollars, I'll be happy.”

  Alexander Volchek

• 03:12

  As we know, those paintings are then burned, or never come into being, or are thrown away, because the person can't find perfection and burns the work.

  Alexander Volchekcausedefinition

• 03:22

  And when they can't find perfection, that means they have been unhappy all along.

  Alexander Volchekcausedefinition

• 04:23

  Someone says, “I'd rather earn a thousand dollars now than three hundred; at least that will bring me to the perfect moment.”

  Alexander Volchekcomparison

• 04:39

  The person is living in an illusion, and they simply need to tell themselves that they're living in an illusion, because the ideal doesn't exist.

  Alexander Volchekcauseprinciple

• 05:08

  If you want to understand this ideal, then look at why you need it.

  Alexander Volchekdefinitioncomparison

• 06:01

  Then agree on that together at home: you're building a relationship, building a family, so other people can watch it.

  Alexander Volchek

• 07:20

  It will give you a chance to look at your own life differently in a serious, very serious way.

  Alexander Volchekrecommendationdefinition