How Do Family Constellations Work? What You Really Change

In this conversation with Olya, we examine how family constellations work and what is important to understand before taking part in them: what lies behind the idea of “taking your own place,” how well a person understands the constellation process itself, and the real chains of cause and effect involved.

This episode is about taking a broader, more conscious view of constellations, without reducing the complex system of life to a single explanation.

Do you understand what is happening?

The most important thing of all is this: do you understand what is happening? You can only carry out certain actions when you are told to do something. I will tell you: sit down, stand up, put your hand here, move over there, say something to someone. You will simply follow my commands without understanding why. Right? This is very important. There are commands that will be given to you from outside and that you will carry out, and about some things you will be told: “Do what you hear, or what you yourself feel.” Okay, let’s treat that as a command too: you have been given the command to do what you feel or what you say.

Now let’s move on to the next question. Just to sort this out, let’s look a little more broadly — at you personally, at your understanding. When we say “take your own place,” do you understand how the system is organized — a person’s ancestral family system? Let’s simply stay with a person’s ancestral family system. Do you understand at all how it is organized, its structure, its energetic construction? It is energy, after all. What you are saying now — you are talking about energy: “Energetically, I stand in my own place.” How is it organized?

– No, I definitely don’t understand how it really works, because I haven’t gone very deeply into the subject.

– Yes, you understand it as a kind of abstraction. Someone told you something: there is some system, and everyone has to stand energetically in a certain place. At least, that is what you were just saying — I am repeating your words so as not to go into broader detail, because clearly everyone who practices this will bring in some ideas of their own. They will say: “This woman just misunderstood, there are other aspects too.” So you didn’t understand it. Note this: you took part in it, but you didn’t understand it and didn’t fully know it — in terms of the actions.

Why take your own place?

Now the next question: why do you want to take this place, your own? Why? Let’s imagine you are in someone else’s place. You are about to understand some very interesting things. You are in someone else’s place, and you are told: “Stand in this place, and you will resolve this issue.” And who decides, in this case, which place you need to take? Are you being offered to become yourself or to take another person’s place? Because at the very beginning you said: “You need to take your place as yourself.”

– As myself, yes.

– You need to become yourself. Now let’s examine a very interesting social phenomenon. Most people in the world constantly want to become someone other than themselves and to be someone other than themselves. They look at stars, at some interesting people, listen to some authors and try not to be themselves. What for? Or to do some action that a person doesn’t want to do or doesn’t like, or that they were, for example, forced into. That is, a person wants to become someone other than themselves.

Who told you that, having become yourself, you will have more strength rather than less to resolve, say, a problem in your relationships? Who said that at all?

I would simply ask a question. I am in the family lineage somewhere in someone else’s place, or I am standing somehow somewhere next to the lineage. We will now go through the causes with you and go a little higher — for now we are examining it even at this level. And who told you that, being here and using this energy, I don’t, on the contrary, have a certain additional strength, and that by taking my own place I won’t lose all my strength? And that is exactly why I am in this place for a reason. I took my uncle’s place and remain in it, because my uncle had the strength to resolve certain issues, and I don’t. If I take my own place, I will simply be a gardener and will never resolve any issue. That is exactly why I would choose this.

Or who said that by changing my place I won’t gain in one area and lose in another? And is everyone told this? When you come somewhere, are you told: “You will now resolve this issue, but there is a high probability that hundreds or thousands of other particular systems and tasks will change”? Even if we just talk about changes — let’s be obvious. If a person moves from one place to another, their life changes.

If a person was energetically living a life that was not their own and moves into another energetic life, obviously their life changes. And it clearly changes not only in what you want, but in an incredible number of other aspects as well — in other events, unintended circumstances, in an incredible number of acquaintances, encounters, details.

You are dealing with a large volume of energy, and this is not a social change, where you moved from one room to another. Imagine: it’s noisy for me here, and I go into another room where it isn’t noisy. I more or less control these rooms because they are mine. But if I go into another building, to my neighbor’s, into another room, first, I could be arrested. And second, the neighbor will come in and start, I don’t know, peeing, pooping or singing, and I can’t say anything to him. If it’s noisy for me here because cars are driving down the street, then in my neighbor’s room I have no influence at all.

But when we talk about new energetic spaces — for example, about another family or other relationships — there are far more circumstances, causes and effects there. And this is the number one thing to think about before taking any steps at all.

If such a process were offered to me, I would ask: by moving here, are we working only on this issue, or on something else as well? Are we entering some other circumstances or not? And in general, do we actually understand the real chain of cause and effect? Or are we in an illusion of understanding cause and effect?

What happens to a representative

What, for example, is an illusion of understanding cause and effect? You have been to constellations. Clearly the question of relationships interested you, since you raised it with me.

– No, look, I haven’t had a constellation done for myself. I used to go to constellations simply as a representative for another person when a constellation was being done for them. I didn’t have one done for myself.

– That, by the way, is a very interesting thing in itself: you come, help another person and enter these energies together with them. And you say: “No, no, no, Alexander, I didn’t touch any of it, so there are no questions for me right now.” But if you came — and you believe in, live with and understand the existence of energy — then what were you doing in terms of energy? Were you bringing in your own energy, or letting energy pass through you? And if you were letting energy pass through you, did you see everything clearly or not clearly?

And tell me, please: you took part in constellations — how many people were told that they stood in their own places? Nobody. At the end they are standing there, and then they come to the next constellation — and again they are not standing there. So which place did they take on this path of theirs? Some temporary place; they lived through some partial place. And if you yourself are not standing in your own place, where can you lead a person? It is a kind of abstraction — an abstraction of reasoning, details, aspects of perception.

Now: are there places where there is a person who perceives very strongly and works through some method? Because I am sure the constellation method differs from person to person in terms of what is done. There is complete inaction, when there are no energies and nothing happens. And there are very serious actions, when people practically fly and exchange energies — people exchange deep energies.

Does your own place exist apart from the family lineage?

So, do you understand exactly where you are going when you come to a particular place? Or when you are told that an ancestral structure exists. I want to ask you: does the structure of your own place, of your spiritual being, exist apart from the family lineage? Obviously, you listen to a lot of my content and will say: “Of course it does.” And if your own place exists, then in these places where constellations are held, does anyone deal with your state and your position in the spiritual world, in a particular place? And how do they diagnose and determine it?

Or when we talk about the inner voice — one very big aspect of this question — what do you hear? You hear your own dead thoughts and some conclusions of yours that aren’t real, because you read them somewhere in a book. You act out of your psychophysical blocks, with a disrupted flow of thoughts through your soul, and you have distorted perception, distorted influence. You hear other people and their perception from outside — and you cannot choose the right answer.

What does it mean to choose the right answer? Imagine: you are in a space where you are asked a difficult question, and you need to make a decision. You need to think and consult someone. But at the same time, while you are consulting people, microphones and megaphones are shouting at you, other people are shouting different answers and giving different arguments. Is it easy to sort things out in a place like that? Is it easy to understand what is really happening? You are thrown various texts, treatises, various scriptures that contradict one another, because everything is contradictory: you need to go over there, or stand here, or do this action. What is really happening?

When I asked you whether you had done this in connection with relationships, it was not to catch you out and say: “Look, did your relationships change or not?” Because that is a very wrong interpretation. Your relationships may have changed there, and then this energy will change somewhere else — it could have been corrected in a negative direction. After all, if you are already in a state of correction right now, not in your own place, there is a reason for that.

What am I actually getting from this?

And who told you that if you perform a certain correct action somewhere else, take a proper breath of air, then, having come back, you won’t go on breathing polluted air and enter exactly the same state you were in? This is incredibly important. Even if you have stepped out into some other space and, let’s imagine, it is a good one.

What I see of constellations on YouTube, and what I hear from people about the processes themselves, about what happens, is a big problem. On the one hand, the subject itself can be a very serious problem — like a huge number of any subjects that teach people how to live. Just as sport is a big problem for human development. Just as nutrition is: the idea of proper nutrition is a big problem for human development. How much bad it brings into a person’s life, and how much good.

But the question is: why did this appear? What is its source? And what am I actually getting from it? Am I getting development from it, following the right course and freedom from a system of delusions? Or am I getting wrong conclusions from it, which then take very deep root in my consciousness and my energies, so that I start walking a broken path in relation to the true perception of everything that happens?

And at such events, is there an exchange of the energy of truth — or is someone feeding on someone’s energy? This is a very serious subject, after all. Imagine: there are people with deep sight — even ones who don’t know it — who receive pure impulses. And such a person ends up at an event like this. Of course, it’s great to take part as a representative or in some other role — everyone will tell you: this person can see, they said something right. And there is someone else who can also see, but uses it in their own interests. What will happen then?

Limiting everything to the family lineage

But when we talk about using something in one’s own interests, we need to understand right away that the notion of self-interest is a very relative notion. There are your own interests when you are consciously aware of them, and there are times when you are not aware of them: you are sure you are doing the right thing, but it is wrong. It is a wrongly made decision. After all, an enormous number of people start partnerships in their own interests, through their own vision, and then lose. An enormous number of people buy stocks in their own interests, from their own vision, and then lose. It would seem to come from clear vision — but there is a deeper system of causes and effects behind it.

That doesn’t mean this area doesn’t exist. It exists, it is there, but it is limited. It is part of your spiritual world and part of your spiritual system — a small part.

And the second point: who you are interacting with. The people who are doing something — what energies do they move on, what impulse do they have at all? What they transmit — are they aware of it, or do they not understand at all what is being transmitted?

I remember the first moment in my life when I saw the energy of a fairly powerful person, a powerful teacher. Where does he see energy from? Where does this energy come to him from? That is very interesting.

After all, when you hang on someone’s every word, you often don’t see where the energy is coming from. This person may, for example, be stronger than you, and your perception is closed. If you begin to see, you see where the energy arises, and you begin to analyze it and draw certain conclusions for yourself.

And does the person who is transmitting it understand this at all or not? And if they do, at what level, how honest and open are they about it, in terms of understanding this information? But people aren’t concerned with that. People went to Vanga to ask her questions, but not to ask how she knew. And here is the question: if they hadn’t asked that question, would it have happened or not? That is always a very interesting aspect. If they hadn’t asked, would it have been so, or would it not?

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