These 3 Mistakes Are Destroying Your Relationship Right Now

Main subjects

AVAnna VolchekCouples and healthy relationshipsF/Friend / friendsPAPartnerChildren, parenting, and family lifeWIWife

Main threads of the conversation

• 00:00What this video is about
• 0:48Mistake 5
• 06:15A real-life example of expectations
• 08:34The illusion of expectations
• 10:15Mistake 4
• 12:40Causes of jealousy
• 15:10The two sides of jealousy
• 16:30What to do about distrust and jealousy in a couple
• 19:25A key action for addressing jealousy
• 21:18A real-life example of control
• 22:06Mistake 3
• 25:01The main question to ask yourself

Claims made here

Individual claims identified in the material: who said them, when, and what kind of thought they express. Each timestamp opens that point in the video.

• 02:40

  I'll explain in a moment, because we'll probably go through different problems, different causes of conflict.

  Alexander Volchekcause

• 04:40

  The question is how capable my wife is of loving that gesture every time I bring flowers or do something, regardless of what I've done.

  Alexander Volchekdefinitionprinciple

• 05:46

  So for one person, these are excessive expectations, while for someone else, they're completely unremarkable, no big deal.

  Alexander Volchekcausedefinitioncomparison

• 06:44

  That means my wife has been reading books every evening for fourteen years.

  Alexander Volchekcausedefinition

• 08:36

  So the next time I come to read them a book, the children say, “Dad reads it wrong somehow. It isn't the real thing.”

  Alexander Volchekcause

• 13:31

  Otherwise, you can get completely confused about jealousy and fail to understand why it happens at all, what it is.

  Alexander Volchekcauserecommendationdefinition

• 15:26

  On the other side, very often—very often—this jealousy is based not on being worse than that other person, but on being worse than, say, my wife, or worse than my husband.

  Alexander Volchekcomparisonprinciple

• 16:17

  Constantly comparing who's better and who's worse. Who's better and who's worse at home? The husband is better, and who's worse?

  Alexander Volchekcomparison

• 18:13

  But you need to understand whether it really is the cause, or whether the cause is that I do this with that person and don't do it at home with my wife.

  Alexander Volchekcauserecommendationdefinition

• 21:05

  Some people will never change their stance and recognize that you have to let another person go, give them freedom.

  Alexander Volchekprinciple