How to Stop Comparing Yourself with Others: Turn It into Strength for Scaling Up

Main subjects

AVAlexander VolchekDMDmitry MugenovF/Friend / friendsComparing yourself with othersDevaluationTime

Main threads of the conversation

• 00:00Why is the brain set up to compare, and why does it happen automatically?
• 02:51How envy is connected with comparison
• 03:55“White envy”
• 05:33Useful comparison
• 07:22How to stop comparing yourself with others
• 09:37How to turn comparison into strength and growth
• 11:03How to stop devaluing your successes against other people's
• 12:23How to help yourself in the moment when comparison and envy overwhelm you

Claims made here

Individual claims identified in the material: who said them, when, and what kind of thought they express. Each timestamp opens that point in the video.

• 01:46

  Listen, this is a powerful thing, one of the most destructive things for a person's development.

  Alexander Volchekprinciple

• 02:09

  The key point is that as soon as an impulse to compare yourself with someone else arises, it is always, one hundred percent, your own ego.

  Alexander Volchekdefinitionprinciple

• 02:20

  These comparisons, especially the ones you've raised, are ego and inner weakness. That weakness appears either as elation when you compare and say, “I'm definitely better than this guy,” or as an inner sense of loss when you tell yourself, “I'm definitely not…”

  Alexander Volchekdefinitionprinciple

• 03:09

  Because it isn't always connected—not always.

  Alexander Volchek

• 04:22

  I suppose what people mean by “white envy” is that they aren't saying, “The other person doesn't deserve it, but I do.”

  Alexander Volchekdefinition

• 10:17

  I've said you can observe it. You can also turn toward studying the process of comparison as it happens: “Why did this happen in me?”

  Alexander Volchekrecommendation

• 12:36

  If envy has overwhelmed you right now, here's the first thing to tell yourself and do. This is a very important point.

  Alexander Volchekrecommendation

• 13:33

  That's why I so often say: if you've argued at home, wait thirty minutes. If you've argued with someone else, wait twenty minutes. If you're shaking and feeling awful in a meeting at work, at least get up and go to the restroom.

  Alexander Volchekcause

• 14:11

  It's important to understand that, for one person, entering a state of perception and calm might happen in ten minutes.

  Alexander Volchekrecommendation

• 14:42

  Simply recognizing this state in yourself is an incredible key to freedom and an incredible key to not being in these states at all—not being in the states we're discussing today.

  Alexander Volchekprinciple