Why You Get Irritated with a Loved One Again | Seeing Relationships More Broadly

Main subjects

AVAlexander VolchekOSOlga StolyarovaIrritation in relationshipsAwareness, observation, and perceptionIrritationAnger

Main threads of the conversation

• 00:00Dividing people into "loved ones" and "strangers"
• 03:15Where anger and irritation arise
• 05:14Where to begin when someone irritates you
• 06:04Automatic reactions to loved ones: a family example
• 08:07Why "I feel good / I feel bad" is not so clear-cut
• 09:29What to do with your anger and reactions
• 13:44Why it is important to acknowledge, "This is about me too"
• 17:39How to stop arguing with your own state

Claims made here

Individual claims identified in the material: who said them, when, and what kind of thought they express. Each timestamp opens that point in the video.

• 00:51

  You always want to prove something, perhaps tell someone that behaving this way is wrong.

  Olga Stolyarovacause

• 01:04

  The first thing to understand, something to keep in view in all these situations, is that everything is individual. There is no rule that a person is wonderful with strangers and terrible with those close to them.

  Alexander Volchekprinciplerecommendation

• 01:55

  I want to treat all children, other people's children as well as my own, in the same way.

  Alexander Volchekcomparison

• 02:45

  Olya, you need to understand that anger can sometimes arise not because your own view is negative, but because another person's view may be negative.

  Alexander Volchekprinciplecause

• 03:33

  You are together. It is like putting five people here who drink beer every day, with me spending time alongside them. At some point I might start drinking beer too.

  Alexander Volchek

• 04:28

  A place, like other people, can evoke negative emotions in one person and none in another.

  Alexander Volchekcause

• 04:28

  So the first thing is to look at what states arise in you when you interact with other people.

  Alexander Volchekrecommendationcause

• 05:25

  Whatever my wife does in a discussion, if her mother has to choose a side, she will always choose my wife.

  Alexander Volchek

• 11:53

  You can discuss it socially and say, "In this social situation, that is what I had to do, because the social world exists."

  Alexander Volchekcause

• 12:43

  Human spiritual beings move toward this in different ways, with falls and other difficulties.

  Alexander Volchekcausecomparison