Participants' reflections

“My wife says I've changed, become steadier and more accepting. That sounds like a compliment. And over these last eventful days, I've noticed that events unfold, including contrary to my expectations, while I remain in place and watch calmly. Such a feeling of home. A home within.”

“For the last few weeks I've had the feeling that I've only just become engaged in this life. That's exactly how I want to put it, and it isn't about events getting better or worse, not about relationships, not about my position in the world. My perception, I suppose, has changed enormously, tremendously; it's as if I've begun to live differently. … Nature has become different. The air seems truly alive, not just oxygen.”

“With all this ‘lack of engagement,’ my attitude toward myself and toward others has changed a lot, which amazes me, to be honest. I observe it and can't believe it's happening. There's more freedom in everything. It's as though I've come over to my own side, whereas before I was always against myself.”

“I had a meeting with a client (we hadn't seen each other in a long time), and he said I'd changed a lot (in his perception, I'd become gentler, more attentive) … my perception is somehow full, spacious, the days don't fly by; I even had the feeling they were slowing down.”

“I used to have a credo, a motto, a mindset: every day better than the one before. As a result, I was skipping through life in pursuit of something even better. Now the mindset that's emerging is: right now it's exactly as it should be, let's observe this”

“I started looking at the period before Life, a year ago. I was like a blind kitten, with tormenting questions: who am I, what am I, why am I here, why is it like this, and so on. These questions are still there, and they always will be, but most likely my perception has changed.”

“I see that over this time there's been a movement of the ‘two steps forward, one step back’ kind. … I took a look recently at the whole past year... I think I've lived two or three lives in this time.”

“…it used to be like this: I sit down and tune in to the spiritual world; now this ‘tuning in’ has gone, and there's a feeling that I'm always there. … Inside, there's great gratitude for the group. States vary; my attitude toward them is simpler.”

“Even when you rewatch a session and think: well, how about that, I've changed. Well, how about that, there's progress here; well, how about that, I don't do that anymore. All of this is nonsense … you're still the same. … Just observe with acceptance and a broad view. In the end, the main thing is love.”

“If we're talking about analyzing the past year, I can't say that my main inner states have changed in any way. … But at the same time, a deeper understanding is emerging of how important it is to look at what's happening through love, through a kind and humane attitude toward myself and those around me. … Perhaps, for now, the changes aren't happening in my outward reactions, and not as quickly as I'd like, but my very view of life, of people, and of myself is gradually changing.”

“There were periods of inner emptiness and confusion, when it was hard to connect spiritual experiences with ordinary everyday life. Yet it was precisely in such periods that a new understanding was gradually born. Over time, the understanding came that neither the world, nor a person, nor the I becomes different. Only perception changes”

“I used to strive to catch a state, a final resolution of the question, samadhi. Now I'm calm about it … Everything is fine, there's no need to be saved, life is happening now, there are no rough drafts. … I can meditate on my own. It's no longer something unknown or foreign.”

“You can't change yourself. You can only come to know yourself. And if you can change yourself, then who will do it, from what position, toward what? I can't see past the end of my nose, and here I am, about to change myself in some direction, the great strategist)”

“I'm beginning to truly love Life; I never thought I'd live to see this, it seemed impossible”

“For the second day now I've been observing an incredible freedom. … I mean, life is becoming like breathing. … Without exaltation, you simply breathe. It's natural to live like this, but unfamiliar.”

“Well, I mean, we're not trying to achieve something so that life becomes simple or we gain some insights; we're simply living. I mean, we're learning to live, right? … And now, today, instead of running out of time, I've just discovered that I still have a whole hour and a half.”

“Only now have I begun to glimpse how fragmented my life is: home, work, stores, entertainment... these are all separate little boxes that I switch between. But... the boxes are an illusion”

“But I've noticed that when you start putting meaning into simple actions, like, say, setting the table or taking the dog for a walk, things change. So it turns out that, for example, an ordinary dinner becomes somehow more festive.”

“Actually, I'm one of those who have put Life in slow motion. There's a lot in the books I don't understand, and asking questions seems silly. … I've learned to understand the meaning of the word ‘observe.’ It means patience, not trying to solve the problem right now, the way it always was.”

“Today I started doing something on autopilot, and breakfast immediately started to burn. I stopped right away and thought: let it all burn, nothing matters, I'm going to stop. I stopped, and in literally two minutes I had everything back in order. … Now I think that I just need to observe what's happening and relate to it without judgment.”

“It's also interesting that in the routine of the day there are flashes of the spiritual world being primary. … How I crave a material solution to my non-material causes and effects))) it's one thing when you read it in a book, and another when you actually feel it”

“Perceiving my states always: in a meeting, with my child, when I'm buying coffee! And this perception leads to the right actions, to the right next step!!!”

“…almost took a spill on my scooter, hurt a finger seem to have said too much to my business partners missed the meditation the dog ‘did his business’ in the radiator … I'm observing this mix of endless difficulties and ease … how do you simply live this life?”

“For me, this is living through each day, the everyday routine of each day, the joy and love of an ordinary gray day of life.”

“Just now I was sitting and looking at a boiling pot. Well, what's so special about a boiling pot? Nothing. And at the same time, there's so much beauty in it. Where is this beauty hiding? Certainly not in the pot. … The whole world has changed, and that has affected my perception of familiar things.”

“I observed how my hand brushed my teeth completely on autopilot. … An automaton that acts on its own. What else happens on its own?”

“…there was a moment with a strong impulse that there's no need to look for pure good or pure evil, and that the world is very diverse, and the essence isn't in the extremes but in the facets … clarity alone is already freedom not a new quality, but removing what's unnecessary”

“Before, in moments like these, a desire to comment from that critical state would really flare up in me, and I wanted to settle the points I disagreed on as quickly as possible. … And now I manage to catch it in time and shape the conversation differently.”

“Since our views differ, we were already on the verge of a serious argument; the disagreements were really starting to boil. And at that moment I decided to turn my attention to the spiritual world. I silently asked: ‘So what is happening to us in the spiritual world at this moment?’ … We were already talking about something completely different, and all the disagreements had disappeared.”

“I'm walking around happy. The kids are watching a cartoon; I'm looking into their eyes. There won't be any conclusions)”

“Another observation: for the first time in my whole life, it felt good to be near my mom. It's amazing; she hasn't changed, so what has changed here is my perception.”

“There was irritation in the morning, a rare guest now; I even start smiling when I catch it. … Last night I found a mountain of unwashed dishes, and my son's already fast asleep. … Before, this would have been a mountain of problems. And I could have had a fascinating time having it out. I didn't. Then again, I didn't wash the dishes either. … In the calm, the thought came that my son was simply waiting for the dishwasher to finish but just didn't manage to wait it out”

“Mom and I went out for a walk; I'm on autopilot, we sit down in a café, and I think: where's the love … I look into her eyes and realize how long it's been since I looked at her like this, at her little wrinkles… Mom smiled and asked: why are you looking at me so closely?”

“In general, the further I go, the more fears come up for me. I've noticed that in my husband's presence, looking at him as a spiritual being, some fears just switch off; I can't even remember why I was afraid a moment ago.”

“I have no idea at all who is beside me. … I realize that I don't know my mom at all. Even though it would seem I can predict all her phrases in advance, even her facial expressions. … There's no fear; in these moments of realization I'm simply sad. It isn't suffering, just a quiet sadness.”

“You told me to observe what would happen over the next 3 months. I don't know what exactly happened, but these days, almost 2 weeks now, I've been in close contact with my daughter, and the situation has changed. It's as if my capacity with her has expanded. She doesn't trigger me.”

“It surprises me how little I feel my children. What do I perceive about them at all? Some small piece. Or my wife, other loved ones. The habit of perceiving a person's outward function in the world of things.”

“But in fact, in actual fact, how do I relate to him? Is it from love, from warmth, from the heart? Well, I relate to him as a person who needs to be fixed. Fix what? … Children don't belong to us, children don't belong to us, we don't know them.”

“A feeling of gratitude for everything that's happening; some small social actions and matters are becoming more harmonious, kinder, more humane, calmer.”

“Children are completely independent beings, and you have a certain role, certain tasks. … I mean, more and more I'm simply creating a foundation for them, a foundation of trust, a foundation of well-being, a foundation of love.”

“This morning I saw my daughter, and when we met she started telling me something about shorts and about cats. Does it have any significance, this particular subject of conversation? … So what did the communication actually consist of? Cats and shorts took up less than 1% of it.”

“The main difficulty is the energy I gave to work, without noticing my loved ones, without trying to understand myself and others.”

“You get too caught up in everyday chores and business gets forgotten; you get caught up in business and forget about the kids; you get caught up in the books, then you come back to business. … And the most important thing: well, in essence, I'm doing what I've done all my life. But the difference is that I'm not suffering while I do it.”

“Of course, I needed meditation in order to achieve results in the material world. You gave me a different perspective. It came together. It works.”

“I got furious at work over stupidity, bureaucracy, and the failure to recognize the value of my work. … But nothing that happens at work is of any particular importance. For me it's a training ground, a collection of situations in which I can see my attitude toward things”

“I notice that at my previous company competition was always at the center … this strongly affected my attitude toward people; even when friendly, there was always an undertone of distrust. … Thanks to our group and the attention exercises, this came into sharp light and pushed me toward a change.”

“In the mornings I always used to go over the client bookings and feel that I don't want to work with this one … and I'd count the slots until the end of the workday. Now I don't think about that; for me, each client is like the first time: I study them, observe them. It's very pleasant, but it isn't always like that; sometimes I really want to drop everything and not work.”

“And I used to hate business meetings. I'd say things there emotionally, trying to prove something to somebody. But now, at an extremely difficult meeting, I just had a blast for two hours. I simply felt really good.”

“I realized that lately it's as if there haven't been, and aren't, any of these swings for me. I can react calmly to a lot of work, and just as calmly go and read the texts afterward.”

“My perception of the flow of tasks and events is transforming They don't loom over me as an oppressive heap, an overhang … They're beginning to flow like rivers … In the little circle or square next to a to-do/task, I now put not a checkmark that it's done but a wavy line: ‘in progress’”

“And it came to me that it's all both mine and not mine. And this ‘we’ arose in me calmly. It used to be very hard for me to say ‘we.’ … I always tried to say ‘I,’ so that everyone would understand my contribution: mine, mine.”

“I wanted to start acting urgently, but I noticed that I was about to act out of fear of missing out, of not making it in time, of failing, of being late. I stopped”

“At first it was very hard to keep track; now it's become a little easier to notice and watch my thoughts, actions, and words. I often notice that I still justify them instead of simply observing. It's very tiring.”

“…the more of the naked truth about yourself you learn and begin to see, the heavier it gets; on the other hand, it's becoming easier, and happening more often, to catch myself ‘switched off’ in the moment, when you go headfirst into some thoughts generated by the ego. And this gives rise to a kind of elusive feeling of freedom that borders on the fear of losing control.”

“…when anxiety creeps up, my thoughts used to just run chaotically, but now I catch myself, start breathing and observing myself. … I always used to think I was a patient person; now, observing myself, I've realized that was a lie. Now I've become more relaxed about time, about age, about the present: everything in its own time”

“On the whole, there's little fear left, by comparison. Though I haven't worked on it. … The fear of the dark has decreased significantly. On the whole, my scary bogeymen don't scare me anymore. It's interesting to observe. It was interesting to see the night as a friend rather than a frightening beast.”

“…I mean, physically I have no strength, I'm literally about to drop, but for irritation at my husband there's strength: that's a big layer of energy I'm draining away there. I remembered about directing love, and my physical state also began to change at that moment.”

“…the kids were making noise, I got really distracted by them, but then there was an interesting effect: like part of me gets distracted and angry, listens, gets cross and yet it's as if there's also a background, which is in the meditation and, I wouldn't say observes, but coexists with the one who's angry)”

“…a thought about my youth can bring on anxiety and tears: I turn away and try to forbid myself to think about it, but now I've started looking into this anxiety, and it has started to dissolve”

“And from somewhere I've also found the strength not to get angry at strangers; an impulse was born to look at them from love. More precisely, I may start getting angry, but then I check myself and transform it.”

“When some thoughts or feelings I don't approve of come up to the surface, I can either just walk past them, the way I walk past the liquor aisle in the supermarket; it's not as if I'm going to fight every single bottle.”

“I sat with my eyes closed on a bench outside and observed this pressure that can arise: what's he doing sitting there with his eyes closed? This is exactly my main illusion and eternal fear: that the world will collapse or devour me if I am myself and break the made-up norms. … I am a part. And the world simply happens.”

“That support was the spiritual world, the fact that it is primary. Once I felt this, some of the circumstances and questions just fell away. Things became calmer and easier at a basic level. But of course that doesn't stop me from falling into ego, and into destructive energies, and into fear, and into jealousy, etc. But sometimes I have enough strength to observe it all as if from the outside. … I examine them like beetles in the forest.”

“The first time I watched the meeting recording, I fell asleep during the meditation part… right at the very beginning of the meditation, at that. Today I rewatched the last 30 minutes and nearly conked out again). That's my reflection.”

“It just was; nothing was happening. But it was calm. I sat and watched the trash bags in the bin fluttering in the wind, beautiful… … I had no expectations or desire to feel anything magical.”

“I didn't see any visual images. Just calm with a light joy, like a child happily skipping and dancing down the street.”

“I always listen to the audio messages in the materials, I read all the participants' questions and answers I've been at almost all the weekly meditations So far I'm one of those who don't feel or see anything, or can't interpret it.”

“Such an unusual state after the meditation, in one word: clear, but not like an awareness or understanding of something; rather as if the clouds had parted and the sky had cleared, as if an ordinary day had been lit up with light. … An ordinary state, as if this is what a person should have as a baseline, yet so rare for me.”

“I've stopped looking for special conditions to watch a meditation. … The kids were playing in the room, touching me, asking something, and I'd answer something. … It's amazing that the external factors didn't stir me in the least. How are the kids' conversations any different from my nagging thoughts during meditation?”

“I suddenly felt clearly that, to a large extent, this is a question not only of ability but also of inner permission to let myself see.”

“In general, meditations have begun to feel gentler, without special effects. Being a micron in your own perception is a great freedom, though it's hard to forget your own importance.”

“I have this feeling that I come to the meditations just to warm up) The way people come to a fireplace in the evening to look at the fire) … There was no feeling of an abyss, but of some kind of cosmic infinity, yes. But I feel comfortable, cozy.”

“At first I even felt irritated that others seem to have some kind of visual experience and I don't. But then I realized that for me this meditation goes through sensations, not through pictures. … Despite the absence of vivid visual images, the meditation still turned out to be deep, calm, and filled with love for me.”

“Then, in the middle, I drifted far off into work thoughts and picturing different versions of one situation … and it really occupied me for about 5 minutes; I came to as if waking from sleep.”

“I'm mostly memorizing, like for an exam, without much understanding. There are too many terms and concepts that I've gotten tangled up in, and I feel frustrated, because I'm a straight-A student by nature and need to understand the details of every term, and here that's difficult.”

“So, Monday: speech. This was the hardest thing for me… now it's going much better. I've learned, for the most part, to keep my opinion to myself, my insights, my... Well, this endless desire to share something and inflict good.”

“At first I had the feeling the assignment was simple; in practice, not at all. So much comes up where there's no love at all, and I hadn't paid attention to it”

“I noted that I often ask lots of questions in my head in the moment: I visualize myself writing, phrasing the text, I live through the question, but never actually bring it to life. … For a very long time I saw this trait in myself as a big flaw.”

“…I wasn't trying to squeeze out a question artificially; rather, I was trying to catch them and pin them down … The questions would form and fall apart, like sandcastles on the seashore.”

“I've been swept completely out into the material world. … No strength. Only the notifications from the group bring me back … I'm giving myself time.”

“I used to start reading this book when everything in life was very hard; I turned to it as my salvation. … Now I read it and am filled with love and strength. With answers to questions.”

“…the most vivid experience was when I caught myself making up what I'd write in the reflection, and I thought about how strongly I'm subject to false goals and how many of them I live through … I mean, in the moment, the goal of the meditation (what I apparently consider the result) = the written reflection, and not the lived experience of the moment itself”

“Every time I open the assignment to look at everyone through love, this assignment always, always meets with different feelings, reactions, thoughts … Can I just love already? Can I just feel it? … Then I realize I can simply observe, simply look, not fight.”

“My body is stiff. There isn't that lightness and clarity of thinking I had when I got up early, kept a daily routine, practiced. Now it's hard to get back to it; it slipped away unnoticed. … Before, I would have considered this the normal course of life: if something came into my head, it must be important. Now I find it strange.”

“I reread my reflections, and it seems that everything is so clear and cool and understandable, but that's exactly how it isn't. … the image of a baby keeps coming … one who has already started walking and looks at everything around with little eyes, now smiling, now frightened: everything is interesting, nothing makes sense.”

“Situations come up in my life that in the first moment I call problems: with my child, with my husband, at work, at home. That's the first reaction. But when that impulse passes, I begin to notice: these are just ordinary circumstances of life. … An unpleasant state in itself doesn't yet mean I have to urgently erase it, paint over it, eliminate it.”

“When you don't demand that life match your desires, but accept its circumstances as part of the path of a spiritual being, problems stop arising as an inner state, and a circumstance remains a circumstance”

“Huge resistance to writing reflections... Or rather, on some level I even want to do it, but I get in my own way... … For now it's not clear how to do the assignment itself, but the very understanding that ‘this is possible’ inspires me a lot.”

“I listened to the meeting again because yesterday I felt anxious, it was hard to fall asleep, there were fears, worry… Today I listened calmly. I'm observing myself, and I understand what I was feeling.”

“And I noticed in myself that with the program… it's as if the program has built itself in, has simply entered my life. … And I was searching for something, searching for some kind of knowledge that, in fact, I didn't need. And now I feel so calm inside; I understand that I can separate what isn't mine, what I don't need, that I don't need to go to yet another course, training, or seminar.”

“And somehow it became clearer ‘why we've gathered here,’ what to pay attention to, where to keep my focus. Thank you for the examples from life; they were very clear to me.”

“A very good state after the meeting. The dejection that had been engulfing me this week is gone. Lightness and a sense of freedom have appeared.”

“…it's become much easier for me to take the position of a student; it helps so much in learning when you don't waste strength on resistance and ‘yeah, I know this.’ … I often find that what I feel matches what the participants write.”

“…I'm listening to this explanation that the meetings are a meditative immersion, and I think: ‘Strange, who is he saying this for?? It's obvious! Especially since it's been said so many times, could anyone have missed it?’ And in that very same second I feel the doubts dissolving, the very doubts that had been tormenting ME”

“…the meditation and the meeting brought me back to my inner support, and the calm returned.”

“On the one hand, I listen to you, and your voice envelops me, and it's calm. On the other hand, I felt anxiety… I guess I was expecting a different answer))”

“It felt as though all week you're tossed every which way by the waves of everyday life, and on Friday evening you come into a quiet harbor.”

“Even if my question is a general one, the answer is useful to me. Thank you for explaining where the mistakes in understanding are. It really is great when someone can point out the problem areas rather than walk on by. There's care in that.”

“I go into every meditation with joy, a desire to be present in it, and an awareness of how important it is. And it's an awareness that isn't invented or imposed, by me or from outside.”

“Every time, I thank [Alexander] and Life for being in my life, because it's my little island of calm, of studying myself and life, my freedom. I receive knowledge, support and grounding within, strength, and I try to cope (even if not entirely) with the flow from the social world.”

“And another unexpected thing: a warm current/light shot through me at the phrase ‘you are endlessly fighting life.’ It was as if I saw this struggle and stepped outside its ‘circle.’”

“The realization came that lately I'd been sitting and stewing in a borscht of some kind of energies; after the meeting I have the feeling that I've surfaced from it, and clarity has appeared. A gulp of air.”

“I touched the energy of ‘ordinary daily labor’ again. Such a touch frees the mind from a certain amount of achievement-chasing, unnecessary planning, and obviously superfluous notions. … Rather, there appeared, it's hard to describe, a little more stability; there's an image … as if a heavy stone had been dropped onto soft, damp earth.”

“I'm so transformed in my perception after our meetings. … I rewatched the last meeting, and it didn't land as deeply as it did in real time. I want to write down a lot right away, but I don't feel like getting distracted either; it's good there's a recording, after all.”

“I rewatched the session where my questions were discussed … I'm listening again to everything Alexander tells me in answering the question, and I see the true position of a student, and it's easy for me; I'm simply learning how to make decisions from my whole structure”

“The Friday meditations held a special place. … The monthly online meetings were of great value to me. As were the questions and answers, and of course the reflections of the group's participants. Thanks to this, my own experience kept expanding and was enriched by the experience of others.”

“I want to say that with our Life group, a new Life began for me. … I like building a new perception, rethinking life and everything around me. But I'm still at the very beginning of this path; sometimes I stray from the route, but on the whole I know I'm moving in the right direction.”